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Showing posts with label Lifestyle. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Lifestyle. Show all posts

Oxford English Dictionary recognises some Nigerian English words

VANGUARD HEADLINE | Posted: Wednesday, January 22, 2020

Oxford English Dictionary
My English-speaking is rooted in a Nigerian experience and not in a British or American or Australian one. I have taken ownership of English.

This is how acclaimed Nigerian writer Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie describes her relationship with English, the language which she uses in her writing, and which millions of her fellow Nigerians use in their daily communication. By taking ownership of English and using it as their own medium of expression, Nigerians have made, and are continuing to make, a unique and distinctive contribution to English as a global language. We highlight their contributions in this month's update of the Oxford English Dictionary, as a number of Nigerian English words make it into the dictionary for the first time.

The majority of these new additions are either borrowings from Nigerian languages or unique Nigerian coinages that have only begun to be used in English in the second half of the twentieth century, mostly in the 1970s and 1980s.

One particularly interesting set of such loanwords and coinages has to do with Nigerian street food. The word buka, borrowed from Hausa and Yoruba and first attested in 1972, refers to a roadside restaurant or street stall that sells local fare at low prices. Another term for such eating places first evidenced in 1980 is bukateria, which adds to buka the -teria ending from the word cafeteria. An even more creative synonym is mama put, from 1979, which comes from the way that customers usually order food in a buka: they say 'Mama, put...' to the woman running the stall, and indicate the dish they want. The word later became a generic name for the female food vendors themselves-Nobel Prize-winning Nigerian playwright Wole Soyinka notably includes a Mama Put character in one of his works.

The informal transport systems that emerged in Nigeria's huge, densely populated cities have also necessitated lexical invention. Danfo, a borrowing from Yoruba whose earliest use in written English is dated 1973, denotes those yellow minibuses whizzing paying passengers through the busy streets of Lagos, the country's largest city. Okada, on the other hand, is first attested twenty years later, and is the term for a motorcycle that passengers can use as a taxi service. It is a reference to Okada Air, an airline that operated in Nigeria from 1983 to 1997, and its reputation as a fast yet potentially dangerous form of transport, just like the motorcycle taxi.

A few of the Nigerian words in this update were created by shortening existing English words. One example is the adjective guber (earliest quotation dated 1989), which is short for 'gubernatorial'-so Nigerians, for instance, would call a person running for governor a 'guber candidate'. Another frequently used clipping with a longer history in English is agric. It was originally used in American English around 1812 as a graphic abbreviation for the adjective agricultural, but is now used chiefly in this sense in West Africa. In the early 1990s, agric began to be used in Nigeria to designate improved or genetically modified varieties of crops or breeds of livestock, especially a type of commercially reared chicken that is frequently contrasted with 'native' (i.e. traditionally reared) chicken. Two decades later, Nigerian students also started to use the word as a noun meaning agricultural science as an academic subject or course.

See what our music stars are doing to the world: They ignite fire from Lagos to the whole world

By Ehi Braimah
(Braimah is a public relations and marketing strategist based in Lagos)
VANGUARD Nigeria. Saturday, March 23, 2019


Nigeria's music culture ignites fire from Lagos to Accra, Nairobi, Dubai,
Johannesburg, Cape Town, London, Toronto, Houston and Atlanta


Davido
On election day for governors in 29 States and State Houses of Assembly seats on Saturday March 9, 2019, my family and I were having a late breakfast at about noon and Trace Naija, the popular music channel on DSTV, was on and featuring songs by top Nigerian artistes.

Then I popped this question to no one in particular: who is your favourite Nigerian music artiste and why? My daughter, a keen music follower with her eyes on media arts as a possible future vocation, answered me and announced Wizkid and Davido because of the lyrics, beat, tempo and rhythms of their songs. Wow, I exclaimed! She explained further that their songs are popular and relate well with a youthful audience.

From Lagos to Accra, Nairobi, Dubai, Johannesburg, Cape Town, London, Toronto, Houston and Atlanta, just to name a few places, Nigerian music, sometimes branded as Naija music, has created a new culture of entertainment, excitement and enjoyment as popular dance hall music in those places. Be it a bar, nightclub, lounge or restaurant, music lovers gyrate to the beat coming out of the sound monitors that are recognised and celebrated as Nigerian music.

Two years ago in Nairobi, my host Uche and I visited Club 40/40, Kiza Lounge and Black Diamond where 'Naija' pop music is played steadily. I had the same experience in Atlanta, USA, last October when Ernest, Ralph and I visited Sage restaurant, Little Lagos restaurant, Buckhead Loft, Whiskey Mistress and Regent Lounge.

I'm told that new lounges and restaurants such as Blue Lagoon and Ace also celebrate Nigerian music by Wizkid, Davido, Run Town, Olamide, Tekno, Burna Boy and so on. The effect is usually spontaneous – you just get up and begin to shake your body without any prompting to the unmistakable beats in the songs. The beats give the songs a unique Nigerian identity - a product exported from Nigeria.

Whizkid
When Dr. Reuben Abati interrogated this subject about 10 years ago in the Guardian as the newspaper's editorial board chair and columnist, he wrote that the lyrics in the music by most Nigerian artistes were meaningless and disgusting. The reactions from different quarters, especially the music industry, were swift and defiant and the matter became highly controversial at the time.

The artistes and their promoters fought back vehemently, challenging Dr Abati to a dwell in the court of public opinion and he had to publish countless rejoinders on the matter. Between then and now, the successes of our pop music stars have been remarkable and their achievements profound, thereby earning recognition globally.

Even if you do not agree with content and messaging strategy of the lyrics, the fact remains that the music produced is very popular, enjoyable and hilarious to the music consumer, and very danceable, too. There was a gap our artistes identified which they filled and the result was the big bang effect - they suddenly became popular and began to make waves, and they have never looked back since then.

Popularity and celebrity status varies among the music stars. Fame, which usually comes with a price, may come too early for some of our rising and well established stars, and when there is no consistency in their respective musical repertoire or when the successes achieved are not properly managed, it could spell trouble and declining fortunes may set in.

Stardom means experiencing a new world of bling bling, living in luxurious homes, making significant fashion statements, driving exotic cars and hiring private jets. For the male folks, women are never in short supply; being super stars actually means living life to the fullest. As the discussions continued over the late breakfast, my daughter revealed a Vanguard newspaper story where Mark Dayton, governor of Minnesota in the United States of America, declared October 6 every year as Wizkid Day. That's truly a big deal. It is remarkable.

Trapped between cultures: Nigerian parents in the US, UK, devise ways to save kids

Source: Punch Newspapers Nigeria. Saturday, November 17, 2018

Born and raised in lands thousands of kilometres away from their ancestral homes, many Nigerian parents in the Diaspora are finding new ways of reinforcing indigenous cultures in their children, writes ERIC DUMO







Jesus na you be Oga, Jesus na you be Oga, all other gods na so so yeye, every other god na yeye dem be," gushed out of 12-year-old Amaka's mouth in disjointed Pidgin English as she made for the door. It was a dry afternoon with wind blowing at top speed across most parts of California, yet the excitement on the little girl's face was as moist as a sweaty palm.



Born and nurtured in the United States, young Amaka only got to visit her parents' country - Nigeria - for the first time last December. She had heard so much about the place - many of those tales were gory presentations of what Africa's most populous country looked like. The little girl was only Nigerian in nomenclature but American in spirit and soul. When she jetted out of the LAX International Airport in California together with her father - Mr. Isaiah Uchendu - and mother, Ijeoma - on December 13 last year, she was unsure of what to expect upon arrival in Orlu, Imo State - the home town of her parents. Tales of blood-sucking demons running riot and huge man-eating apes jumping from trees to rooftops had created a dreadful picture of Nigeria in the days preceding the long voyage. It was the beginning of the end as far as she was concerned. But 11 months after that historic trip, Amaka has a different idea of her fatherland and the amazing culture of its many peoples.

Experiencing Lagos, Abuja, Port Harcourt, Calabar, Owerri and her native Orlu in the five weeks she
stayed in the country, the little girl not only realised how wrong her earlier ideas were but also what she had been missing all along. She wished she could turn back the hands of time.

"I thought we were heading to a jungle in Africa but I was surprised when the airplane landed in a place called Lagos, a big city with cars and houses," the 12-year-old recalled as our correspondent played guest to the family at their modest three-bedroomed apartment in San Bernardino, Los Angeles, California, during a recent visit to the United States.



There are about 23,302 Nigerians in the state of California alone, according to a 2016 American Community Survey. While many have lived there for decades, acquiring citizenship status in the process, the pursuit of a new life amidst crushing poverty and widening economic inequality in Nigeria has driven dozens more there.

The Uchendus moved to this bustling city a little over 12 years ago - shortly before Amaka's delivery - their first and only child. The couple, despite now fully entrenched in the American way of life, has not forgotten their roots. Each year, one of them makes the long trip home at least once to see and meet with family members, relatives and friends. The tradition has not only helped them to keep in touch with happenings in their home community but also helped them put to good use their hard-earned savings in the United States. Isaiah works as a driver at a delivery company, while Ijeoma is a senior sales executive at a popular chain store. But while they have plenty of 'Nigeria' in them even in America, Amaka only knows little about home - a situation the couple are desperate to change.
"My daughter used to have weird thoughts about Nigeria and Africa in general and that bothered me and my wife a lot," the 42-year-old said, clutching tightly to the little girl on the three-seater sofa they sat. "Initially, we didn't pay much attention to this but as she began to grow older, we became more concerned. We wanted her to know more about home - about our hometown, Orlu, and our culture in general.

"We saw how other Nigerian parents were beginning to seriously introduce and instil their indigenous culture in their children, so we became more interested in doing the same.
"We began to take her to more Nigerian events in California and started making her take active part in the activities just like the other children.

"As time wore on, she started to show more interest and in fact wanted to know more about Nigeria and her many cultures. My wife and I, at that point, thought that it would be nice to finally take her home to witness things for herself.

Mental health challenges facing modern African male

Written by Adeoye Oyewole
~PUNCH Nigeria. Thursday, February 21, 2019

The term 'man' is usually reserved for an adult male of the human species, while 'manhood' is used to describe the period after he has transitioned from boyhood, having attained secondary male sexual characteristics that symbolise his coming of age and assumes the responsibilities accruable to that status.

Masculinity may vary in different cultures, but it has universal principles across cultures which basically embodies assertiveness, responsibility, selflessness, ethics, sincerity, and respect that has strong associations with physical and moral strength. The biological inputs through hormones induce the process of physical maturity in the males, which redirects the biological processes away from the default female route.

In many cultures, displaying characteristics not typical to one's gender may become a social problem for the individual. However, labelling and conditioning are based on gender assumptions as part of socialisation to match the local cultural template. In the primitive hunter-gatherer societies, men were often, if not exclusively, responsible for all large game killed, the capturing, raising and domesticating of animals, the building of permanent shelters, the defence of villages and sustenance the family in all ramifications.


Each time the universally agreeable traits of manhood are challenged, anxiety and anger may be provoked leading to maladaptive behavioural patterns. With the globalisation of values, there is an increased liberation of the female gender with the attendant financial independence, among other things, which has been the premise of male domination over the centuries.

Although the actual stereotypes may have remained relatively constant, the values attached to masculine stereotypes may have changed over the past few decades, since it is argued that masculinity is an unstable phenomenon and dynamic in conceptualization. However, the old ideals of manhood are getting obsolete just as the new is still not properly defined as we grope in darkness which forms the basis of manhood and masculinity crisis with grave mental health consequences in societies like ours in cultural transition.

The typical modern African man has cognitive dissonance, with respect to his roles as a traditional dominant male in the family as he also attempts to espouse the western ideas that compel him to recognise his wife as a partner in the business of raising the family. The traditional stereotypes of the father as the breadwinner and the mother as a homemaker are almost historical in the light of today's economic realities.

The effects of sexual frustration

~Punch Nigeria. Sunday, March 31, 2019

The concept of having to deal with a sexually frustrated person has never occurred to yours truly as a
disease entity. However, several weeks ago, a man who is not even a skilled worker brought me face to face with an entirely new concept of illness and the facts unearthed were very profound. The sexually frustrated individual is that person who because of certain peculiarities within their body is unable to enjoy the sexual act. They are not satisfied by any act because of some attributes that they have. Some of these people have deformed organs or inadequately developed organs and are unable as a consequence to copulate. They are agitated persons because they do not have good sex, cannot complete a sexual encounter and consequently lack sex. Such people are nearly universally frustrated and the frustration they feel is the gap between the people's desired sexual goals and their actual achievement. Some of these persons may even be hermaphrodites, being that they have both male and female sex organs.

The individual who led me on this fact-finding mission is a security man. The jovial man is a dutiful sentry at the main gate of a large company dealing in oil products. The three women who drove up to the gate had no appointment according to the security man and the women in turn had no reason to be verbally abusive because the gentleman was doing his job. There is no derogatory term they did not use on him and he stood there emphasizing that he would not let them in. The women were all in their mid-forties and wore human hair and loud make-up. They looked a bit crazy too and talked in a rough manner. The security man was careful not to provoke a scene since he could not entirely be certain who within the company they knew.

However, when the noise and abuse became unbearable, he faced them calmly and told them they were sexually frustrated women. He said further that they should look for good men to teach them some bedroom lessons so that their heads could cool down. He hit a raw nerve: the women were at first stunned into silence. Then they got into their Sport Utility Vehicle and drove away.

A few weeks later, one remembered the incident and decided to do an online search. The findings were profound enough to provoke this essay. Yes, there is such a concept and yes, there are related health challenges associated with its presence in our lives. It is important to know that no two people have the same sexual desires and tastes, not even among identical twins. Some people want a lot of it and others less. And this is when the male genitals and the female counterpart are normal and able to function in the way they are supposed to function. It is a present feature in every marriage and the effects can be quite profound. For that reason, it is not universally found to be a problem which certain medications can solve. In many cases, no drugs would help them deal with the issue. There are many hurdles to cross before the men, most commonly become afflicted with erectile dysfunction which progressively takes away the excitement surrounding sex. In some situations, one partner may assume that there is sufficient sex in the relationship and could develop problems not being able to understand why the other party whines about not having enough of it.

Who says the maid can't have what 'madam' is having?!

~Vanguard Nigeria. Sunday, February 24, 2019.

I've known Ado for decades and his insatiable appetite for sex never fails to amaze me. He's been married and has managed to stay married for close to 20years. A few years into his marriage, he rushed into my office, bursting with excitement. "I had the most amazing sex of my life yesterday", he told me as soon as we were alone. His wife was pregnant with their second child and I wondered how the poor woman could have performed the feat for which he was now proud. "Not with my wife of course," he said, looking at me as if I were some sort of a clod, "with a woman I ran into at a party. You should see her; gorgeous and eager to make friends, she'd come to the party with two of her friends but seemed to e really interested n what I had to say. I told her I was married and she said she was too - and a mother of three. So where was her husband? I didn't come with my wife either and I wasn't really interested in what her husband looked like - all I wanted was her. 

"When I told her I would love us to meet up sometime, she said she was an events planner, she was planning a wedding reception that weekend on the grounds of a posh hotel and was saying in one of the rooms to make sure things went according to plan. I could look in if I felt like it. We exchanged phone numbers and I couldn't sleep for the anxiety. Come the Friday she said she would check into the hotel I told my wife I was off to a stag night party; it was the safest excuse I could give her. If I didn't strike gold, I could come home early. If I did I would have this ready story for I was too drunk to drive. My wife's pregnancy was advanced an she couldn't be bothered what I did as long as I left her to rest. This lady's hotel room reeked of seduction.

"I knew I'd really got lucky. She was so relaxed about the whole thing, she made our being alone in a room for the first time feel like the most natural thing in the world. We had a few drinks and some snacks she'd brought from home. Then spent the next few hours having the most fantastic sex. I hadn't had sex with my pregnant wife for a long time that I wasted no time at all, but she was really matured about it as we both pleasured each other until I felt ready again.

"It was better than winning the jackpot as we did it in positions I didn't even know existed. I never knew sex could be so intoxicating. She never took her hands off me throughout the night and when I finally got home in the early hours, I was so knackered that I didn't wake up until mid-day. My poor wife thought I was nursing a hangover. I relieved the sex I just had over and over again and became so randy that I pounced my wife. Poor thing! She must have missed sex too as she fell grateful into my arms. But it was this new woman I thought of while it lasted. I longed to see her body under mine once again.

Corpers and life of sex, booze, drugs in NYSC camps

By Timileyin Akinkahunsi and Ojoi Ijagah
Punch Nigeria. SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 23, 2018.

For Dorcas Ifeji, the best time of her life was in 2016, the year she participated in the one-year mandatory National youth service programme. And all of the excitement was down to the three weeks she spent in the National Youth Service Corps orientation camp in Taraba State.

Ifeji described her experience in camp as the time of her life she would always relish. As a fresh graduate, she had thought that the regimented life in the camp, with soldiers keeping a watchful eye on corps members, would be stressful, but she was wrong. The experience was almost like nothing changed for the party-loving lady.

"We had a place called Club Zero behind the Mammy Market (usually a market in military barracks where food, beverages and other things are sold); it was like a clubhouse," she said with a sheepish smile.

"Club Zero was where everything unimaginable happened in the camp. It was just behind the Mammy Market. You could get to smoke weed, party and indulge in everything irregular; some adventurous people even made out in the open.

"What made Club Zero interesting was because the soldiers in the camp usually let their guards down there, looking for free beer from the guys and willing girls to flirt with. Some soldiers were lucky enough to find drunk and vulnerable girls who would follow them to their quarters for private business.

"It was normal to see corps members in pairs, kissing, groping and doing sexually suggestive things in Club Zero. The place was dimly lit so the atmosphere was conducive for certain actions. A day really stood out for me: people were shouting and I was wondering what could have happened. Then I realised that a guy and a lady had just been found having sex in a corner at Club Zero.

"The act should have attracted serious punishment but people actually hailed them and after the noise went down, all the soldiers present there said was 'una must buy us one crate of beer o' (you must buy us a crate of beer)."

Since the national youth service is compulsory for Nigerian graduates under the age of 30, those seeking employment are required to show proof of participation or formal exemption from taking part in it as a prerequisite for getting jobs in the country.

Good-time girl with a heart of gold!

Diary of a Divorced City Girl
~Vanguard Nigeria. SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 16, 2018.

Faith was having a private dinner at a push restaurant with her current sugar-daddy when she spotted her mum's best friend at the reception.  "It was too late for me to avoid her not noticing me", Faith said. "Aunty May as we all called her is my Mum\s very good friend and my `partner' is one of her friends' husband.  I'd actually met him at her place when they had a house-warming party. I could always tell a bored, rich old man from a distant and I made a bee-line for him.
"Mike, as he later introduced himself was a very successful businessman and he was flattered to be chatted up by me. I was a fresh graduate but looking for a salaried job was the furtherest thing on my mind. Even as an undergraduate, I'd built a very impressive client¨le of men who found my type of beauty alluring. I was tall, very light-skinned - not bleached with boobs to die for. And I was a good girl.  Largely because of the solid moral grounding I got from my Muslim father, who sadly passed away five years ago, and my hospital matron mother.

"It was my close friend, Angela at the university who introduced me to this life of leisure I love so much.  She got drunk one night and blurted out something as soon as she came through the door of the room we shared.  `Faith, promise me you won't tell a soul but I've got something to tell you. I've been dying to tell you for months now'.  `What is it?'  I quizzed her. `Have you got a new boyfriend?' `Humph, sort of", she giggled mischievously.  `I've actually got PLENTY of boyfriends and they pay me well for services rendered!' I was gob smacked. `Are you tell me you're a prostitute?'


"It turns out there is this lively house she visits from time to time. It is owned by a glamorous socialite who'd hosted a lot of men since her husband passed away decades ago", even whilst her husband was alive, she'd made little or no efforts to hide her escapades. As she and her `gang' grew older, they encouraged younger single girls to visit so the men would be spoilt for choice.  `I's easy', Angela told me.  `As long as you like sex, it's a breeze. You should give it a go' While the thought first repulsed me, I couldn't get the idea out of my head. Could I actually do it? What would Mum say'  In the end I did take the plunge and the money along with the contacts were so intoxicating I never looked back.

Be a good parent, put down your phone

By Sola Ogundipe
~vanguard Nigeria. Sunday, July 22, 2018.

The world is breeding a generation of tech-distracted parents. Although fathers and mothers generally agree that technology has radically transformed the way they engage social media around their children; the focus is often on how to get children off their mobile phones to do other things.

But the parents are not particularly setting a good example for the children in this respect, are they?

These days, the average parent spends far too much time on the phone-so hooked to smartphones, Ipads internet tablets and other digital devices, they may be causing tension, conflict and negative interaction with the children.

No doubt technology has transformed the way parents use digital media around their children and so many daddies and mummies are continually having the sensation of doing more than one thing at a time and being in more than one place at a time while parenting. It's all about keeping up socially.

But overuse and misuse of mobile phones by parents is having a negative effect on the children. The excessive phone-checking habit of many parents is worrisome to say the least.

There is now growing knowledge that parents that stay permanently glued to their mobile phone may be damaging their relationships with their children.

A mother can be in the kitchen at home trying to cook dinner while attending to the children, and at the same time be "virtually" at work in the office on WhatsApp or Twitter. This kind of multitasking is usually an internal struggle.


According to a recent survey of secondary school pupils in the UK, the impact that phone-checking parents, is significant. The poll was carried out by Digital Awareness UK and the Headmasters and Headmistresses' Conference (HMC).

Children that did ask their parents to stop checking social media or responding to email during family time reported the pleas fell on deaf ears. Nearly half (46 percent) said their parents just ignored them while 44 percent said they were left feeling upset at having to ask.

Parents themselves seem to be suffering confusion over their usage. Only 10 percent admitted their phone use was an issue for their kids but 43 percent reckoned they spent too much time online.

Men beware – Lack of sex can make your woman angry!

By Bunmi Sofola
~Vanguard Nigeria. Sunday, July 22, 2018.


IT is a well-known fact that sex has come to be an accepted stress reliever. Some mornings, Felicia
confesses she feels so lethargic she has to force herself out of bed. At work, the lethargy turns to irritability and she finds herself snapping at colleagues for no reason before returning home and picking silly arguments with Dan, her husband about dirty dishes and not helping enough with the children. Sound familiar?

While Felicia's mood swings may bear some resemblance to the symptoms of pre-menstrual tension or mild anxiety, they are completely unrelated to her hormones or mental state. Her crushingly low spirits are caused by something else altogether-when she last made love. Too long without sex, and she becomes miserable and fractions. "I feel so low, it's like I'm almost depressed," confesses Felicia, 33, an executive assistant. "On the weekend, I can't be bothered to look after the house or do any house work and I'm so short-tempered and feel angry at Dan for everything.

"At work too, my colleagues detect my change in mood and ask if I'm Ok, and I'll then say I'm feeling a bit low so they won't take it personally." Felicia, a mother of two children aged five and 16 months, said she made the connection between her mood swings and the state of her love life after her children were born. "Before we had children, we'd have sex whenever we wanted and would hardly go a day or two without," she recalls. "But parenthood drained our energy and we'd often be too exhausted.

As the gaps between our lovemaking becomes wider, I noticed the difference in my attitude to Dan. Even when we hadn't had sex for just a week, I'd start to feel like we were drifting apart and it made me frustrated and angry. I worried about everything and whether our relationship was in trouble. It was very frightening. I can see how couples could break up in these circumstances. A 'sex famine' as it's now popularly referred to, is something many exhausted parents can identify with, not to mention couples who've lapsed into a lazy over-familiarity in long relationships."

She did what she had to do to give her kids a better life!

Diary of a Divorced City Girl
~Vanguard Nigeria. Sunday, July 15, 2018.

WOULD you do anything to make your kids happy – however sordid you believe such things to be? A few years ago, Denike, a teaching assistant at a private primary school resigned and started a sort of petty trading. "We had the front two rooms in the house we moved to after Dele, my husband, was medically discharged from the armed forces and the little money he had ran out", she explained.
"I started with running a small canteen in front of the house but the landlord kicked against it because of the fire hazard it created. Then I started retail trading but the profits weren't much to look after us all – four children in total. I felt guilty every time I had to tell my children we couldn't afford little treats they'd taken for granted. Out of frustration, I confided in a former colleague at the school. She earned the same salary I did but had told me she also had a part-time job that paid fairly well. I wanted her to find out if there was a chance of my being employed.

"She didn't even bat an eyelid before explaining what she did. She worked at a private club that offered massages to members. It was right in the middle of town and was always busy. She could take me there if I was keen. Of course there was a catch. As well as massaging the clients, I would have to provide extras too. After giving it a thought, I said I would do anything but full sex. I would be okay with a bit of touching, but I couldn't go that far. It still didn't stop me from being nervous though. I remember my first time with a man – massaging his back, hardly knowing what to do as he tried to slip his hand up my skirt. He then pleasured himself on me. I felt dirty and violated.


"I was screaming inside. I just wanted to run from that room, go home and never came back. Then I remembered the toys my kids wanted that Christmas. I imagined their eyes lighting up as I handed them their presents on their wish list. When the man had finished, I cleaned up, took the cash from him as he left. I was a bit relieved it was ready cash. Pure profit so to speak. It was an encouraging start.

"Over the next few months, I saw more men. Some just wanted a massage and a fondle, others were after more. I still didn't feel comfortable enough to have sex with a stranger though. But the more I worked the more relaxed I was about the idea. My colleague assured me what 1 was earning were peanuts compared to what 1 would get if I went the whole way. And about three months after starting, I was finally ready to take the plunge. At least, I thought I was. That morning, I was a wreck. I couldn't eat much. Every time I thought about a stranger on top of me, I broke out in a cold sweat.

'It was my chance to give him a sex education!'

~Vanguard Nigeria. Sunday, July 1, 2018.
Written by Bunmi Sofola

WHAT unbridled passion could make a woman seduce a lad? Isn't every gangling boy's fantasy, luring a matured woman to bed for his first and subsequent sexual experiences? Ironically,there are women out there who find unfettered lads attractive. Nora was one of them-until she got her fingers burnt. A divorced mother of two lovely boys, by age 36, she'd been divorced but living in her own house with a couple of cars to complement her life-style. "When I met Veron two years ago, he'd just finished with his OND and was on his year working experience-and he was serving it at a friend's office," said Vera. "He had no job description-he was more of a man-Friday who did odd jobs. When I visited this friend of mine on this fateful day, I was feeling really famished and she quickly sent Veron to get us some food to eat.

"I teased him about being very young with a lot of girl-friends, but he smiled shyly. He said he'd soon be 24- but his body-over 6ft, broad shoulders and slim hips, screamed sexuality. He once let it slip that he was still a virgin and I showed surprise. Was he kidding? Then I felt excited-to this day, I'd never know why. It would be quite a pleasure teaching him a trick or two about sex. It would be a teacher/pupil fantasy. My chance to give him sex education. Afterall, it's a belief that women hit their sexual peak in their 30s, and men 20s…. We'd be in perfect sync. Lust had kicked in.

"My first son was to be 12 a couple of weeks later and I invited him to attend. He hung around till the end of the party. He was a bit tipsy by this time. That might have encouraged his next move-afterall I didn't exactly hide the fact I found him attractive. As soon as we were alone, he pulled me to him and kissed me hard. I was a bit embarrassed, I'd forgotten his inexperience and quickly offered him more drinks before sending him on his way. I told him to come back the next day when the children would be at their grandma's.

"The next day, as soon as I led him to the bedroom he dived into the bed, quickly peeling off his clothes. As I stripped to my silky undies, he was virtually quivering. Was it from passion? Nerves? Quietly, I plotted how to approach this shy, inexperienced man meeting up with a woman who'd promised him sex. Of course, I was nervous because I wanted his first time… to feel special. 'I love you…' he whispered. Of course he didn't, I told myself. Every strapping lad wants sex, lots of it. Well, just like me! And so it started-the education of Veron. By the time I sent him home, he'd gained a life-time experience. My friends found it hilarious when I told them. They warned it wouldn't last. But who cared? This wasn't about love, it was animal passion.

Where exactly are the wife materials?!

Diary of a Divorced City Girl by Emmanuel Okogba
~Vanguard Nigeria. Sunday, June 17, 2018.

HAVE you noticed it's taking men a long time to settle down these days and make an honest woman of one of the 'catches' they always have on the leash? When Joseph hit his 30s, I often counselled him on the advantages of settling down and having all his children whilst he was young. "What's the hurry," he always told me.
A suave gentleman with a good job and a nice to-die-for pad, he believed it wouldn't be an effort to meet a partner when he was good and ready to settle down. He recently hit 40, and a dad to an adorable son whose mother doesn't want to get married! "I couldn't really believe it when she told me", Joseph said, scandalised. "I was too old for her? Too old?

She was in her mid 20s, when we met and already had a child.

"When she became pregnant, I grudgingly decided to ask her to be my wife thinking she would be grateful to have a stepfather for her child. She was also for it at first, but after she had the child, she told me she didn't think I was financially buoyant enough to look after her and two children. That her furniture business was doing well and she would rather be on her own. I was free to visit my son any time I wished and contribute to his upbringing. I was speechless. Not even my mother could talk her round. She's put a big dent in my self-esteem, I tell you! I'm now 40 and don't think I'll ever have a genuine girlfriend to make my wife. I want to settle down and have children by one woman. As things are now, it seems I've mucked up and made a mess of my future. It's true I loved clubbing and each weekend, I'd take home a different girl and we'd have a great time.


"I was young and all I wanted was sex and more sex and I didn't see anything wrong with what I was doing – that was until now. To my embarrassment, I've discovered, that no decent girl will come near me. Yes, I do get girls, but they've been around a bit, and I've slept with most of them. Just before the end of the year, I went to an office and met a lot of girls having a natter. It so happened that, out of the seven of them, I'd slept with five.

"They greeted me warmly but I was shaking in my shoes with embarrassment. I was sure that as soon as I left, they'd be having a good gossip at my expense! I don't want that kind of life again. I know its' my fault that I suddenly found myself out of the market. I mean, I never dreamt I would get involved with a single mother, not to think of such a person giving me the elbow!

What you expect from your marriage is not what you often get!

Written by Bunmi Sofola
~Vanguard Nigeria. Sunday, June 17, 2018.

Couple
WILL the average person experiencing problems in their relationship know the right time to walk away? It goes without saying that divorce now is quick and with little rancour, single parenthood is on the increase and more men opt for the single life despite the fact that eligible women are two a penny (seemingly). Yet, never before has there been that fear of uncertainty in abandoning a relationship that was obviously going nowhere than now. A few months ago, I ran into a friend's daughter and asked after her mother.

Sheepishly, she told me it was a long time she saw her mother last as she was now living with her fiance. That would have been perfectly in order if it was what she wanted too. "I would have preferred for us to get married", she shrugged, "but he doesn't want to commit himself until I'm pregnant".

What happens if she gets pregnant, gets married, and later has a miscarriage? Will the man abandon her some two years later if she can't conceive again? These questions and lots more ran through my mind but I didn't want to make the poor girl more miserable than she already was. She is currently hopping from one gynaecologist to the other and when I asked her if the love of her life had gone for a test too, she said it wasn't necessary as he'd already fathered a child. I wanted to tell her that was no proof. That I knew a few 'surrogate' fathers who'd made a few 'barren' women mothers. The legal fathers are none the wiser and the mothers are now free of criticisms and jibes from their in-laws. Their marriage seems to be on an even keel.

The situation that gives a lot of concern is where the couples know that their marriage is lying on its back with its hooves virtually in the air but sit tight and hope that things will get better.

Unfortunately, they seldom do. Boma, a retired industrial nurse in her 60s now sits alone in her lovely house, wishing she'd had the common sense to kick her wayward husband out of their matrimonial home when she realized he was a bum despite the fact that he was a medical doctor. "I had a very shrewd father who believed in putting a bit by for the rainy day", she said. "When I was working after my training in England, he was always urging me to save and send whatever I could home so he could buy me some property. His letter bothered on an irritation at times but his insistence goaded me into doing temporary jobs – and petty-trading along with my regular job so I could send him money. He always made up for the balance and thanks to him, when we came back, I had a few plots of land here and there.

GYMS – DANGER TO MARRIAGES

Recent studies across the world by a group of Christian Social Women Group has revealed that patronage of gyms are becoming a high risk option to sustainability of marriages.

The health and physical benefits of gyms not withstanding, the gyms are proving to be fertile grounds for infidelity and promiscuity. Some of the observations made are revealing:

First, the gym instructors prey on vulnerable women. A lot of married women have adopted the gym as a panacea to reducing weight and looking cutely attractive. Presumably because their spouses could be more attracted to their new curvy bodies. This makes them vulnerable to predating gym instructors who take advantage and seduce them. Touching the women at their most weakest areas opened them up for abuses and lasciviousness. Women biologically respond to tickles and fondles depending on which part of the body you touch. Gym instructors cunningly and constantly touch these spots when they observed them to break the emotional stability of those women. These over a period opens up those women for abuse. It was observed that these are prevalent with more affluent women and also lonely spouses.

Socialisation – The study also revealed that most marriages have suffered because the men or women have taken the gyms as their main centres of socialisation. When couples don’t find any reliable source of socialisation, they see the gym and the patrons as their most reliable friends, partners and joy. Most couples who attend the gym together do not face this risk. Couples who attend gyms alone are very prone to these dangers. After a period of socialising with the same opposite sex for a time, bonding becomes almost unavoidable. The more they train, chat, drink and sometimes eat together after the physical exercises, they become used to each other and sometimes share their marriage challenges. Unsuspecting partners are taken advantage of through a show of sympathy and sometimes outright deception and ill advice.

Targeting – Some men and women have intentionally joined gyms and clubs purposely to prey on a targeted victim. Many men and women have ignorantly fallen to wicked and deceitful men and women who have targeted them over a period. The targets may not know that these men and women have intentioned to have them for long and unsuspectingly opened up to them as gym mates and friends.

Why I asked to be killed at Swiss suicide clinic –104-year-old scientist

~Yahoo News UK. Thursday, May 10, 2018.

Dr David Goodall
British-born academic Dr David Goodall has explained why he has chosen to end his own life at the age of 104.

Dr. Goodall, who was born in Britain but lived for much of his life in Australia, travelled to Switzerland to visit a euthanasia clinic.

Wearing a sweatshirt with the slogan 'Ageing Disgracefully', he addressed a press conference today (Wednesday) on the eve of his death to explain his decision.

“I am rather surprised at the wide internet in my case. I am very appreciative of the hospitality of the Swiss federation and the ability which one has here to come to an end gracefully,” he told reporters.

“I am happy to have this chance, though I would have preferred to have had it in Australia, and I greatly regret that Australia is behind Switzerland in this move, and that most countries are in fact behind Switzerland.

“One wants at my age, and even rather less than my age, one wants to be free to chose their death at an appropriate time.

“My abilities have been declining over the past year or two - well, my eyesight has, for the past five or six years.

“I no longer want to continue life. I am happy to have the chance tomorrow (Thursday) to end it and I appreciate the help of the medical profession here in making that possible.”

He assured the gathered press that he had no regrets about the decision he had made.

He also said that his family supported his decision and that none of them had tried to change his mind.

“There are many things I would like to do, I suppose; but its too late. I am content,” he said.

Dr. Goodall received a round of applause from those gathered after bursting into song during the press conference.

When one reporter asked him if he had chosen a piece of music to listen to during his last moments, he replied that he had not, but that he would chose the final movement of Beethoven's ninth symphony.

Dr. Goodall then sang a section of the piece of music to the delight of those present.

Dr. Goodall will die on Thursday with a number of family members present.


Five ways to cope with a partner who does not apologise

Written by Tunde Ajaja
~ Punch Nigeria. Sunday, April 29, 2018.

At 45 and 40 respectively, Mr. James Koledowo and his wife, Simi, have experienced the good, the bad and the ugly in their near four years of marriage.

Seen by many in their church and neighbourhood as a happily married couple, Simi admitted that truly they had had exciting moments, but that when it comes to resolving their differences, she could count on her five fingers how many times her husband had apologised to her, even when he was evidently the one at fault.

"Not that he had never offended me and not that he didn't know he was wrong at those times, but he just felt a man should not be the one apologising, thinking it was degrading for a man to do that," she said in a recent interaction with Saturday PUNCH.

From the unprintable things he says anytime they had quarrel to doing certain things a reasonable man should not do to his wife and causing her emotional distress, Simi said she still doesn't understand why he finds it difficult to admit that he could be wrong and then "do the needful" - apologise.

"That is one thing that has consistently moved me to tears in this marriage," she said. "I don't know if it is pride, or he feels he's too perfect to be wrong or he feels admitting he's wrong is a sign of weakness. But I've learnt to ignore him, and when I can't stomach it, I just walk away because sometimes, I just feel like screaming and doing something silly."

Notably, in any human relationship, especially marriage, disagreement somewhat seems inevitable, and this underscores why marriage counsellors stress the need for couples to learn to say 'sorry'. They said refusal to say it could make issues degenerate into serious conflict. And according to findings, women apologise more frequently than men.


But why do some people find it difficult to say sorry? A psychologist, Prof. Oni Fagboungbe, said it is an ego problem. He explained that psychologically, such people feel their ego would be deflated when they apologise and that when their ego is deflated, it brings shame. Thus, they don't apologise so as not to look cheap before their spouses.

Speaking on how they come about such habit, he said it could be the personality makeup of the person, as they could have learnt that while growing up and that some inherit the trait that predisposes them to such.

Our 'assets', a blessing and curse -Women with large boobs and bums

By Eric Dumo
Sunday, March 11, 2018
Daramola Salako

Adedoyin Ajayi is a young lady full of life. A small-scale business woman, her job allows her to
interact with persons from diverse backgrounds on a daily basis. Though she operates from the Ikosi area of Lagos, the 28-year-old constantly moves to different parts of the city to carry out transactions. But despite her frequent interactions with people, Ajayi likes to stay away from the limelight. Even though a very friendly person, certain elements have contributed to making her uncomfortable around strangers these days.

"I feel very uncomfortable with the stares I get from people, especially men whenever I am walking on the road," the young woman said, her face growing pale. "Once I emerge, people look at me as if they had seen a 'ghost'. Some, especially the men, even follow me about just to feed their eyes the more. It is a big problem for me," she added.

Endowed with large breasts and big buttocks, Ajayi's 'heavenly assets' are increasingly proving to be one of her biggest problems today. At only 28, what the Oyo State-born lady 'carries', can perhaps be imagined on most women two times her age, who after several child births would have added more flesh in these 'critical' regions. Besides the leg-crumbling stares she gets from people, the attention from men - old and young - has become a major source of concern for her.

"Sometimes I feel as if I had committed a big crime by having large buttocks and boobs," Ajayi cut in sharply during an encounter with our correspondent at a popular drinking joint around her neighbourhood earlier in the week. "There is nowhere I go to that people don't make me feel uncomfortable with their stares. As a matter of fact, I have had to cancel some movements simply because I want to save myself the emotional burden that comes with this problem. On several occasions, I have had to take a cab to certain places just to avoid being harassed by people, especially the men for my endowments.

"Apart from the kind of looks I get from people, the disturbance I get from men asking me out is enough for me to remain permanently indoors. A lot of times, when people like these can't get my contact, they go to look for me on Facebook to see if they search with my name maybe they can find me. But because I changed the spelling of my name on that platform, it is difficult for them to find me. I know this because some men who disturb me a lot confess to me that they went to find me on Facebook.

"Though I can handle the situation better now than I used to some years back, I still find it hard to cope with the different names men call me as a result of my big bum and breasts. Many of them promise me all sorts of things but because I know they are only lusting after my body, I don't give them a chance. This issue is a big problem for me," she said.

...about Bob Marley's death

~Sources

Former CIA agent Bill Oxley has confessed on his deathbed to assassinating Bob Marley on behalf of the government.
A 79-year-old retired officer of the CIA, Bill Oxley, has made a series of stunning confessions since he was admitted to the Mercy Hospital in Maine on Monday and told he has weeks to live. He claims he committed 17 assassinations for the American government between 1974 and 1985, including the music icon Bob Marley.

Mr. Oxley, who worked for the CIA for 29 years as an operative with top-level security clearances, claims he was often used as a hitman by the organization, to assassinate individuals who could represent a threat to the goals of the agency.

Trained as a sniper and marksman, Mr. Oxley also has significant experience with more unconventional methods of inflicting harm upon others, like poisons, explosives, induced heart attacks and cancer.

The 79-year-old operative claims he committed the assassinations between March 1974 and August 1985, at a time when he says the CIA “was a law unto itself.” He says he was part of an operative cell of three members which carried out political assassinations across the country and occasionally in foreign countries.

Most of their victims were political activists, journalists, and union leaders, but he also confesses to assassinating a few scientists, medical researchers, artists and musicians whose ideas and influence “represented a threat to the interests of the United States.”

He claims he had no problem with going through with the assassination of Bob Marley, because “I was a patriot, I believed in the CIA, and I didn’t question the motivation of the agency. I’ve always understood that sometimes sacrifices have to be made for the greater good.”

Women who get turned on by hairy men!

Written by Bunmi Sofola
~Vanguard Nigeria. Sunday, February 11, 2018.

WOULD you compare your lover to a gorilla? I don't mean gorilla the brute – I mean gorilla of the male species! There are tonnes of things about a man that can turn a woman on. I've heard of some women who go weak at the knee when they clamp eyes on men in uniforms. For others, it's men's height or muscles or that inconsequential thing like the size of his wallet! As for Jane, not only does she like burly men, she likes them with a lot of hair on! She was in my office for a natter when Raymond sauntered in. He services the office computers from time to time and had just finished when he called in for a chat. Jane's eyes were on stalks when she saw him. So he was tall and all that, but he wasn't really Adonis! The minute I introduced them, she was on like a rocket – chatting a minute to the dozen as if she'd known him all her life. What was the matter with her? A fairly cool single mother of two, here she was carrying on like a teenager in heat!

Within minutes, they'd swapped phone numbers and Raymond left with a smirk! "What was all that about?" I asked Jane, a bit put out by her obvious play for Raymond. "Oh, aunty C, did you get a glimpse of his chest?" Chest? It was a man we were discussing here for goodness sake! "Yes, his chest," she continued excitedly, "his shirt was partially opened and what I saw of his chest was extremely hairy!" So? "I've always been a sucker for hair. I can't think of anything else that excites me more than a hunk who's covered in a thick layer of body hair. It all started when I was at the university and had sex for the first time. My boyfriend then was so hairy that I became transfixed at all that black hair covering his body – it made him look so masculine, powerful and virile!

"Since then, I've always regarded even the hunkiest men as un-sexy. they don't have hairy chests. Their smooth chests simply turn me off! I used to love cuddling up and resting my head on my ex's chest, feeling the wiry hair tickling my cheeks. Let's face it, when you think of it, even when you're madly in love, sex is a really primal, animal act – and being with such a gorilla of a man only made it feel more exciting and erotic. I was madly in love but it all ended two years later when he finished at the university. The long distance between us killed the love as he couldn't afford to travel to see me. I was heart broken for a while but quickly resumed my hunt for a replacement after my heart break eased. I found it a major turn-off if I discovered a guy only had a few measly stray hairs on his chest. It made him seem like a mere boy, not a grown man.

"Over the next few years, I had some wonderful encounters with hairy men until my lust for them had virtually transformed into a fetish. I was a bit worried in case I met Mr. right and he had no hair. Would it work? Would I really find him sexy? But I was in luck and my ex met all my wild expectations. Pity it didn't work out but we were married for close to ten years and I have two lovely kids to show for it. We still remain friends and for a while after the divorce, I still bonked him because of his hair appeal.

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