Be a good parent, put down your phone

By Sola Ogundipe
~vanguard Nigeria. Sunday, July 22, 2018.

The world is breeding a generation of tech-distracted parents. Although fathers and mothers generally agree that technology has radically transformed the way they engage social media around their children; the focus is often on how to get children off their mobile phones to do other things.

But the parents are not particularly setting a good example for the children in this respect, are they?

These days, the average parent spends far too much time on the phone-so hooked to smartphones, Ipads internet tablets and other digital devices, they may be causing tension, conflict and negative interaction with the children.

No doubt technology has transformed the way parents use digital media around their children and so many daddies and mummies are continually having the sensation of doing more than one thing at a time and being in more than one place at a time while parenting. It's all about keeping up socially.

But overuse and misuse of mobile phones by parents is having a negative effect on the children. The excessive phone-checking habit of many parents is worrisome to say the least.

There is now growing knowledge that parents that stay permanently glued to their mobile phone may be damaging their relationships with their children.

A mother can be in the kitchen at home trying to cook dinner while attending to the children, and at the same time be "virtually" at work in the office on WhatsApp or Twitter. This kind of multitasking is usually an internal struggle.


According to a recent survey of secondary school pupils in the UK, the impact that phone-checking parents, is significant. The poll was carried out by Digital Awareness UK and the Headmasters and Headmistresses' Conference (HMC).

Children that did ask their parents to stop checking social media or responding to email during family time reported the pleas fell on deaf ears. Nearly half (46 percent) said their parents just ignored them while 44 percent said they were left feeling upset at having to ask.

Parents themselves seem to be suffering confusion over their usage. Only 10 percent admitted their phone use was an issue for their kids but 43 percent reckoned they spent too much time online.

Take a second look at your husband while thinking of having an affair

By Bunmi Sofola
~Vanguard Nigeria. Saturday, July 21, 2018

"MOST times, lying with my husband watching him sleep on his back, beer belly rising and falling with each snore, he doesn't look appetizing in the least especially with his treble chin and bald head. I am starting to find him repulsive…." Melisa looked so forlorn as she told me about the state of her marriage that I had to laugh.

She wasn't amused. I reminded her they'd just been married 12 years and it was a bit early for her to start being resentful, especially when she has two adorable kids and a well heeled husband who gave her and the children virtually everything they wanted. "But what about meaningful sex? Seun was fit and energetic when we got married with a body to die for.

Now he's flabby and unattractive. His weight had more than doubled; the only thing that hasn't changed is his personality. He's still kind and loving with a good sense of humour. Trouble is, I just don't fancy him any more. I want rippling muscles-not rippling fat!"

I warned her to be extremely careful. After escaping the seven year-itch, maybe, 12 years is when her marriage should have started showing signs of being in a rut-she should strive for both of them to get out of it. "I don't know about Seun," she said simply, "but I'm trying my best to do just that. As a matter of fact, I've just met someone at work. He is a technician we briefly used. Though he is single, he knows he's nothing but a bit-on-the side. And he's so sexy.


Instead of the usual boxers, he wears clinging lycra cycling shorts which makes him look deeply sexy. It is easy to get a way to meet him as Seun works really late now he's been promoted to management level. Don't get me wrong, I love Seun, but sex with Ephraim is like an icing on a cake." I told her she was treading on dangerous grounds but she just laughed in my face.

Months later, she came running back to me, "It is Seun" she said, a bit frightened, "it is as if he suspects I'm having an affair. Last night, he came outright to ask why we never seem to make love any more. That 1 couldn't get away quickly enough whenever he touched me.

Men beware – Lack of sex can make your woman angry!

By Bunmi Sofola
~Vanguard Nigeria. Sunday, July 22, 2018.


IT is a well-known fact that sex has come to be an accepted stress reliever. Some mornings, Felicia
confesses she feels so lethargic she has to force herself out of bed. At work, the lethargy turns to irritability and she finds herself snapping at colleagues for no reason before returning home and picking silly arguments with Dan, her husband about dirty dishes and not helping enough with the children. Sound familiar?

While Felicia's mood swings may bear some resemblance to the symptoms of pre-menstrual tension or mild anxiety, they are completely unrelated to her hormones or mental state. Her crushingly low spirits are caused by something else altogether-when she last made love. Too long without sex, and she becomes miserable and fractions. "I feel so low, it's like I'm almost depressed," confesses Felicia, 33, an executive assistant. "On the weekend, I can't be bothered to look after the house or do any house work and I'm so short-tempered and feel angry at Dan for everything.

"At work too, my colleagues detect my change in mood and ask if I'm Ok, and I'll then say I'm feeling a bit low so they won't take it personally." Felicia, a mother of two children aged five and 16 months, said she made the connection between her mood swings and the state of her love life after her children were born. "Before we had children, we'd have sex whenever we wanted and would hardly go a day or two without," she recalls. "But parenthood drained our energy and we'd often be too exhausted.

As the gaps between our lovemaking becomes wider, I noticed the difference in my attitude to Dan. Even when we hadn't had sex for just a week, I'd start to feel like we were drifting apart and it made me frustrated and angry. I worried about everything and whether our relationship was in trouble. It was very frightening. I can see how couples could break up in these circumstances. A 'sex famine' as it's now popularly referred to, is something many exhausted parents can identify with, not to mention couples who've lapsed into a lazy over-familiarity in long relationships."

She did what she had to do to give her kids a better life!

Diary of a Divorced City Girl
~Vanguard Nigeria. Sunday, July 15, 2018.

WOULD you do anything to make your kids happy – however sordid you believe such things to be? A few years ago, Denike, a teaching assistant at a private primary school resigned and started a sort of petty trading. "We had the front two rooms in the house we moved to after Dele, my husband, was medically discharged from the armed forces and the little money he had ran out", she explained.
"I started with running a small canteen in front of the house but the landlord kicked against it because of the fire hazard it created. Then I started retail trading but the profits weren't much to look after us all – four children in total. I felt guilty every time I had to tell my children we couldn't afford little treats they'd taken for granted. Out of frustration, I confided in a former colleague at the school. She earned the same salary I did but had told me she also had a part-time job that paid fairly well. I wanted her to find out if there was a chance of my being employed.

"She didn't even bat an eyelid before explaining what she did. She worked at a private club that offered massages to members. It was right in the middle of town and was always busy. She could take me there if I was keen. Of course there was a catch. As well as massaging the clients, I would have to provide extras too. After giving it a thought, I said I would do anything but full sex. I would be okay with a bit of touching, but I couldn't go that far. It still didn't stop me from being nervous though. I remember my first time with a man – massaging his back, hardly knowing what to do as he tried to slip his hand up my skirt. He then pleasured himself on me. I felt dirty and violated.


"I was screaming inside. I just wanted to run from that room, go home and never came back. Then I remembered the toys my kids wanted that Christmas. I imagined their eyes lighting up as I handed them their presents on their wish list. When the man had finished, I cleaned up, took the cash from him as he left. I was a bit relieved it was ready cash. Pure profit so to speak. It was an encouraging start.

"Over the next few months, I saw more men. Some just wanted a massage and a fondle, others were after more. I still didn't feel comfortable enough to have sex with a stranger though. But the more I worked the more relaxed I was about the idea. My colleague assured me what 1 was earning were peanuts compared to what 1 would get if I went the whole way. And about three months after starting, I was finally ready to take the plunge. At least, I thought I was. That morning, I was a wreck. I couldn't eat much. Every time I thought about a stranger on top of me, I broke out in a cold sweat.

Why desperate women fall for oldest trick all the time!

~Vanguard Nigeria. Tuesday, July 10, 2018.

WHENEVER the word, ‘mistress' is mentioned, up springs the image of a calculating vamp dressed
in skimpy clothes and expensive hair extensions, ready to lure away husbands without a second thought to the families of such men. But sometimes, the truth is usually more complicated. As a result, many women who find themselves the 'other woman' are caught in situations they never bargained for. Take the case of Mylah for instance. "I wasn't looking for a relationship when I met Jacob,'she told me, a bit sad. 'I'd just split up from my husband of 11 years-and was busy looking after the three children of the marriage.

"Jacob was a friend's elder brother and we met at my friend's 40th birthday party. He told me he's been estranged from his wife for months and was waiting for his divorce to be finalized. According to him, his wife hadn't really adapted to the fact that wives were supposed to behave differently from when they were abroad,'and when they finally relocated to Nigeria. I didn't ask 'him for details and our relationship quickly took up from there. He gave me his mobile number as well as his home's and visited every spare minute he got. Gradually, we became very fond of each other and he sometimes slept over at mine.

"He lived alone and when he suggested I moved in with him, I agreed. The children were in the boarding house-and having them for the holidays wouldn't be a problem. As soon as Jacob's divorce was through, he promised we would get married-I was very happy. The fact that he was technically married didn't bother me and he openly let me know when he was popping over to his old house to see his two children. I was after all, a mother and knew the importance of both parents to children.

"I later discovered that life with Jacob wasn't always smooth-sailing. When we had rows, he would storm off for hours. Then last year, the friend I met him through arranged for us to come with her family to the Benin Republic to see a relative and have a holiday in the process. I jumped at the chance and Jacob was quite willing to go. The morning we were to go, he picked up a quarrel and stormed off again. I was furious when he didn't turn up hours later, fearing he might be in an accident. I called my friend to cancel the trip, telling her why. She calmly told me Jacob was already outside their house in the car with his wife! I was in shock. I'd believed him 100 per cent when he said they'd split. I'd had no reason not to. We were living together for heaven's sake! I asked my friend to take the phone to him, but he refused to talk to me.

Ethiopia, Eritrea sign statement that war ‘has come to an end’

~Punch Nigeria. Sunday, July 8, 2018.

Leaders of Ethiopia and Eritrea

Ethiopia and Eritrea are no longer at war, the neighbours said in a joint statement Monday, a day after their leaders held a historic meeting in Asmara.
Quoting from a “Joint Declaration of Peace and Friendship,” Eritrean Information Minister Yemane Gebremeskel said on Twitter the “state of war that existed between the two countries has come to an end. A new era of peace and friendship has been ushered (in).”

“Both countries will work to promote close cooperation in political, economic, social, cultural and security areas,” Yemane added.

He said the agreement was signed by Ethiopian Prime Minister Abiy Ahmed and Eritrean President Isaias Afwerki on Monday morning at state house in Asmara.

Images of the ceremony showed the two men sharing a wooden desk, backed by their nations’ flags, as they simultaneously signed the document.

The declaration echoed comments made by Abiy at a dinner hosted by Isaias late Sunday, where he said diplomatic, trade, transport and communications ties would be re-established and borders re-opened.

“We agreed that the airlines will start operating, the ports will be accessible, people can move between the two countries and the embassies will be opened,” Abiy said.

“We will demolish the wall and, with love, build a bridge between the two countries,” he said.

Abiy left Asmara after signing the joint agreement on Monday.

What are your kids watching?

Onoshe Nwabuikwu
~Punch Nigeria. Sunday, July 8, 2018.

Onoshe Nwabuikwu

The kids are home or will soon be home for the summer holidays or what we used to call 'long vacation. So, it's that time of the year and we get to have this conversation again. On one hand, parents are happy that the kids are home. On the other hand, how best to occupy or entertain them is a real and pressing challenge. Add the fact that some children will end up spending up to seven or more weeks at home and you can picture some parents feeling the 'long' in the long vacation.

My immediate concern of course is what kids watch on television. Do you know what your children are watching on TV? Are they watching programmes/films/shows appropriate for their ages? This would mean that you - the parents - know what's appropriate.

Knowing what's age-appropriate has been made easier by satellite/cable television since most shows have the ratings displayed. I always remind parents that those ratings are not just designs on the screen; they serve as guidance. However, you also have a right to decide what's appropriate for your own kids. Just because a programme is rated a certain age category does not mean you, the parent, shouldn't decide whether it's appropriate for your child/ren.

That's the easier part. What about stations on terrestrial TV, which don't have ratings? Not only that, they are not always sensitive to when kids could be watching TV. Surely, it's not so impossible for TV stations to actually have a holiday programme schedule? After all, summer holidays come every year.

Still making parents' lives more interesting is the fact that TV has fast moved from the good old box in the living room to all kinds of devices at kids' fingertips. The typical Nigerian parent, especially those who want to show they've 'arrived', buys the latest gadgets for their kids. So, in addition to knowing the content of what your kids are watching on TV, think iPads, smartphones and laptops, too.

At the end of the day, parents do have the most important task of ensuring that their kids watch clean TV. It isn't that they have to turn policemen. Even that would not be enough to keep kids from all the sleaze on the airwaves. A good plan is carrying the children along. As clichéic and Nigerianese as that sounds, it simply means letting the kids know the risks involved in watching certain programmes etc.

This should be an ongoing conversation which should also entrust some of the responsibilities of doing the right thing on the children. And it actually helps to begin this conversation/negotiation as early as possible. The idea is that you're not helpless and should not be a hapless receptor of garbage disguised as entertainment.