'She has used his head'

I'M sure you have heard the sentence before. It does not matter whether you believe the 'concept' or not. The hard sad fact is some people believe that some people can 'use' some people's heads. Which I, most of the time, think is bunkum. Then some of the time I consider the consequences of seasoning a man's food with a little powdery stuff that turns his life around for bad and I say to myself well, maybe you can actually use a man's head without his permission. Oh yes, that's where we are going. Women who use their men's heads. But before we go any further on this matter, let us all agree that all men who for one reason or the other shamelessly come out to say their heads had been used by their wives, concubines or sugar mummies are guilty of criminal negligence and breach of duty of care they owe their heads. Maybe it's not that simple from where you are standing or sitting but if a man folds his arms while some woman uses his head to prepare 'isi ewu', he is guilty of an offence. As stated above.

But do you really think women are guilty or capable of this crime? How many heads have women truly used? How many men even have usable heads? How many women are more successful than their husbands because they had appropriated their men's good luck? 

Considering our spiritual terrain, as one of my friends puts it, I know it is possible to manipulate another human being just by touching him or her. Those things happen even if there is no scientific proof. Our science is totally different from physics, chemistry or biology. That is why when a man dies of magun, post mortem result would say he died of something called cardiac arrest, massive stroke or cerebral haemorrhage or other such complicated stuff. But I draw a line where a man who does not have a head accuses his wife of using his head. That is false accusation, another offence. Life is not totally about luck and a man who relies on happenstances is henceforth not allowed to blame his wife for stealing or using his head.

Why is it that some men can't own up to their weaknesses and errors but blame their wives for the amount of money in their bank accounts? True, as one of the readers of this page once wrote, not all men can be rich but to accuse the mother of your children of appropriating good luck that you never had is dumb. It is even more dumb and nauseating when it is a learned man pointing the stupid accusing finger.

Facebook ranks Nigeria, Kenya top as active mobile users in Africa

Written by Favour Nnabugwu - Nigeria


Facebook has ranked Nigerian and Kenya top among the countries in Africa as the number one frontier-market for the medium in terms of mobiles to like, share and upload content on the social network.

Nigeria has monthly users of 15 million on Facebook and following behind is Kenya 4.5 million users in 30 days

The numbers, the first Facebook has published show the two nations as important entry points on a continent of nearly one billion people.

“Mobile is not a trend; it’s the fastest adoption of disruptive technology in history of communication,” said Nunu Ntshingila, Facebook’s head of Africa, in a statement.

"Facebook said its active user population in Africa grew 20 percent to 120 million in June from 100 million in September last year. A large portion of these users were in North Africa."

"Nigeria had 15 million monthly active users as of June 30 this year, all of them using mobiles to like, share and upload content on the social network. In Kenya, 95 percent of the 4.5 million monthly active users did so via mobiles"

"Facebook has nearly 20 million users in major African markets Nigeria and Kenya, statistics released by the social network showed on Thursday, with the majority using mobile devices to access their profiles."

Facebook opened its first African office in Johannesburg in June as the continent’s growing population and relatively low levels of internet access present a large untapped market for the social network to earn advertising revenue.

South Africa has 12 million monthly active Facebook users, the data showed, and Facebook says with its strong advertising partnerships in Africa it would use the new office in Johannesburg to expand its business across the continent.

If your spouse bed-wets on your wedding night, what will you do?

Written by Jesusegun Alagbe - Punch, Nigeria

Adediwura, Adeleke and John

One might think bedwetting is only a preserve for children, but recent researches have shown that bedwetting among adults is a top secret that is discussed in hushed tones or better still, never revealed. Urologists at the Bladder and Bowel Foundation recently stated that one in 100 adults will be affected by bedwetting at some point during their lifetime and that it often runs in families. It is against this backdrop that some Nigerians were asked what they would do if their spouses bed-wetted on their wedding night:

I'd feel highly embarrassed

Adeleke Adeoluwa

It depends on what made her to bed-wet, because I know that too much of alcohol can make someone to bed-wet. Also, if one is on anti-inflammatory drugs, one can bed-wet. If it's beyond the ordinary, then I will know what to do. But I'll definitely look at the antecedent - at least we must have been together for some time before we went into wedding. If it happened before the wedding night, I wouldn't have married her. But if I discovered on our wedding night, then I would feel highly embarrassed and ask her reasons why she did that. All the same, it's her problem which I think we can find solution to. I wouldn't chase her out.

I'll make him stop taking water at night

Rosemary Willie

That kind of man will turn one into a dry-cleaner almost every day. It is not a funny matter because it is happening, not to me, though. I cannot imagine this happening because it will be like a dream to me. But what will I do? Maybe I will ask him to stop drinking water and other drinks at night. I hope this helps him.

I wouldn't know what to do

Olawale Folarin

That is a serious one. I remember that as a child, our parents would always do all they could to ensure that we stopped that habit. It is a very bad one and to see that my spouse, who is an adult, bed-wets on our wedding night, it is going to make me to be speechless. I don't want to even imagine it. Will I scold her or just let her be? Seriously, I don't even know.

In Lagos, Abuja, P'Harcourt cars now compete with shops

Written by Eric Dumo - Punch, Nigeria

Okoye attending to a customer

Parking his car at a corner of the busy road, Oluwaseun Akinyele was soon besieged by a flurry of customers - mostly women - just as soon as he started displaying the different collections at the roof and bonnet of his vehicle. One after the other, the ladies checked out shoes, clothes and bags, turning to one another for advice on which items to settle for from the vast array on display. Before long, the men also joined the party; scanning through available shoes, jackets, shirts and trousers ahead of making a choice. As the minutes ticked away, so also did the number of customers that stopped by Akinyele's 'mobile shop' swell. But even with such impressive patronage, the father of four cannot afford to rent a shop in Lagos capital - Ikeja - where he drives to everyday to service his teeming customers. Displaying goods in his car became his only response to the challenge.

Akinyele displaying his wares in his car

"I can't afford to rent a shop in Ikeja where most of my customers are located," he said. "I tried renting a shop around Allen Avenue sometime back and I was asked to pay N5m for two years. There was nowhere I could get such money from. So, this idea came to my mind. I felt that if I could get a car for around N800, 000 and then get the items I want to sell for about N1million, I could move around the city with the goods and make reasonable sales and profits. Since I started, things have been fair," Akinyele said.

A former bank employee, the young businessman lost his job a few years ago during a massive retrenchment exercise that greeted the industry at the time. With employment opportunities proving hard to come by and five mouths to feed - four children and a wife - Akinyele knew he had to look for a way out.

"I graduated from the university in 1999, I have four kids to cater for and I can't afford to beg or sit without doing anything. I used to work in a bank before a lot of us were laid off. A lot of my friends in the United Kingdom were hawking drugs on the streets but since I cannot do such, I decided to look for a decent means to earn a living here no matter how difficult it could be. That was how I got into using my car as a mobile shop," he said.

The ugly spectacle of street begging

Written by Anthony Akinola - Nigeria

Dr. Akinola is a researcher based in Oxford, United Kingdom

Different faces of  begging

Begging is one nuisance common to most nations of the world, including the very affluent ones. The British police warns, "begging is a criminal offence - please report any person begging to the police."

There is moral justification on the part of the British for making begging a criminal offence - the state provides for the well-being of its citizens, especially the very vulnerable ones. The relatively few beggars in the British society could be alcoholics or drug addicts, perpetually begging or stealing in order to be able to feed their anti-social habits.

On the contrary, our government in Nigeria at the state and federal levels lack the moral justification in reproaching begging on the streets. There are genuinely very many vulnerable Nigerians - those suffering from acute disabilities or extreme poverty - left to fend for themselves. In fact, most Nigerians have become beggars of some sort, even when the eyesore of society has mainly been those on the streets.

Begging is a public nuisance, irritating and frightening. Sadly, Nigerians have sustained begging with philanthropic ostentation or pretensions and religious justification. It is, however, a most welcome development that a couple of state governments, especially in the worst affected region of the North, have sought to ban begging on the streets. Those who value public decency would applaud their decision.

From my part of Nigeria, isolated cases of begging were once associated with poor parents who had given birth to twins. They begged for money to be able to sustain their families. "Taiyelolu says I should greet all of you and we shall greet all of you one after the other." There were not just a few women one knew of who prayed not to give birth to twins, if it was one gift of God that would reduce them to dancing and begging for money in the streets!

Unlike my corner of Nigeria, public begging was more or less a culture elsewhere. My first appreciation of how irritating public begging could be came some time in 1966 when driving through Ilorin with my uncle, Professor Akinola Agboola, a horde of beggars besieged us at a petrol filling station. One had never seen anything of such before, but my uncle warned me that the situation could be a lot worse in some other cities of the federation.

When the older woman has more to offer

Written by Elizabeth Badejo - Nigeria

Elizabeth Badejo 

It is interesting to discover that while some women prefer to date or marry older men, there is also a buzz in the number of young men who prefer to settle down with older women. The feedback from last week's piece was quite revealing and informative so much that I was reprimanded for not striking a balance between the sexes; that if some women can find reasons to fulfil happiness in what is considered inappropriate, there are several young men out there also who find so much fulfilment from dating older women too. Although the biological statement has always been that a man would marry a younger woman and as the head of the house, it is only reasonable that he is older. Ideally, the young woman is more fertile and able to give him as many children as he desires.

More to offer

The percentage of men marrying older women has increased over the last two decades as both tend to enjoy equal, open and exciting relationship. The older woman is more stable and focused on what her needs are and also able to walk her young partner through his set goals too.

A young man in his twenties once said that many young women his age do not understand themselves, do not know what they want and not able to communicate it too. On the other hand, he evaluated the older women as sure, secure and experienced and that is where he chose to pitch his tent. Then I wondered why his generation has suddenly become slutty and boring; it's obvious that his motives are clearly self interest which may ruin the relationship in the end.

Equality of the sexes

Unfortunately, the growing gender equation today has led to more equality between the sexes as a good number of aspiring young men are challenging this old-fashioned belief for men. But quite frankly, just like the younger woman seeks an older man for comfort and security, the younger man also wants his sanity which he is likely to find with an older woman. 

Vulnerability

The wider the age gap the more you need to be aware of factors that can challenge your relationship or marriage. A man who still has an ambition of fathering children may start to have second thoughts many years into his relationship with an older woman which hadn't posed such an issue in the beginning. In a number of cases, such men end up having children with other women and may even go further to end the marriage.

In an effort to keep up with the younger man, an older woman's confidence may also be affected so much that she may have to rely on the artificial to keep up her appearances and the energy which made her the obvious choice at first.

I get over 100 suitors daily -Popular hairy lady, Queen Okafor

FRIDAY OLOKOR (Punch Nigeria) writes about Queen Okafor, popularly known as Nigerian Queen of hairs

Queen Okafor

In Africa, traditional beliefs cannot be wished away, even though it is generally believed that change is constant. Some tribes in Nigeria view women with excessive hair as a taboo.

But this belief does not strike a chord in Queen Okafor, a native of Nnobi in Idemili South Local Government Area, Anambra State.

Seeing her for the first time evokes mixed feelings about her gender. This is mainly because of the hairs which adorn her breasts, chest, face and other parts of her body.

This special feature stands her out in public and wherever she goes. For some of her fans, Queen, a graduate of Environmental Health Science, is the most hairy woman in Nigeria, although no competent source has verified the claim.

Little wonder she describes herself as "Nigerian Queen of hairs."

Okafor said she got no fewer than 100 suitors daily on the average, depending on the place she visits.

She said, "I get not less than 100 suitors and admirers everyday depending on the occasion. Married and single men, boys, girls, lesbians and gay men are attracted to me. But I can't accept every person that approaches me because people are very deceptive.

"Some men will tell me that they are not married, whereas they are married with children at home. I am not married, but I intend to get married one day because that is the prayer of every woman, but definitely not to a married man. If God answers my prayers, I will be happy to be married to a businessman that will love me and not be one that will beat me."

Her comments seem to stem from the fallout of a previous relationship. She however said, "No man has ever dumped or disappointed me, I can tell you that. I fell in love with one man immediately after my secondary school. He was fond of beating me because he was very temperamental and that informed my decision to quit the relationship."

She spoke about another failed love encounter.

Men throng Radio Station in Kano after lady promises car, house to suitor

A REALLY funny situation played out at the Freedom FM radio station in Kano earlier yesterday when over 100 male listeners of the station rushed to besiege the premises of the organization.

The men, who flooded to the station, according to an On-Air Personality with the radio station, a lady on a radio show called 'Inda Ranka', a lifestyle programme, had jokingly announced that she would give any man who marries her a car and a house.

Within a twinkle of an eye, the men had rushed down to the station, hoping to meet the lady and express their intention of marrying her.

The men even wrote down their names on a sheet of paper to be presented to the lady so that she could interview them on a first come, first served basis.

Even when some management officials of the station told them the statement was made jokingly, the men refused to leave until they had to be dispersed by the police," pulse.ng reported.

Here is what the OAP wrote on his twitter handle: "These pple came 2 FreedomRadio after a girl on air said she'll buy a car, house 4 whoever marries her."

It's so easy to fall for your best friend's ex!

Written by Candida - Nigeria

When Amarachi's childhood friend, Theresa continued to regale her with the escapades of Chuka, her boyfriend of five years, her instant reaction was for Theresa to dump him. "As far as I knew them, it was the logical solution", Amarachi said. "But would Theresa listen? No! `I love him', she wailed whenever Chuka behaved badly. Once, he'd gone for a friend's wedding in another state and didn't come back until a week later! Then worst of all, he'd forgotten her birthday.

"But I was always there for my friend, Kleenex at the ready, through every crisis. `Why don't you bin the loser?' I always urged her. `He's not good enough for you'. It might be a bit harsh but if my 28 years had thought me anything, it was that men just weren't worth the tissue. Practically every man I'd dated had either cheated on me or dumped me.

My last boyfriend had told me his company had transferred him to a neighbouring country only for me to see him a month later at the cold storage of a supermarket with anew girl in tow! Since then, I'd washed my hands off men.

"That was close to a year without sex - and it was a killer. But my piece of mind was more than a consolation. It wasn't long that Theresa called, crying it was over between her and Chuka the swine. I rushed over to her place and we called him every name we could over a bottle of wine. When I later ran into him at a party and he walked over to where I was, a sickly smile on his face, I told him to get lost. He looked embarrassed. `There are two sides to every story', he said.

12 dangerous people to marry

Written by Azuka Onwuka - Nigeria

Azuka Onwuka

The easiest time to prevent a divorce or an unhappy marriage is before marriage, not after. There is no gainsaying that love can have such a drunken effect on the about-to-wed that clear danger signals become unimportant to them, while hope becomes their only commodity. After all, is it not said that love conquers all? Great! But what type of love conquers all? Agape or Eros? Why compare God-love, which is unconditional, with sexual love, which can be waver?

There are traits that some people cannot drop. It is like hoping that a right-handed spouse will one day become left-handed: a classical case of waiting for Godot!

If you are looking for a wife or a husband, please be wary of these 12 groups of people.

Those who can never apologise

They would hurt you, annoy you, disappoint you, but would never apologise, because they believe that it would belittle and demean them. When you are wrong, you apologise to them, and when you are right, you still apologise to them, hoping that that they would change. But they never do. Soon you start to feel irritated and agitated. The love and respect you felt for them start to wear out.

Those who can never say thank you

Whatever you do for them, they are never grateful. They make statements like: "Why should I say thank you when you are just doing your duty?" Some would say that their gratitude is in their heart. So, do I have to open your heart to see the gratitude inside and get it? Ingratitude is an attitude that causes irritation, frustration and unhappiness.

Such people also believe the world owes them a lot. They go around their activities with an entitlement mentality. They are difficult to please.

Wives and mistresses

Let's take a look at your underwear drawers. Let's see what you've got in there; black, white things, full pants, full-cup bras with wide straps. Slips that are brown and body shapers without frills and lace. Don't tell me I'm right, ma'am? 

Your under wears are actually in those colours? Geez, you are the 'BORING WOMAN of the Year'. Practical underwears are boring because underwears are not supposed to be boring. They are supposed to be titillating, exciting, sexy. So, because you are a wife now, you think your man's senses have retired? If only you know. But since you think neat and practical knickers are the best wife -investment since economic meltdown, let's take a trip somewhere.

Here's what a mistress' lingerie closet looks like. First, it's scented. Then the colours are peach, sweet pink, sexy red, valentine lilac, mesmerising orange, drowsy blue, lip-smacking orange. There are g-strings and thongs . She wears full panties too but hers have hooks that 'he' can undo with his eyes closed and bows that he can loosen with his teeth before he moves on to the heart of the matter. A mistress' bras have supports that support her cause and case but they can be unhooked from the front in one swift move. Even when it is a full-cup, it offers no resistance. The half-cup ones are unmanned borders, very porous.

Why single women see married men as hot cake

written Tunde Ajaja - Nigeria

What is it in married men that attracts single women or ladies? Or does that common saying that 'the food on someone else's plate always looks tastier and better' also apply to such women's choice of partner, whether for sex or marriage? This phenomenon is called mate poaching.

According to a clinical psychologist, Dr. Valerie Golden, mate poaching has become a robust phenomenon. When single women see a moderately attractive male, they are more interested in him if they believe he is already in a relationship.

In fact, one study found that 90 per cent of single women were interested in a man who they believed was married, while a mere 59 per cent wanted him when told he was single, while another previous study found that about one in five long-term relationships begins when one or both partners are involved with someone else.

How some men treat their women

Written by Bayo Olupohunda - Punch, Nigeria

Bayo Olupohunda

"Useless woman, I will kill you today; why is my food not ready?" The man was livid with rage as he chased his wife round the compound for several minutes. The horrified woman, long used to her husband's rage, bolted as he lashed out with a huge rod but she quickly ducked into the room of a neighbour. The watching crowd intervened and dragged the man away as the woman, subdued, looked on in horror from an open window of the neighbour's room. She was too terrified to speak. As neighbours prodded her to tell them what had prompted her husband to violently demand his food, she explained that the delay was not her fault. She had had to take care of their six children which prevented her from going to the market on time.

Then, she had had to endure long, gruelling hours in traffic. Then she had to spend some hours queuing for kerosene. By the time she returned, her husband had arrived and furiously demanded his food which was not ready. Then, all hell broke loose. The husband dealt several blows to her until she managed to escape into her neighbour's room.

When his ex-wife threatens his second marriage

Written by Candida - Vanguard, Nigeria

You've finally met your idea of a 'soul mate'?' So what if he was married before? Thankfully, it was his ex who cheated and had to be sent packing out of the matrimonial home. She's not likely to be resentful of you. Or is she? Believe it or not, there is a support group called the British Second Wives Club (BSWC) and, according to their findings, the soon-to-be ex-wife is a likely candidate for causing trouble. And it's your arrival at the scene as potential wife number two that may trigger her unwanted and unwarranted attention. BSWC's founder, Linda Mellor says; "The flash point for the bad behaviour of some first wives seems to be when the man has finally picked himself up and has met another woman. It's as if some ex-wives secretly feel they are entitled to punish their former spouse for daring to get on with his life without them".

Which probably explains Erik's bewilderment at his ex-wife's attitude towards his second wife. "Throughout our marriage", he said, "she carried on as if she married beneath her. Nothing I did pleased her much and when she insisted on putting our first child in a posh primary school I couldn't afford, I put my food down. She went ahead an enrolled him anyway, snorting she would get the fees somehow. How? I wanted to know. `That is none of your business. If you can't carry your load, others will gladly help out', she spat, she became so flippant that I threatened to throw her out. She said she would spare me the effort. She was moving out.

Wives as masters at home

Ordinarily it would not have mattered who took control of the home in marriage or in man-woman relationship. What would have been important and paramount was to have someone take charge so that the home would not collapse. But the Bible and the Qur'an, two great holy books inspired by God and written by men put it across that men should be the head and women, purportedly created from a rib plucked from a man's body should be subservient to them. This thought was actually the prompter for my article on the origins of the King James Version of the Bible which shows clearly that 47 people authored the Holy Book. 47, all of them male!

Women in the Middle East, the cradle of three of world's most popular religions, and in Europe where these religions first assumed prominence, especially Christianity in the hands of the Greeks and Romans and Islam as the colonising religion in Spain were initially subjected to this claim. Luckily, industrial revolution changed most of the age-old prejudices and the emergence and spread of girl-child education opened up the women to their potentials and possibilities.

In traditional African societies and the agrarian Asia women helped largely on the farms and plantations as harvesters and marketers of farm produce. In most cases such women were not paid any wages. What they got in exchange was the care and protection offered by their male partners and overlords!

Wise men marry many wives

Written by Uzor Uzoatu - Nigeria

A social commentator.

A very wise man died in Benue State not so long ago. But before I tell the details of his death, I need to state that through the man's life it has been revealed to me exclusively that the lack of wisdom in the world of today is because men marry only one wife. You can quote me on that.

Even as Islam allows men to marry up to four wives you still see a good number of my Muslim brothers sticking to the one-man-one-wife maxim. You only need to delve into the The Bible to discover that the wisest man of all time, King Solomon, had 700 wives and 300 concubines.

Without the help of a calculator I have added them all up to know that Solomon had one thousand women to service and nourish his wisdom.

That is cool by me. How can a very lonely man in the vice grip of only one wife challenge the lavish wisdom of King Solomon?

Reasons Mr Right may never show up

Written by Blessing Adeyemo - Nigeria 

The issue of marriage is an important one which many people value greatly. For the woman, it is sometimes seen as important because of parental pressure. There is the usual perception that most ladies who remain unmarried till they are well over 30 are no longer 'wife material' and their chances of remaining single for life increase. As a result of the stigma society bequeaths them, there is the tendency for single women to become desperate. However, sometimes, ladies also play a part in discouraging the finding of a significant other. Below are some of the possible reasons:

Selectiveness

The modern day lady is more selective than what obtains in olden times. This is because parents no longer retain exclusive rights in giving them out in marriage. For this, they reject a lot of suitors for various reasons, including men being below their standards, physical appearance, financial status, age, religion, tribe, etc. It is okay to be selective but a lady can increase her chances by being less selective.

Career lifestyle

Most men tend to prefer women who work less and have time for the home. A woman needs to slow down on work and have time for other things that would ensure a successful marriage.

Social media distraction

Nowadays, some ladies are too busy texting and chatting with their smart phones and hardly have enough time to focus on getting the right partner. Also, some ladies see celebrities and the euphoria of what they present as their lifestyle and prefer to use that as a yardstick for their lives. With this attitude, it becomes difficult to cope with the reality and this may further delay a woman in terms of finding the right partner.

Spending too much time with strangers

No man would want to propose marriage to a lady whose phone is always buzzing with unserious calls. You may not be a playgirl, but he would judge you as one, and will likely flee at the slightest chance he gets.

Not financially supportive

A lady should be willing to think and work towards equipping herself in order to add value to the marriage. Adding value to marriage isn't necessarily by contributing money or giving expensive gifts. Other ways include giving good counsel, being your spouse's best friend, helping him attain his goals in life, lending him moral, mental and spiritual support, and not being a liability.

Poor packaging

In the attempt to look appealing, a lady has to take care not to come across as appalling. Dressing style determines who gets attracted to one most times. If one dresses high school, only high school-thinking guys will be attracted, and if you dress provocatively, only randy men will be interested. There is a line between decent and excess. Too much may be a turn off for some eligible bachelors. Modesty is key.

The evil of Nollywood

Written by Biodun Ogungbo - Nigeria

One story

Dr. Biodun Ogungbo

There is a story/video reported on the Internet. The title of the video, “Flying bird turns into old woman in Oshodi,” doesn’t appear to explain the disturbing scene, but its description and a local news article combine to create an unusual narrative.

In the film, an angry mob and a policewoman can just be made out, gathered in a circle on the dusty ground. As the camera finds its focus, the grim reality becomes clear. In the middle of the circle sits a woman, almost naked, her body bloodied and burnt.

Eyewitnesses quoted by a newspaper said a black bird had been flying in the sky over Oshodi, in Lagos, before striking an electrical cable, falling to the earth and transforming into a woman. The same eyewitnesses said she confessed to being a witch.

Banke Idowu was one of those who filmed the woman. She told BBC Trending that as she arrived, she was told about the metamorphosis by others in the crowd. She herself believes the explanation of witchcraft. “I’ve never seen it in real life, but I’ve heard about it and seen it in films. So when they said it happened, I believed it.”

Another story

A friend was at a discussion forum where a taxi driver claimed in broad daylight that he hit a cat on the road and after the impact, the dead cat turned into a dead woman. The police were called, they bought the taxi driver's story and took the corpse away. He got away with manslaughter! Sadly, many on the forum also believed his story.

Single at home, married on campus

EDDY UWOGHIREN
Uwoghiren is a 200 level student, Medicine and Surgery, University of Benin, Nigeria

• Secret lives of students who pretend to be virgins at home, but live with campus lovers

Pretence is a GAME students play with ease. Before their parents, they wear the borrowed robes of angels, but they become sons and daughters of iniquity on campus. A good number of undergraduates dwell in a kingdom of deceit, where sex is cheaper than a pot of porridge.Their trademark of hypocrisy and lies flourishes both in public and private universities. They announce their presence in lecture halls by their ostentatious display of wealth. While other students are seated in old rickety chairs in lecture theatres, they swim in luxury in high-brow hostels off campus. They live like kings and queens in their secret palace of love, spending in a day the income that is above the monthly earning of their parents or guardians.

Most of them, especially ladies, live for their partner. They wash the man's clothes, clean the room and spend quality time cooking delicious meals, such that an onlooker might think they are married. The fact is that they might be single at home, but on campus, they are married. They live in a love nest with the lucky guy for as long as four years.

Welcome to the world of campus couples. Cohabitation, a phenomenon where two young unmarried people live together under the same roof, is a common trend on campus. It is not uncommon to find male and female students living under one roof as couples without the consent of their parents. The habit, termed 'campus couple', has gained grounds especially in off-campus residence.

Many students, who spoke to Campus Sun, said cohabitation enables two students in love to determine their compatibility status, as they get to study themselves before marriage. The male student assumes the role of a husband and the lady takes up the role of a wife. Neighbours know both of them, as they are often seen going out together. For these campus couples, exam period is the only time that reminds them of academic work, as they spend a better part of the semester practising family life.

Investigation by Campus Sun revealed that these students go for off campus residence for some reasons, ranging from poor sanitary conditions of halls of residence, inability to secure accommodation on campus and overcrowding. It was discovered that students cohabit for economic and financial reasons.

Widows open up on sex life, coping strategies

Written by 'Nonye Ben-Nwankwo - Punch, Nigeria

Her husband is dead. She is jobless. She is saddled with five hungry mouths to feed. The burden of the next house rent lies solely on hershoulder, no companion, no friend. She is being scorned by not a few but also pitied by many others. This is the life of a typical Nigerian widow.

You see her; the picture she paints is that of a helpless woman who is more worried about her financial incapability. Ask 10 widows and nine out of them would tell you their major problem is money. But no, that is not the major predicament, it goes beyond that.

Above all the challenges and concerns, a widow is first of all, a woman who has needs – sexual needs. How does she cope when that urge, that craving and that feeling of wanting to have a man satisfy her sexual needs, comes up? How does she quench her sexual desire?

As you watch her cry at the graveside of the husband, wanting to fall into the grave with the casket, it is not only because she has lost a helpmate. She cries most importantly because she has lost a friend, a companion and of course, a lover- a sex mate!

The perception that a widow doesn't and shouldn't have a sexual need lies in the minds of the ignorant. The urge is there, stronger, deeper and certainly more intense.

"I am not too old, somebody should be around me. The urge to have sex comes on once in a while, it is the grace of God that keeps me going all this while," says 53-year-old school teacher, Getrude Oyetayo.

"Personally, I came to realise that my profession of being a teacher has helped me a lot. I am disciplined. I try to make sure I am myself. I respect myself and forge ahead. I don't dwell along that line. If I put my interest there, I will lose focus. Peradventure it comes again; I only ask God what He thinks I should do. God has always been there. God will ask me if He is not sufficient for me. If I have any sexual feelings, I engage myself in the house of God. It has helped me not to think of it.

"When I feel the urge, I run to the church. The first few years I lost my husband, I would always go to the church to sweep it. I will listen to the radio. At times, my kids would not be around, they would go back to school. I don't even have a maid. But I will manage," she explained.

Oyetayo said she had had to battle with the issue of loneliness since her husband, Williams, passed on five years ago.

"As a human being, the loneliness comes up. It is terrible. If you are not careful, you will lose focus. Loneliness is something a widow battles with. You look right, you don't see anybody and you look left, you don't see anybody. You are just on your own. My companionis my transistor radio. If I am not singing praises, I will listen to radio or watch TV. Before you know it, it would be night and I would sleep off and wake up the next morning," she says.

Five years down, Oyetayo says she is still not used to the fact that she is a widow, saying she would not wish the condition for her worst enemy.

"I was traumatised for a long time. I went through a lot of psychological and emotional pain. But God has been there. It is His grace that has been sustaining me. Being a widow is something you will not wish your worst enemy. I thank God anyway."

Thirty-year-old shares her experience

Oyetayo's story is not different from that of 30-year-old Ibienne Ekile, (not real names), a Rivers State banker based in Lagos.