Written by Bunmi Sofola
~Vanguard Nigeria. Friday, February 17, 2017.
AS I bent over Ken, a truncheon in my hand, he looked up at me with a strange sort of longing in his eyes. I kissed him hard on the lips and moved my mouth over his neck and chest. I let him get a good look at me in my American cop uniform before I took off my top and threw it on the floor. I stepped out of my knickers and straddled
him on the bed, kissing him again and stroking his body. And then it happened. I saw him get aroused as I watched. 'Bingo,' I thought, and slipping on protection, he maintained his erection as we had sex. You see George has an intimacy problem. He's in a long-term relationship and madly in love with his girlfriend but he struggles to get an erection during sex. My job is to help him-and other men like him-find their confidence sexually…."
Ashley Grayson is one of a growing number of sexual surrogates all over the world. She is married and what she does is far from prostitution. She continues:"I'm not a prostitute, although I have been called one by people ignorant of my profession. I'm a sex surrogate. I help men with sexual or intimacy problems. I step in for their partner when there's a problem and I coach them through it. I also work with single men who
have sexual anxieties and need help to overcome them. I'm in partnership with a qualified sexual psychologist who holds therapy sessions with clients. There, she will talk to them about their most intimate thoughts, experiences and issues and draw out their insecurities and anxieties. We then work together to devise a 'sexual programme' to help the client overcome his problems.
"And that's where I come in. I work one-on-one with the men over several sessions, sometimes as many as a dozen. We start off very slowly and I usually start by working on eye contact and holding hands. My job is to help the man overcome his problems with intimacy. So he can go back to his partner a confident sexual being. Or, if he's single, he can initiate a sexual relationship and follow through with it, without crippling fear or insecurities stopping him. Sexual therapy of this kind enables the client to discover intimacy as a healing experience, free from the pressures, potential rejection and judgemental attitudes they have experienced in their sexual conditioning.
Afrisonet: Universally African and Socially Responsible. We are on the path to the total discovery of the people in today's Africa. Repositioning, to have a way, a say and to make a difference! Be Part.
How to successfully tame your hostile mother-in-law!
By Okogba
~Vanguard Nigeria. Sunday, February 19, 2017.
DUNNI has been a sort of little brother for years now, and he freely comes to me any time he wants any advice. Not that much was happening in his life, not for a long time at least. An only child, he schooled in Britain and only came home when his mum had a mild stroke and could no longer run the family furniture business. His dad had passed on long before then and he confessed he couldn’t cope. “I’m not the businessman type”, he moaned "the first time he discussed the family business with me. ”I’ve noticed how firmly mum deals with the workers but I don’t really have the bottle. For a start, I know little or nothing about the staff, and for another I can’t really shout when things go wrong. I’m not the aggressive type".
I told him to keep his ears to the ground, look for one or two allies amongst the staff and tap their brain. It seemed to work for a while until one of the ‘allies’ started giving him the eye. Handsome is hardly a word to described Dunni, but he is intelligent and kind. In his early thirties, he could count the number of girlfriends he’s had on the finger. His idea of a wild night was having a good meal at a decent restaurant and topping that up with choice wine. So when he started going out with Fareedah, his mum’s personal assistant, I was happy for him.
When he brought her to the house however, my enthusiasm dipped. The girl was very pretty and extremely extroverted. She was considerably younger. What would she want with drab Dunni when she could have her pick of men? But then, I chided myself, she could have had her heart broken by a few Casanovas and wanted to give Mr. Nice Man a chance.
Dunni admitted he was a bit wary of falling in love with her when we next met. “But she is very "caring, Auntie,” he said. “You know I didn’t have that much experience with dating women, but she’d since taken care of that. The shyness I usually felt when I was near women disappeared when I went out with her the first time and she kissed me, I could hardly contain myself. As a result, our first experience at lovemaking was almost disastrous; I had no confidence because it had been such a long time I was with a woman that it was over almost before it started. But she was patient with me and the next time was better. Now we have the sort of sex I’d only ever dreamt of … ”
When I asked if he’d met any of her friends and family he told me her parents were dead. “I’ve met her friends and they are really nice,” he assured me. “If they thought it was odd her going out with me when she was so pretty and younger, they didn’t show it. Anyway, I’ve changed so much since I met her. She’s overhauled my wardrobe and made me buy a sexier car.
~Vanguard Nigeria. Sunday, February 19, 2017.
DUNNI has been a sort of little brother for years now, and he freely comes to me any time he wants any advice. Not that much was happening in his life, not for a long time at least. An only child, he schooled in Britain and only came home when his mum had a mild stroke and could no longer run the family furniture business. His dad had passed on long before then and he confessed he couldn’t cope. “I’m not the businessman type”, he moaned "the first time he discussed the family business with me. ”I’ve noticed how firmly mum deals with the workers but I don’t really have the bottle. For a start, I know little or nothing about the staff, and for another I can’t really shout when things go wrong. I’m not the aggressive type".
I told him to keep his ears to the ground, look for one or two allies amongst the staff and tap their brain. It seemed to work for a while until one of the ‘allies’ started giving him the eye. Handsome is hardly a word to described Dunni, but he is intelligent and kind. In his early thirties, he could count the number of girlfriends he’s had on the finger. His idea of a wild night was having a good meal at a decent restaurant and topping that up with choice wine. So when he started going out with Fareedah, his mum’s personal assistant, I was happy for him.
When he brought her to the house however, my enthusiasm dipped. The girl was very pretty and extremely extroverted. She was considerably younger. What would she want with drab Dunni when she could have her pick of men? But then, I chided myself, she could have had her heart broken by a few Casanovas and wanted to give Mr. Nice Man a chance.
Dunni admitted he was a bit wary of falling in love with her when we next met. “But she is very "caring, Auntie,” he said. “You know I didn’t have that much experience with dating women, but she’d since taken care of that. The shyness I usually felt when I was near women disappeared when I went out with her the first time and she kissed me, I could hardly contain myself. As a result, our first experience at lovemaking was almost disastrous; I had no confidence because it had been such a long time I was with a woman that it was over almost before it started. But she was patient with me and the next time was better. Now we have the sort of sex I’d only ever dreamt of … ”
When I asked if he’d met any of her friends and family he told me her parents were dead. “I’ve met her friends and they are really nice,” he assured me. “If they thought it was odd her going out with me when she was so pretty and younger, they didn’t show it. Anyway, I’ve changed so much since I met her. She’s overhauled my wardrobe and made me buy a sexier car.
How do you know your man or woman loves you?
~The SUN Nigeria. Sunday, February 19, 2017.
Love is a popular word. People crave to be loved. People love and accept love in return. Men and women create love stories. Others want to be identified with beautiful love stories.
When you look around you, you see couples beaming with smiles and savouring the euphoria that comes with falling in love and building relationships.
Love is sweet for those who know what it means to love and be loved. Love is beautiful for those who know that loving someone means commitment, faithfulness, affection and loyalty.
Love makes your heart skip a beat. Love makes your head swoon. Love propels lovers to seek for new ways to please their partners. Love makes you content with whatever you have.
Falling in love is one of the most exciting, rewarding and scariest things you could ever do. It is exciting because you are happy to share your life with someone else. It is rewarding because you know you are loved back in return and it is scary because many people get hurt loving others, but you decide to take the plunge all the same.
Once you are in love with someone, it's hard to remember how you lived without him or her. Of course, you were alive before you met this person, but you really didn't start living until the two of you met.
Everyone experiences love differently, and at different times. Even the meaning of love cannot be explained, because it means different things to different people. Anyone who's experienced it knows it's the best feeling ever.
But how can you tell that someone loves you? How can you be sure that your man or woman feels the same about you? What are some of the pointers to being loved? How can you differentiate between true love and the feeling of convenience many mistake for love?
One of the things that will show you that you are loved is when your man or woman never gets tired of being with you. If she cooks up excuses about spending time with you, it's not only because you have mouth odour, it's also because she doesn't want to be with you. Stop trying so hard to be in someone's life if they clearly don't want to be with you.
Ladies, stop running after men who don't want to be with you. If he always gives you excuses about meeting up with you, give him space. Love should not be one sided. You are too precious to be toyed with by one small boy all in the name of seeking companionship.
Love is a popular word. People crave to be loved. People love and accept love in return. Men and women create love stories. Others want to be identified with beautiful love stories.When you look around you, you see couples beaming with smiles and savouring the euphoria that comes with falling in love and building relationships.
Love is sweet for those who know what it means to love and be loved. Love is beautiful for those who know that loving someone means commitment, faithfulness, affection and loyalty.
Love makes your heart skip a beat. Love makes your head swoon. Love propels lovers to seek for new ways to please their partners. Love makes you content with whatever you have.
Falling in love is one of the most exciting, rewarding and scariest things you could ever do. It is exciting because you are happy to share your life with someone else. It is rewarding because you know you are loved back in return and it is scary because many people get hurt loving others, but you decide to take the plunge all the same.
Once you are in love with someone, it's hard to remember how you lived without him or her. Of course, you were alive before you met this person, but you really didn't start living until the two of you met.
Everyone experiences love differently, and at different times. Even the meaning of love cannot be explained, because it means different things to different people. Anyone who's experienced it knows it's the best feeling ever.
But how can you tell that someone loves you? How can you be sure that your man or woman feels the same about you? What are some of the pointers to being loved? How can you differentiate between true love and the feeling of convenience many mistake for love?
One of the things that will show you that you are loved is when your man or woman never gets tired of being with you. If she cooks up excuses about spending time with you, it's not only because you have mouth odour, it's also because she doesn't want to be with you. Stop trying so hard to be in someone's life if they clearly don't want to be with you.
Ladies, stop running after men who don't want to be with you. If he always gives you excuses about meeting up with you, give him space. Love should not be one sided. You are too precious to be toyed with by one small boy all in the name of seeking companionship.
Research: To enjoy long life, stop having sex! - Scientists
~Punch Nigeria. Thursday, February 16, 2017.
Scientists have suggested that they have finally found a recipe for long life:total abstinence from sex!
The University of Sheffield researchers rest their findings on the belief that nuns - who are believed to stay away from sex completely - tend to live longer.
Refraining from having sex will help you live longer than all your peers, the study found.
The scientists discovered that mealworm beetles live for longer if they avoid mating; while those who tried to produce offspring each day passed away at a much younger age.
Mating was found to release a hormone in the insects needed to produce sperm in a male or eggs in a female. But this was also found to have a negative effect on their immune system, the researchers found.
This makes them vulnerable to potentially deadly infections, as their body’s natural ability to fight rogue bacteria is compromised.
Though the mechanism is not necessarily the same in humans, study author, Dr. Michael Siva-Jothey, believes the principle can be applied.
He said: "Nuns tend to have a longer lifespan than women with children; and most people know of someone with a maiden (unmarried) aunt who seems to live forever.
"The question is, why? The beetles which mate die sooner than the beetles which don’t mate."
Humans also have weaker immune systems during sex, which explains how STIs can be easily spread, he added.
Nuns, priests, vicars and monks are known to live longer than others - but not for their religious protection.
It is believed that their low rates of high blood pressure - which increases the risk of heart disease and stroke - are responsible.
Scientists have suggested that they have finally found a recipe for long life:total abstinence from sex!The University of Sheffield researchers rest their findings on the belief that nuns - who are believed to stay away from sex completely - tend to live longer.
Refraining from having sex will help you live longer than all your peers, the study found.
The scientists discovered that mealworm beetles live for longer if they avoid mating; while those who tried to produce offspring each day passed away at a much younger age.
Mating was found to release a hormone in the insects needed to produce sperm in a male or eggs in a female. But this was also found to have a negative effect on their immune system, the researchers found.
This makes them vulnerable to potentially deadly infections, as their body’s natural ability to fight rogue bacteria is compromised.
Though the mechanism is not necessarily the same in humans, study author, Dr. Michael Siva-Jothey, believes the principle can be applied.
He said: "Nuns tend to have a longer lifespan than women with children; and most people know of someone with a maiden (unmarried) aunt who seems to live forever.
"The question is, why? The beetles which mate die sooner than the beetles which don’t mate."
Humans also have weaker immune systems during sex, which explains how STIs can be easily spread, he added.
Nuns, priests, vicars and monks are known to live longer than others - but not for their religious protection.
It is believed that their low rates of high blood pressure - which increases the risk of heart disease and stroke - are responsible.
It's none of his business the number of partners you've 'had'!
Candida by Okogba
~Vanguard Nigeria. Sunday, February 12, 2017.
A young friend of mine recently met the man of her dreams. In the whirlwind courtship that followed, they quickly got round to the conversational games that lovers play. And so it was that Mr. Right asked Miss Right; "How many men have you slept with? The sensible girl immediately reversed the question, to which 'he answered '13'. She then replied with a circumspect '10'.
"How many is it really?" I asked excitedly. `Somewhere between a hundred and a hundred and ten', she said, not batting.an eye lid. "So why did she say 10?" ` I just thought that whatever he said, mine should be less'. How brutally honest can you get? 100 to 110 guys in how many years?!
This little story got me thinking what most latter day emotional, Shylock Holmes, think they are letting themselves in for when they seem bent on digging into past histories of their new lovers! It is a really funny question when you are faced with that kind of a quandary.
"As a regular rule," continued our woman-of-the world, "a woman would do well to gauge her answer from a man's. But what happens if he says 400? Would a response of 308 show a charmingly coy sexual reticence or elicit an indignant 'you're not the mother of my future children" from her shocked partner?
"One thing you should avoid saying is that you can't remember because that could reflect badly on you. I can't remember? That many, is it? She continues: "As a rule, men, automatically double the real figure and women automatically half it. Factual information backs up the theory. There are lies, damn lies and statistics and then there are sexual statistics which must be special kind of double lie. 'Whatever lies you tell, you need to get your head above the proverbial troubled waters!
"How many people you sleep with is a private matter. How many people you admit to having slept with is a social matter and, therefore, a question of manners. What you tell your friend is different from what you tell your lovers. People want to feel special, not as though they are part of a sprawling number game. A white lie isn't necessarily a wicked deceit, but could be simple courtesy. Why tread on someone's dreams when you can just as easily not?"
Good common sense, that is, if you ask me. Only it is amazing, how many good relationships are put in jeopardy in the male partners' quest to find out how promiscuous their female partners are. Are they as promiscuous as 'friends' say they are? At one of our 'old-students' renewals recently, we reverted to nostalgia, asking about old boyfriends. One of us looked particularly – sad and it expired that after her studies, she became pregnant and planned excitedly for a wedding with the love of her life. She was more than bewildered when the boy practically disappeared from the face of the earth.
~Vanguard Nigeria. Sunday, February 12, 2017.
A young friend of mine recently met the man of her dreams. In the whirlwind courtship that followed, they quickly got round to the conversational games that lovers play. And so it was that Mr. Right asked Miss Right; "How many men have you slept with? The sensible girl immediately reversed the question, to which 'he answered '13'. She then replied with a circumspect '10'.
"How many is it really?" I asked excitedly. `Somewhere between a hundred and a hundred and ten', she said, not batting.an eye lid. "So why did she say 10?" ` I just thought that whatever he said, mine should be less'. How brutally honest can you get? 100 to 110 guys in how many years?!
This little story got me thinking what most latter day emotional, Shylock Holmes, think they are letting themselves in for when they seem bent on digging into past histories of their new lovers! It is a really funny question when you are faced with that kind of a quandary.
"As a regular rule," continued our woman-of-the world, "a woman would do well to gauge her answer from a man's. But what happens if he says 400? Would a response of 308 show a charmingly coy sexual reticence or elicit an indignant 'you're not the mother of my future children" from her shocked partner?
"One thing you should avoid saying is that you can't remember because that could reflect badly on you. I can't remember? That many, is it? She continues: "As a rule, men, automatically double the real figure and women automatically half it. Factual information backs up the theory. There are lies, damn lies and statistics and then there are sexual statistics which must be special kind of double lie. 'Whatever lies you tell, you need to get your head above the proverbial troubled waters!
"How many people you sleep with is a private matter. How many people you admit to having slept with is a social matter and, therefore, a question of manners. What you tell your friend is different from what you tell your lovers. People want to feel special, not as though they are part of a sprawling number game. A white lie isn't necessarily a wicked deceit, but could be simple courtesy. Why tread on someone's dreams when you can just as easily not?"
Good common sense, that is, if you ask me. Only it is amazing, how many good relationships are put in jeopardy in the male partners' quest to find out how promiscuous their female partners are. Are they as promiscuous as 'friends' say they are? At one of our 'old-students' renewals recently, we reverted to nostalgia, asking about old boyfriends. One of us looked particularly – sad and it expired that after her studies, she became pregnant and planned excitedly for a wedding with the love of her life. She was more than bewildered when the boy practically disappeared from the face of the earth.
8 signs your relationship is heading for the rocks
Written by Tunde Ajaja
Punch Nigeria. Friday, February 10, 2017.
Being in a loving relationship can be exciting, and for people having such an experience, life is just good and worth living. But in some cases, that ecstatic or pleasant feeling does not last forever, in which case couples could start having issues with themselves.
Punch Nigeria. Friday, February 10, 2017.
Being in a loving relationship can be exciting, and for people having such an experience, life is just good and worth living. But in some cases, that ecstatic or pleasant feeling does not last forever, in which case couples could start having issues with themselves.
Sometimes, couples could resolve those issues and move on, but at other times, such issues could be the beginning of the end of that relationship, without one of the parties knowing the relationship was already on the line.
And as it has been said several times, most relationships that eventually crash once had their own good times, thus it could sometimes be difficult knowing a relationship is in troubled waters. But, according to a psychologist, Honey Langcaster-James, in her chat with Mail Online, people who are getting unsettled about their marriage could do an appraisal on what used to be and what it is at the moment, to determine if all is well in the relationship.
This implies that there are signs that could show if one's partner is tired of a relationship or if the relationship is headed for the rocks, and these include:
If your partner frequently compares you to an ex: It is not abnormal to have certain expectations from one's partner, and in an ideal situation, experts say people should be able to constructively convey their thoughts and expectations to such a partner without injuring their self esteem. According to Langcaster-James, one of the good ways to know your partner is tired of the relationship is if he or she frequently compares you with their 'wonderful' ex or any other close person, especially when the partner says you should behave or think like them. She however pointed out that in a good relationship, people should make their partners feel special, wonderful and should focus on the partner's strength rather than weakness.
The unforgivable sin: Dating a broke man
~The SUN Nigeria. Sunday, January 29, 2017.
"It is really sad that Yomi will pay me evil for good after all I did for him. I loved Yomi with my whole life and I was faithful to him all through our four years of courtship. I met him when he was a broke ass and literarily had nothing to his name. But I didn't care, because I saw he had all the potentials.
Everyone warned me, but I never listened. I split my salary to two every month end for 3 years. I paid his rent, fed and clothed him. He even used my car freely while I jumped on buses to work. My friends all thought I was crazy doing this, and then I got him a job and our world began to fall apart.
Yomi became a stranger; he started complaining that I was too fat, that I looked older than him and that our sex life was boring.
Believe me, I did all I could; I started dieting, I joined a gym club, I dressed to please him and I read all I could about sex.
But he didn't change and it was obvious he was out to frustrate me.
Three months ago, I saw the shocker on Instagram. He had proposed to another girl. She was younger, slimmer and was everything I wanted to be for Yomi." Nike, an accountant lamented.
I am very certain that in our circle of friends, we all have a Nike. We all have a relative like Nike, who refuses to see what all others are seeing and chooses to ignore all the screaming red flags in her relationship.
Many women like to focus on irrelevancies when it comes to going into a relationship. They prefer to focus more on the fun and sexy parts. They ignore the practical issues because things are exciting and passionate at the moment.
Wait a second please! I am not talking to teenagers here; I am talking to people who fall into "are you the one?" fabulous age bracket. I believe you guys don't have to fall in love based on how cute a guy is or what he promises to do. I am sure you are past the age where you will be fantasizing about his potentials or how cute your kids might look in the future.
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