~The SUN Nigeria. Sunday, February 19, 2017.
Love is a popular word. People crave to be loved. People love and accept love in return. Men and women create love stories. Others want to be identified with beautiful love stories.
When you look around you, you see couples beaming with smiles and savouring the euphoria that comes with falling in love and building relationships.
Love is sweet for those who know what it means to love and be loved. Love is beautiful for those who know that loving someone means commitment, faithfulness, affection and loyalty.
Love makes your heart skip a beat. Love makes your head swoon. Love propels lovers to seek for new ways to please their partners. Love makes you content with whatever you have.
Falling in love is one of the most exciting, rewarding and scariest things you could ever do. It is exciting because you are happy to share your life with someone else. It is rewarding because you know you are loved back in return and it is scary because many people get hurt loving others, but you decide to take the plunge all the same.
Once you are in love with someone, it's hard to remember how you lived without him or her. Of course, you were alive before you met this person, but you really didn't start living until the two of you met.
Everyone experiences love differently, and at different times. Even the meaning of love cannot be explained, because it means different things to different people. Anyone who's experienced it knows it's the best feeling ever.
But how can you tell that someone loves you? How can you be sure that your man or woman feels the same about you? What are some of the pointers to being loved? How can you differentiate between true love and the feeling of convenience many mistake for love?
One of the things that will show you that you are loved is when your man or woman never gets tired of being with you. If she cooks up excuses about spending time with you, it's not only because you have mouth odour, it's also because she doesn't want to be with you. Stop trying so hard to be in someone's life if they clearly don't want to be with you.
Ladies, stop running after men who don't want to be with you. If he always gives you excuses about meeting up with you, give him space. Love should not be one sided. You are too precious to be toyed with by one small boy all in the name of seeking companionship.
Forget that story that husband is scarce, it is a big lie. There are good, loving husband materials everywhere. You just have to set your standards and place value on yourself. If you fall for anything, you will keep attracting men with zero husband material value.
When someone loves you, you will be the first person they think about when they wake up and the last person they think about before they go to sleep. When something good happens to them, you are the first person they want to share the good news with.
I don't understand how a woman's husband will get a contract or get promoted at work and she will be hearing it from outsiders. Then she keeps saying her husband loves her. Stop deceiving yourself. You are just a second fiddle to him.
In the same vein, when something bad happens to someone who truly loves you, he will look to you for support. When your partner prefers to look for outside comfort when he faces challenging times, you are just there as a decoration.
Sometimes, when I hear young ladies complain about not getting support from their men when it matters most, I pity them. They don't know that these men don't love them. How can a man who claims to love you abandon you when you are sick and resurface when you are better and he doesn't know how you settled the hospital bills?
You claim your man loves you, yet he can't make your needs a priority. You are just doing a disservice to yourself as a woman. If your man can't rise to the occasion when you really need him, what are you still doing with him?
Love is selfless. Love is not wickedness. Many of the relationships women are bleeding from these days are not based on love. If a man can't do anything to make you happy, he doesn't love you. You don't need to keep excusing his behaviour. If a man truly loves a woman, he will do everything within his power to make her happy.
A woman who loves her man will equally do everything she can to make him happy. If all your woman does is nag, curse and threaten you, brother, you are in love with yourself. Stop tolerating emotional abuse in the name of love. Stop it brother, please. Do it for your sanity.
When you love someone, you may feel like there is a lot you would do for
the person, but you have your limits too as a human being. A lover does the best he or she can. It is the thoughts and efforts that count. True love knows no limits.
If you have truly been in love, you will find it hard to hide what you are feeling for your partner. It is the love in your heart that makes you bold to publicly express your feelings for your significant other.
If you don't have the habit of telling the world who you love, you are not a good lover. When you are truly in love, you want everyone to know. You are not ashamed about your feelings.
As a man, if you hide your wife, but parade your side chic, you don't love your wife. When people are talking about falling in love, just keep quiet. Woman, if you are ashamed of being seen in public with your man, why are you wasting his time and yours too? Cut him loose and go for a man you can be proud of both in private and in public.
If you claim to love someone, yet you can't tolerate their imperfections, you are not being truthful to yourself. No human being is perfect. Humans are flawed beings subject to mistakes and failures. Love your partner regardless of their flaws.
I am not talking about collecting slaps, kicks and beatings. That is not a flaw. It is a big problem that needs to be addressed. Any man or woman who raises his hands against his/her partners is a beast. Physical abuse is not love. Emotional abuse is not love. Psychological abuse is not love. Don't get it twisted ladies and gentlemen.
When you tease your partners about some of their flaws, they may think you are making fun of them. But tell them how much you love them regardless of their flaws. Love and admire your partners for who they are. Love is the ability to know and accept others' faults. Love is not using their faults against them. That is wickedness.
When you are in love with someone, it's hard to imagine a future without the person in it. For this reason, you will think long-term about how you can build a life with this person. You won't give in to short-term temptations that might mess up your long-term goals.
If you cannot become a better person because you love someone, you are not ready for love. No one is perfect; we all have room for improvement. But, being in love will force you to work on these things. You want to become the best version of yourself for the person you love.
If the love you feel for your man or woman is conditional, it's not love. When you love someone unconditionally, it means that your love knows no conditions and it's absolute. It means loving them when they are sick, deformed or dying.
Love is not running away when your wife has cancer or when your husband loses all his money. That is a conditional feeling, not love. When you truly love someone, your feelings don't change when conditions change.
If your man or woman cannot share his/her interests with you because you shoot them down and belittle the dreams, you are not a love being. If some big opportunity arises in your life and your partner is not happy for you, he/she doesn't love you.
Telling a woman to leave her job, desist from pursuing her career, because of her family while the man is free to travel round the world to pursue his own dream even to the detriment of his family is not love.
Most times, these women end up angry and unfulfilled. If you love your woman, give her the freedom to chase her dreams. Don't stifle her because you feel threatened by her success. Is her success not yours too? I don't know why many men don't understand this. If she rises, you are rising too.
If you are not entirely okay with your partner's plans because it can uproot both your lives, you will work together to reach an agreement so that you both can get what you want. This is called a compromise. And this should go vice versa.
When you are in a relationship and your thoughts and opinions are discarded like used sanitary pads, you are not loved. A man or woman who claims to love you must treat your opinions with respect.
A man who truly loves you won't push his views on you. He won't laugh at you. He won't dismiss your views with a wave of hand. He won't take and execute a decision without informing you.
If a man loves you, he will support you. If a woman loves you, she will encourage you to be your best. Anyone who is not interested in your growth and development as a person doesn't love you. A lover doesn't get angry or jealous that you are progressing. They genuinely want you to succeed.
If your partner hides things from you, you are not loved. All these men who claim you don't tell a woman everything because she might use it against you are not lovers. They don't know what love is. Trust, communication and honesty become more important than anything else when you truly love someone.
When I see men and women who claim they cannot apologize to their partners, I just shake my head. Are you a god that you don't offend your partners? If you cannot sincerely apologize to your partners when you offend them, you don't love them. Apologizing to your woman doesn't make you less of a man. Your penis won't disappear if you do that.
If you love someone, treat them right. Treat them the way you want to be treated. That is love.