~Punch Nigeria. Wednesday, December 7, 2016.
In no particular order, this is what some African men say they expect of their wives…
Slim down. Don't let people take you for my mother when, indeed, you are my wife. I love to see you exercise and eat less.
Don't disrespect me. I want to feel respected even with my imperfections. Correct me with respect.
Don't always claim your right. Be quick to say, “I am sorry.”
Don't delay me when we have to go out together. Start getting ready well ahead of time and don’t ever keep me waiting.
I love good food. If you have to attend catering school to make me eat well, please do.
I hate nagging. When you make your request, believe in me to do it in my own time. No amount of nagging can change me.
Don't belittle or gossip about me to anyone. If there are issues that need be to addressed, find a quiet time when we can talk, just the two of us; not necessarily in the middle of the night when you’re most likely going to disturb my sleep.
Don't prioritise anyone over me. Make me your number one - not your pastor, the children, your friends or your family.
Yes, I love sex! Don't withhold it. And don't ever use it as a bargaining chip.
Stop acting like my mother.
Afrisonet: Universally African and Socially Responsible. We are on the path to the total discovery of the people in today's Africa. Repositioning, to have a way, a say and to make a difference! Be Part.
Showing posts with label Marriage. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Marriage. Show all posts
I would love to marry a man who likes sex -Linda Ikeji
Written by Rotimi Agbana
~Vanguard Nigeria. Sunday, November 6, 2016.
Famous Nigerian blogger, Linda Ikeji, needs no introduction because she has already made a name for herself in her chosen choice of trade. The ace blogger who has diligently put in a decade of her lifetime into the now proliferated trade of blogging, recently decided to discuss the things she requires in a man she would love to marry.
According to Linda, any man who would finally claim her heart and eventually take her to the altar must be dexterous and highly skillful at the things of the inner room. When asked if she has been getting proposals from suitors as well as what she requires in a man she would love to marry, she dropped some interesting points. "I'm getting quite a lot of proposals.
You know people say when a woman is successful, men run away, it's a lie, that is when they chase you the more. But unfortunately, I haven't seen what I'm looking for. To be honest, I keep telling people, it's not like men are scarce, it's the type of man some of us are looking for that is scarce, if I want to marry next year I can, but he would not be the kind of man I want.
I want a man that I can look up to, someone that inspires me, someone that would push me, someone that would motivate me, somebody that has had some success in his own career path, then I can look up to him and be like "wow", a man that teaches me and I can learn from. I'm inspired by successful people, someone like Tyler Perry, I can't wait to meet him. I can't marry a poor guy, I'm being honest about it, no I can't, he doesn't have to be very rich but let him be successful in his own way. You may come across some successful men but there is something wrong there, so the whole package is what I'm looking for.
When I was like 30-years old, my standards were very high, extremely high, but I wasn't looking at marrying, I was just focused on work because I've always been so ambitious that I wasn't focusing on marriage or kids. I felt like I should just do what I wanted to do. It was just recently that I began to think about marriage, and to be honest, my requirements are only three now. He must be successful, he must be a good man, in the sense that he must be supportive of me, if he tries to stifle me then I'm out. Lastly, he has to be a man that likes sex and must be very good at it", she stated.
~Vanguard Nigeria. Sunday, November 6, 2016.
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| Linda Ikeji |
According to Linda, any man who would finally claim her heart and eventually take her to the altar must be dexterous and highly skillful at the things of the inner room. When asked if she has been getting proposals from suitors as well as what she requires in a man she would love to marry, she dropped some interesting points. "I'm getting quite a lot of proposals.
You know people say when a woman is successful, men run away, it's a lie, that is when they chase you the more. But unfortunately, I haven't seen what I'm looking for. To be honest, I keep telling people, it's not like men are scarce, it's the type of man some of us are looking for that is scarce, if I want to marry next year I can, but he would not be the kind of man I want.
I want a man that I can look up to, someone that inspires me, someone that would push me, someone that would motivate me, somebody that has had some success in his own career path, then I can look up to him and be like "wow", a man that teaches me and I can learn from. I'm inspired by successful people, someone like Tyler Perry, I can't wait to meet him. I can't marry a poor guy, I'm being honest about it, no I can't, he doesn't have to be very rich but let him be successful in his own way. You may come across some successful men but there is something wrong there, so the whole package is what I'm looking for.
When I was like 30-years old, my standards were very high, extremely high, but I wasn't looking at marrying, I was just focused on work because I've always been so ambitious that I wasn't focusing on marriage or kids. I felt like I should just do what I wanted to do. It was just recently that I began to think about marriage, and to be honest, my requirements are only three now. He must be successful, he must be a good man, in the sense that he must be supportive of me, if he tries to stifle me then I'm out. Lastly, he has to be a man that likes sex and must be very good at it", she stated.
Who is a husband?
Written by Lady Helen Noyo Owie
Lady Helen Noyo Owie, LSJI, JP is daughter of Mary USA.
~Vanguard Nigeria. Thursday, October 27, 2016.
I HAVE chosen to speak on the topic "WHO IS A HUSBAND". The scripture tells us in Ephesians 5 vs 28,33 that husbands should love their wives just as Christ loved the church and gave His life for it. A husband is a male in a marital relationship, the rights and obligation of a husband regarding his spouse, others and his status in the community and in-laws vary between cultures and have varied overtime. Husband is the head of a legally married union to a woman, be it in the church, that is holy matrimony, or in the Registry – Court marriage or just the native law and custom.
The man, therefore, should see his wife as a help-mate- Gen. 2 vs 18. And the Lord said it is not good for a man to be alone. God made for man a suitable companion to help him. Gen. 2 vs 21 – man therefore should love his wife just as he loves his body- Malachi 2 vs 14, Gen. 2 vs 24. Husbands should be faithful to their wives. Marriage is an institution ordained by God. Gen. 2 vs 24.
For this reason the man will leave his father and mother and be united with his wife and they shall become one. Therefore, husbands should see their wives as help mates, sister and dependable ally, as the bone of his bone and flesh of his flesh- Gen. 2 vs 23-25. Husbands, therefore, should realise that the wife is created by God for him- Gen. 2 vs 21. The husband should therefore be conscious of the fact that his destiny is tied to that of his wife. As a husband you are the head of the home.
You must try to build a good home in the face of the moral and societal ills of our society. And give a good leadership role to your family. You will agree with me that not all husbands are husbands, some are fathers, some big boys, some adults, some men. The real husband the Bible tells us in Gen. 2 vs 24. Ephesian 5 vs 25-28, 33 Husbands love your wives just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself for it. Let me delve briefly into the role of a father. John 10 vs 11
- a. Father is a shepherd:
”FOR THE MARRIED WOMEN AND THOSE INTENDING TO GET MARRIED, LISTEN AND TAKE HEED!!
Excerpts from Pastor Chris’ Teaching!
~Christ Embassy.Org Online Missions
Husband does not mean the male partner in a marriage, husband means master. The reason for most problems in Christian marriages is the fact that women refute God’s definition of marriage and form theirs.
They believe they are equal partners. If most women had their fathers bold enough to talk to them, they will be very successful in their marriage and they will be very happy people. Most women have never been taught by their parents, their fathers particularly and that’s their biggest problem because they don’t know who a man is, they think he is another woman.
In marriage, you have the man who is the head of that union and because he’s the head of that union, its important to understand him. You think he’s the one that needs to understand his wife and that is where you are wrong.
He will eventually but you have to know the type of man you are married to and his needs.When you say you are marrying a man, you are coming under his authority.
The Bible says, the man is the head of the woman (1 Corinthians 11:3) so when you marry him you come under his authority, you are not authority sharers even though you are both heirs to the kingdom of God.When you decide not to subject yourself to that authority, you are a rebel and God is not going to accept what you are doing because you are not functioning correctly.
Why did God make the woman? Making woman was not God’s original plan because after God created Adam and before He made Eve, He said in Genesis 1:31 “Then God looked over all he had made, and he saw that it was very good”.
God made woman because of man so woman was not His original idea. This is reality.Genesis 2:18a “And the Lord God said “for it is not good for a man to be alone..” The Bible didn’t say “lonely” but “alone”.
There is a big difference. Man wasn’t lonely but alone. Genesis 2:18b “…I will make him an help meet”. He didn’t say a partner or a supervisor or a special advisor or someone to tell him what to do.
I will make him someone to help him. God gave man a responsibility so woman was made to help man achieve that responsibility. If this is understood in every home then you won’t have problems.
~Christ Embassy.Org Online Missions
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| Pastor Chris Oyakhilome |
They believe they are equal partners. If most women had their fathers bold enough to talk to them, they will be very successful in their marriage and they will be very happy people. Most women have never been taught by their parents, their fathers particularly and that’s their biggest problem because they don’t know who a man is, they think he is another woman.
In marriage, you have the man who is the head of that union and because he’s the head of that union, its important to understand him. You think he’s the one that needs to understand his wife and that is where you are wrong.
He will eventually but you have to know the type of man you are married to and his needs.When you say you are marrying a man, you are coming under his authority.
The Bible says, the man is the head of the woman (1 Corinthians 11:3) so when you marry him you come under his authority, you are not authority sharers even though you are both heirs to the kingdom of God.When you decide not to subject yourself to that authority, you are a rebel and God is not going to accept what you are doing because you are not functioning correctly.
Why did God make the woman? Making woman was not God’s original plan because after God created Adam and before He made Eve, He said in Genesis 1:31 “Then God looked over all he had made, and he saw that it was very good”.
God made woman because of man so woman was not His original idea. This is reality.Genesis 2:18a “And the Lord God said “for it is not good for a man to be alone..” The Bible didn’t say “lonely” but “alone”.
There is a big difference. Man wasn’t lonely but alone. Genesis 2:18b “…I will make him an help meet”. He didn’t say a partner or a supervisor or a special advisor or someone to tell him what to do.
I will make him someone to help him. God gave man a responsibility so woman was made to help man achieve that responsibility. If this is understood in every home then you won’t have problems.
Marriage: Marriage is not for Everyone
Topics:
Marriage is not for Everyone
Five steps to save your marriage
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Marriage is not for Everyone
Written by Ogaga Otaotu
Marriage is not for Everyone
Five steps to save your marriage
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Marriage is not for Everyone
Written by Ogaga Otaotu
~Vanguard Nigeria. Sunday, September 18, 2016.
The Mature Single Woman(MSW) is an unmarried single lady who is of the age 30 and above. Today's Woman spoke to some beautiful ladies during the week and they shared their day to day experiences in the office, public places, at home and at events. Some said they had to deal with all sorts challenges from: neighbors, male colleagues and relatives. The question is "Is it a crime to be a mature single lady?"
Forty-year-old Abike, a banker, said just recently, there arose the issue of attendance in her office. Her male colleague claimed he arrived the office before her but was trying to tidy up some things in the car before she signed in.
An argument ensued and before you could say hey! the young man blurted "Oh ...you think you can talk to me like that? I don't blame you... that is why you can never be married".
As far as Abike is concerned, you get to hear that line regularly as a mature single lady. It can either be told to your face or behind you. She has however learnt to laugh it off.
Nnena, 36year old business woman, recounted a bitter experience she had some months ago. She got to her business place in high spirit and was busy tending to her goods when her neighbor came in to remind her of the outstanding electricity bill.
She had not paid because she was away the previous week. What started as a mild disagreement led to a heated argument and the neighbor dropped the usual line "that's why you are not married, because of your bad attitude". Nnenna wept sore, locked up her store and went home.
Caught red-handed by her mother!
Written by Candida
~Vanguard Nigeria. Sunday, August 14, 2016.
Some few months back, at one of these private A-list parties, Dora was having the time of her life. So were a few of us that shared a table.
We were all social friends and the banter was smutty but harmless, until Greg walked in. An obvious hunk, he was way beyond our reach because of his young age – barely 35. He obviously knew Dora as he stopped for a chat, his after-shave almost fouling the air. You know these seemingly cock-sure men, just before making an entrance at any function, they top up on their aftershave, ignoring the less-is-more doctrine.
As he exchanged banter with Dora, his eyes were firmly fixed on her cleavage. In fairness to the poor bloke, the top Dora had on left very little to the imagination. They exchanged phone numbers. What for; I thought fleetingly? Later Dora let it slip that Greg was the older sibling of her daughter's boyfriend. Safe enough, I thought. But how safe sort of burst into the open some four months later. Greg had apparently found his way into Dora's pants. None of their escapades would have been noticed if Tade, Dora's husband, hadn't chucked her out.
"It's Gloria's fault", she fumed as I let her in when she begged to be put up for the night. "And she's going to pay, mark my word," then she burst into heart wrenching tears. What happened?
"Tade found out about Greg and I from Gloria," she spat.
It took a few seconds for me to figure out who Greg was. "You slept with Greg?"
I asked, appalled.
"I couldn't resist him", she confessed. "He pursued me endlessly, said flattering things to me. You know Fade's libido had been down for a while and it was quite flattering when Greg sent me steamy texts of all the things he would love to do to me if he had half a chance. I texted him back. What started as harmless bantering took a wild turn the day I agreed to see him at his flat. I'd hardly touched my drink when he pounced. He was also muscular – a far cry from Tade's sinewy, middle-aged body. I wanted him – all that young, hard rippled sexiness. And he was well worth the risk of my marriage as we made wild passionate love.
~Vanguard Nigeria. Sunday, August 14, 2016.
Some few months back, at one of these private A-list parties, Dora was having the time of her life. So were a few of us that shared a table.
We were all social friends and the banter was smutty but harmless, until Greg walked in. An obvious hunk, he was way beyond our reach because of his young age – barely 35. He obviously knew Dora as he stopped for a chat, his after-shave almost fouling the air. You know these seemingly cock-sure men, just before making an entrance at any function, they top up on their aftershave, ignoring the less-is-more doctrine.
As he exchanged banter with Dora, his eyes were firmly fixed on her cleavage. In fairness to the poor bloke, the top Dora had on left very little to the imagination. They exchanged phone numbers. What for; I thought fleetingly? Later Dora let it slip that Greg was the older sibling of her daughter's boyfriend. Safe enough, I thought. But how safe sort of burst into the open some four months later. Greg had apparently found his way into Dora's pants. None of their escapades would have been noticed if Tade, Dora's husband, hadn't chucked her out.
"It's Gloria's fault", she fumed as I let her in when she begged to be put up for the night. "And she's going to pay, mark my word," then she burst into heart wrenching tears. What happened?
"Tade found out about Greg and I from Gloria," she spat.
It took a few seconds for me to figure out who Greg was. "You slept with Greg?"
I asked, appalled.
"I couldn't resist him", she confessed. "He pursued me endlessly, said flattering things to me. You know Fade's libido had been down for a while and it was quite flattering when Greg sent me steamy texts of all the things he would love to do to me if he had half a chance. I texted him back. What started as harmless bantering took a wild turn the day I agreed to see him at his flat. I'd hardly touched my drink when he pounced. He was also muscular – a far cry from Tade's sinewy, middle-aged body. I wanted him – all that young, hard rippled sexiness. And he was well worth the risk of my marriage as we made wild passionate love.
My advice to married couples after divorcing my wife of 16 years
~The SUN Nigeria. Sunday, August 7, 2016.
It is not every day you get to hear a man, especially in these parts, admitting that making a marriage work is not just the wife's job. When a marriage breaks up here, the woman gets all the blame or at best, the bulk of it. It is either she has gone fat or can no longer satisfy her husband in bed or her career has taken over her family life. Maybe she now dresses shabbily or suddenly her educational qualification is below her husband's new status but today, a man, black though not Nigerian, offers a candid insight into all those things men take for granted in marriage, and perhaps why marriages are collapsing faster than they are being contracted. Here we go…
Obviously, I'm not a relationship expert. But there's something about my divorce being finalized this week that gives me a perspective of things I wish I would have done different... After losing a woman that I loved, and a marriage of almost 16 years, here's the advice I wish I would have had
1. Never stop courting. Never stop dating. NEVER EVER take that woman for granted. When you asked her to marry you, you promised to be that man that would OWN HER HEART and to fiercely protect it. This is the most important and sacred treasure you will ever be entrusted with. SHE CHOSE YOU. Never forget that, and NEVER GET LAZY in your love.
2. Protect your own heart. Just as you committed to being the protector of her heart, you must guard your own with the same vigilance. Love yourself fully, love the world openly, but there is a special place in your heart where no one must enter except for your wife. Keep that space always ready to receive her and invite her in, and refuse to let anyone or anything else enter there.
3. Fall in love over and over again. You will constantly change. You're not the same people you were when you got married, and in five years you will not be the same person you are today. Change will come, and in that you have to re-choose each other every day. SHE DOESN'T HAVE TO STAY WITH YOU, and if you don't take care of her heart, she may give that heart to someone else or seal you out completely, and you may never be able to get it back. Always fight to win her love just as you did when you were courting her.
It is not every day you get to hear a man, especially in these parts, admitting that making a marriage work is not just the wife's job. When a marriage breaks up here, the woman gets all the blame or at best, the bulk of it. It is either she has gone fat or can no longer satisfy her husband in bed or her career has taken over her family life. Maybe she now dresses shabbily or suddenly her educational qualification is below her husband's new status but today, a man, black though not Nigerian, offers a candid insight into all those things men take for granted in marriage, and perhaps why marriages are collapsing faster than they are being contracted. Here we go…Obviously, I'm not a relationship expert. But there's something about my divorce being finalized this week that gives me a perspective of things I wish I would have done different... After losing a woman that I loved, and a marriage of almost 16 years, here's the advice I wish I would have had
1. Never stop courting. Never stop dating. NEVER EVER take that woman for granted. When you asked her to marry you, you promised to be that man that would OWN HER HEART and to fiercely protect it. This is the most important and sacred treasure you will ever be entrusted with. SHE CHOSE YOU. Never forget that, and NEVER GET LAZY in your love.
2. Protect your own heart. Just as you committed to being the protector of her heart, you must guard your own with the same vigilance. Love yourself fully, love the world openly, but there is a special place in your heart where no one must enter except for your wife. Keep that space always ready to receive her and invite her in, and refuse to let anyone or anything else enter there.
3. Fall in love over and over again. You will constantly change. You're not the same people you were when you got married, and in five years you will not be the same person you are today. Change will come, and in that you have to re-choose each other every day. SHE DOESN'T HAVE TO STAY WITH YOU, and if you don't take care of her heart, she may give that heart to someone else or seal you out completely, and you may never be able to get it back. Always fight to win her love just as you did when you were courting her.
Why men don’t forgive their cheating partners
Written by Tunde Ajaja
~Punch Nigeria. Sunday, July 17, 2016
In her lone moments, Kolawole Busola, 38, (not real name) would certainly wish she could undo the string of events that led her into the waiting arms of Daniels, a colleague at work.
Married to a businessman, Babatope, 43, who never spent a full week in the house without travelling, and one who never bothered to create the romantic atmosphere for their love and intimacy to grow, Busola still has herself to blame for what she has got herself into.
Her undoing was sharing her worries about her home with a male colleague who offered his advice, counsel and even gave her a shoulder to lean on. They became close and started going out together. She did it so well that her husband never suspected anything.
Not long after, their friendship became platonic (intimate and affectionate but not sexual) and few months after, they ended up in bed, having sexual relationship. They did that more than once, and being something she had missed from her husband, it became a routine to the extent that her husband suspected and started monitoring her, discreetly.
Eventually, Babatope found out that his wife had been cheating on him the day he picked his wife's phone to read her text messages. According to him, that was the end. Not even pleas and admonitions by family members and friends could convince him to shelve his plan to file for divorce.
~Punch Nigeria. Sunday, July 17, 2016
In her lone moments, Kolawole Busola, 38, (not real name) would certainly wish she could undo the string of events that led her into the waiting arms of Daniels, a colleague at work.Married to a businessman, Babatope, 43, who never spent a full week in the house without travelling, and one who never bothered to create the romantic atmosphere for their love and intimacy to grow, Busola still has herself to blame for what she has got herself into.
Her undoing was sharing her worries about her home with a male colleague who offered his advice, counsel and even gave her a shoulder to lean on. They became close and started going out together. She did it so well that her husband never suspected anything.
Not long after, their friendship became platonic (intimate and affectionate but not sexual) and few months after, they ended up in bed, having sexual relationship. They did that more than once, and being something she had missed from her husband, it became a routine to the extent that her husband suspected and started monitoring her, discreetly.
Eventually, Babatope found out that his wife had been cheating on him the day he picked his wife's phone to read her text messages. According to him, that was the end. Not even pleas and admonitions by family members and friends could convince him to shelve his plan to file for divorce.
Strange things Nigerians do in the name of marriage
Written by Eric Dumo
The SUN. Sunday, July 10, 2016.
Sixty-two-year-old Adejoke Olawepo, a petty trader, almost died of shock as screams and claps went all around her. Commuting all the way from Oyingbo to Sango, Ogun State to see her daughter last Tuesday, she couldn't understand why the train she was travelling in suddenly refused to move again after dropping off some passengers at Agege, a densely populated suburb within the Lagos metropolis. The subtle screams and claps from people inside the train who could see outside, aroused her curiosity. Leaning over a seat to peep through the window beside her, the sexagenarian could not believe the sight before her.
 The military-styled lovers |
"I was afraid; I thought the train had crushed somebody," the elderly woman said during a conversation with our correspondent. "But when I peeped through the window, I saw that it was a young man kneeling and making gestures to a lady in front of him as if he was proposing to her. They were right on the rail track, just a few yards away from where the train stopped. I have never seen anything like that in my life," she said.
Lewis Omike and Ebi Boleigha, the pair Olawepo came across, chose the Agege end of the rail line as part of a series of photo sessions to usher in their wedding later this month. Apart from the shot that has since gone viral, the soon-to-be-married lovers also took amazing photographs on the Lekki Bridge and other remarkable sites across Lagos.
Omike and Boleigha share a special moment on the rail track
In a chat with our correspondent earlier in the week, Omike, the groom, said they decided to embark on such unusual act to spice up their love affair and also be in tune with modern trends.
The nanny was a better option than his wife!
Written by Bunmi Sofola
~Vanguard, Nigeria. Sunday, July 10, 2016
Only, it is a heartbreaking reality for some wives. What does it feel like to be betrayed by the man you married with a woman living under your own roof? And what kind of man behaves in such a despicable way? Here, in a startling and brave account Roger, a lawyer in his mid-forties shares his reason for not only going after the maid, but getting married to her …
"Muji is not your run-of-the-mill maid," he says. "I know people will assume that I've had some sort of mid-life crisis in my mid-forties. But my feelings for Muji are anything but frivolous – and I didn't do it lightly. My marriage to Rita, my wife of 18 years was breaking down, and falling in love with Muji just speeded things up. We got married in England and had three young children when Muji was sent to us as a possible help. She already had her OND and the plan was that she would make enough money within say three years to help her further her studies.
"I don't feel guilty about what happened because I didn't go out looking for love. And it certainly hasn't been easy. I've constantly worried about everything and the impact it will have – not just on the children, but also Fikayo my wife, and Muji. The person I was least worried about was me. Everyone tells my wife and me that they are amazed at how calmly we are dealing with the situation. She has been extraordinarily generous in her understanding and I know she could have reacted so I could be punished for what I'd done.
Domestic violence: Why abused men don't talk
Written by Josfyn Uba, Christine Onwuachumba And Bianca Iboma
~The SUN, Nigeria. Thursday, July 7, 2016
There was news about a man whose wife allegedly hacked to death in Ikotun, a suburb of Lagos, for speaking up against her affairs with a younger lover. Mr. Efua Omoghoti, 63, was said to have lost his first wife after 23 years of marriage. She had three boys and a girl for him. He re-married to Maggie, a younger lady. Unfortunately, their union had been saddled with issues of domestic violence and abuse. Residents confirmed that he had been enduring an abusive marriage where he was serially assaulted and emotionally battered by his younger wife until the last quarrel where Maggie hacked him to death in the night. She would insult him publicly at his shop, calling him names and telling him that she only did him a favour by marrying him at an old age. Many times, she had starved him of food and seized his mobile phones, especially when she couldn't get enough money from him. When matters came to a boiling point, the man threatened to divorce her but she vowed not to leave the house. The long arm of the law caught up with Maggie, the embattled mother of two, as the Lagos State Police Command apprehended her.
In another breath, Uwie, a sleepy community in Delta State, once woke up to the shocking news of the death of a 51-year-old lecturer, Mr. Henry Ebenuwa. He was said to have committed suicide because he could not face the public disgrace of his wife's confession to infidelity with his close friends and relatives. The deceased, a father of four, was said to have been subjected to emotional trauma, physical abuse and harassments from his wife, Omiyowa, for the better part of their marriage of a decade and a half years. Fighting and verbal assault were said to have been a trademark of the troubled marriage in their early days. Things got worse when the husband was hit by stroke, which left him incapacitated. From then, he was said to complain about his wife's disloyalty and infidelity. The community was awash with stories of his wife's constant nagging and even starving him of food. When he could not face the shame and humiliation of her public escapades any more, he allegedly ended it all.
These incidents are just some of the many cases of domestic violence that has gradually become regular occurrence in the country. Every week, at least, a domestic abuse case hits the print and electronic media. It is either a husband butchers or chops off his wife's head or wife stabs husband to death, or a 68-year-old man rapes a 12-year-old pupil. It is an endless tale of horrifying news stories and it doesn't seem as if there is an end in sight to some of these bizarre headlines.
~The SUN, Nigeria. Thursday, July 7, 2016
There was news about a man whose wife allegedly hacked to death in Ikotun, a suburb of Lagos, for speaking up against her affairs with a younger lover. Mr. Efua Omoghoti, 63, was said to have lost his first wife after 23 years of marriage. She had three boys and a girl for him. He re-married to Maggie, a younger lady. Unfortunately, their union had been saddled with issues of domestic violence and abuse. Residents confirmed that he had been enduring an abusive marriage where he was serially assaulted and emotionally battered by his younger wife until the last quarrel where Maggie hacked him to death in the night. She would insult him publicly at his shop, calling him names and telling him that she only did him a favour by marrying him at an old age. Many times, she had starved him of food and seized his mobile phones, especially when she couldn't get enough money from him. When matters came to a boiling point, the man threatened to divorce her but she vowed not to leave the house. The long arm of the law caught up with Maggie, the embattled mother of two, as the Lagos State Police Command apprehended her.In another breath, Uwie, a sleepy community in Delta State, once woke up to the shocking news of the death of a 51-year-old lecturer, Mr. Henry Ebenuwa. He was said to have committed suicide because he could not face the public disgrace of his wife's confession to infidelity with his close friends and relatives. The deceased, a father of four, was said to have been subjected to emotional trauma, physical abuse and harassments from his wife, Omiyowa, for the better part of their marriage of a decade and a half years. Fighting and verbal assault were said to have been a trademark of the troubled marriage in their early days. Things got worse when the husband was hit by stroke, which left him incapacitated. From then, he was said to complain about his wife's disloyalty and infidelity. The community was awash with stories of his wife's constant nagging and even starving him of food. When he could not face the shame and humiliation of her public escapades any more, he allegedly ended it all.
These incidents are just some of the many cases of domestic violence that has gradually become regular occurrence in the country. Every week, at least, a domestic abuse case hits the print and electronic media. It is either a husband butchers or chops off his wife's head or wife stabs husband to death, or a 68-year-old man rapes a 12-year-old pupil. It is an endless tale of horrifying news stories and it doesn't seem as if there is an end in sight to some of these bizarre headlines.
The Pope’s comments about modern marriage have raised eyebrows – but he has a point
Written by by Fr Alexander Lucie-Smith
Web: http://catholicsay.com. June 17, 2016
The Pope’s recent comments on marriage, which have raised a few eyebrows, do at least contain one statement with which I wholeheartedly agree. It is this: “Marriage is the most difficult area of pastoral work."
As for the rest of what the Pope has said, most of this raises a “Yes, but…" response from me.
But one thing has to be underlined: our marriage preparation is not doing its job. There are lots of people who are entering marriage ill-prepared for it and with little understanding of the sacrament.
I myself have known engaged couples who simply should not have got married. I was not, needless to say, presiding at their weddings. If I had been it would have been the cause of a considerable crisis of conscience on my part.
But even if I had been charged with “marrying" them, it would have been next to impossible to have intervened and stopped the wedding. Couples determined to marry may have little self-knowledge; one party may be self-deluded and the other party deluded; but the only way out of those delusions may be the school of bitter experience.
So how do we prepare people for marriage? Here are a few thoughts.
By the time the engaged couple present themselves, saying they want to get married in Church, it is already too late to start preparation. Preparation for marriage needs to start before the couple have met; it needs to start in childhood, or even, to be on the safe side, at birth. After all, whom you marry is the most important decision you will ever make.
Web: http://catholicsay.com. June 17, 2016
The Pope’s recent comments on marriage, which have raised a few eyebrows, do at least contain one statement with which I wholeheartedly agree. It is this: “Marriage is the most difficult area of pastoral work."
As for the rest of what the Pope has said, most of this raises a “Yes, but…" response from me.
But one thing has to be underlined: our marriage preparation is not doing its job. There are lots of people who are entering marriage ill-prepared for it and with little understanding of the sacrament.
I myself have known engaged couples who simply should not have got married. I was not, needless to say, presiding at their weddings. If I had been it would have been the cause of a considerable crisis of conscience on my part.
But even if I had been charged with “marrying" them, it would have been next to impossible to have intervened and stopped the wedding. Couples determined to marry may have little self-knowledge; one party may be self-deluded and the other party deluded; but the only way out of those delusions may be the school of bitter experience.
So how do we prepare people for marriage? Here are a few thoughts.
By the time the engaged couple present themselves, saying they want to get married in Church, it is already too late to start preparation. Preparation for marriage needs to start before the couple have met; it needs to start in childhood, or even, to be on the safe side, at birth. After all, whom you marry is the most important decision you will ever make.
Infertility and the futility of blame game
Written by ONYINYE ECHENDU
Echendu is a fertility physician with The Bridge Clinic, Lagos.
~The SUN, Nigeria. Monday, June 20, 2016
PRECIOUS and her husband, Michael, have been married for eight years but have no children. Their marital journey, which started on a fairy note while they were in the university culminated in a grandiose wedding ceremony that was well attended by members of both families as well as friends and well-wishers from far and wide. The highpoint of the ceremony was the arrival of Michael's mother from the United States, where she was nursing one of her daughters' newly born baby, to attend the wedding in Lagos.
A few years into the marriage, Michael's sisters started murmuring their concerns over the inability of Precious to have a child. Initially, Precious kept these concerns to herself but after a while, she complained to her husband who reassured her and took it up with his sisters and mother. At the time, Precious mother in-law warned her daughters to let the poor woman be as she was confident Precious would bear many grandchildren for her.
On the eve of their sixth wedding anniversary, Precious was invited by her mother in-law. Unsure of the reasons for the invitation, Precious told her husband of the invitation and they both wondered what the invitation was all about. To her greatest surprise, Michael's mother told Precious that her inability to bear children for her son has got to a stage that the family wants an explanation. She further informed her that their involvement was necessitated by the sheer cowardice of their son, Michael, who could not ask her some critical questions. The woman told her pointedly that they are very fruitful in their family and asked her if barrenness was in their home. Michael's mother asked her how many abortions she carried out before she met her son etc. She was very surprised her husband did not utter a word and cried throughout the meeting.
When they got home that evening, she called her husband to ask why he would let his family humiliate her in that manner, and what made them think their inability to bear children was her fault. Michael got angry and, for the first time in their relationship, slapped her for linking him to her inability to conceive. Ignited by this incident, Precious gathered herself and went to the doctor to ascertain who is to blame for their infertility.
Echendu is a fertility physician with The Bridge Clinic, Lagos.
~The SUN, Nigeria. Monday, June 20, 2016
PRECIOUS and her husband, Michael, have been married for eight years but have no children. Their marital journey, which started on a fairy note while they were in the university culminated in a grandiose wedding ceremony that was well attended by members of both families as well as friends and well-wishers from far and wide. The highpoint of the ceremony was the arrival of Michael's mother from the United States, where she was nursing one of her daughters' newly born baby, to attend the wedding in Lagos.
A few years into the marriage, Michael's sisters started murmuring their concerns over the inability of Precious to have a child. Initially, Precious kept these concerns to herself but after a while, she complained to her husband who reassured her and took it up with his sisters and mother. At the time, Precious mother in-law warned her daughters to let the poor woman be as she was confident Precious would bear many grandchildren for her.
On the eve of their sixth wedding anniversary, Precious was invited by her mother in-law. Unsure of the reasons for the invitation, Precious told her husband of the invitation and they both wondered what the invitation was all about. To her greatest surprise, Michael's mother told Precious that her inability to bear children for her son has got to a stage that the family wants an explanation. She further informed her that their involvement was necessitated by the sheer cowardice of their son, Michael, who could not ask her some critical questions. The woman told her pointedly that they are very fruitful in their family and asked her if barrenness was in their home. Michael's mother asked her how many abortions she carried out before she met her son etc. She was very surprised her husband did not utter a word and cried throughout the meeting.
When they got home that evening, she called her husband to ask why he would let his family humiliate her in that manner, and what made them think their inability to bear children was her fault. Michael got angry and, for the first time in their relationship, slapped her for linking him to her inability to conceive. Ignited by this incident, Precious gathered herself and went to the doctor to ascertain who is to blame for their infertility.
How to know when you are ovulating for easier conception
Written by Bridget Osho
Web: www.cheriemamma.org
Email: babies@cheriemamma.org.
~Vanguard, Nigeria. Tuesday, May 31, 2016
Natural Fertility:
SO today, I am going to be answering one very frequently asked question that people always ask me. It’s when to know you are ovulating by counting the numbers of days. So people asked me questions like 'my period started on the 10th of this month, when am I likely to ovulate?'My answer to that is, I don’t believe in counting the days when you ovulate because even if your cycle is regular, you do not necessarily ovulate on the same day of your cycle.
If you have a 28 days cycle, you might not always ovulate on the 14th or 13th, so that’s not the right way to know if you are ovulating. So many people think they aren’t ovulating because when they count and do the test using the ovulation predictor test kit and the results are negative, so they simply assume that they aren’t ovulating.
Are you ovulating?
The best way to know if or when you are ovulating is to chart your cycle everyday. So by this I mean you get a digital thermometer and you check your temperature first thing in the morning before you get up from bed. What you are trying to find out is your body’s average temperature without any activity, because when you ovulate, you release an egg and your progesterone levels increase.
Your body temperature
Progesterone will always increase your body temperature, so if you have been charting your cycle everyday and making note of the numbers you get, you will find out that there are certain days your temperature will be higher.The first day that your temperature is higher means you have ovulated the previous day. So if you are somebody who have been charting her cycle regularly, you will be able to find the pattern that works for you.
So you might find out that you do ovulate on the 11th or for example ovulate between the 13th and the 15th day of your cycle. Counting the days is not always accurate for most people and it causes a lot of headache and fear and panic that they aren’t ovulating.But once you chart your cycle everyday, you will find the results more accurate.Have you tried charting your temperature before? What was your experience?
Web: www.cheriemamma.org
Email: babies@cheriemamma.org.
~Vanguard, Nigeria. Tuesday, May 31, 2016
Natural Fertility:
SO today, I am going to be answering one very frequently asked question that people always ask me. It’s when to know you are ovulating by counting the numbers of days. So people asked me questions like 'my period started on the 10th of this month, when am I likely to ovulate?'My answer to that is, I don’t believe in counting the days when you ovulate because even if your cycle is regular, you do not necessarily ovulate on the same day of your cycle.
If you have a 28 days cycle, you might not always ovulate on the 14th or 13th, so that’s not the right way to know if you are ovulating. So many people think they aren’t ovulating because when they count and do the test using the ovulation predictor test kit and the results are negative, so they simply assume that they aren’t ovulating.
Are you ovulating?
The best way to know if or when you are ovulating is to chart your cycle everyday. So by this I mean you get a digital thermometer and you check your temperature first thing in the morning before you get up from bed. What you are trying to find out is your body’s average temperature without any activity, because when you ovulate, you release an egg and your progesterone levels increase.
Your body temperature
Progesterone will always increase your body temperature, so if you have been charting your cycle everyday and making note of the numbers you get, you will find out that there are certain days your temperature will be higher.The first day that your temperature is higher means you have ovulated the previous day. So if you are somebody who have been charting her cycle regularly, you will be able to find the pattern that works for you.
So you might find out that you do ovulate on the 11th or for example ovulate between the 13th and the 15th day of your cycle. Counting the days is not always accurate for most people and it causes a lot of headache and fear and panic that they aren’t ovulating.But once you chart your cycle everyday, you will find the results more accurate.Have you tried charting your temperature before? What was your experience?
I enjoy sex with my husband’s brother
Written by Bunmi Sofola
~Vanguard, Nigeria. Sunday, May 22, 2016.
Blood is thicker than water, right? This belief was put to the test when Judith met her husband's elder brother for the first time. She'd been married to Bernard for seven years when Kingsley returned to the country after years of studying and working abroad. "Kingsley is a couple of years older than Ben and it was obvious they were very close when he finally called at the house," explained Judith. "They spent time together watching football or going to the clubs – making up for lost time.
"The brothers, in spite of their closeness, were very different. Ben, my husband is the aggressive type whilst Kingsley was what you would call a real man – strong and able to handle himself with no aggression whatsoever – no hint of the bully his brother was. It was Ben who helped him clinch a deal on an empty flat in our neighbourhood and as soon as he moved in, he visited more . frequently. It was thanks to him that I started taking more interest in how I looked as he was always liberal with his compliments. He made an effort to look well too, splashing on exotic after-shaves and wearing sexy clothes. The admiring look in his eyes whenever I let him in made my efforts worthwhile. It was obvious that a sexual tension was simmering between us even though I tried to smother the feelings.
"One evening, I was relaxing at home when Kingsley called unexpectedly. "Ben is not here," I told him as I let him in. "He's at his office's send-off do for a member of staff." "I know," he replied quietly, "he told me when I called him." I felt this crazy excitement as I looked up at him. 'It's you I've come to see,' he continued, 'I need to know if you've realised what you're doing to me ...' I didn't know what to say. But he took me in his arms and all the pent-up emotions of the past month erupted. As we made furious love on the sofa, he confessed he was in love with me. I couldn't help telling him there was no future for us as Ben would kill us both if he found out. My kids would be heartbroken, devastated and confused if we were to end up with their uncle.
"Unfortunately, no amount of sensible thoughts could erase the love (lust more like) that had grown between us. In the months that follows, we contrived any excuse to be together. Ben couldn't care less that Kingsley and I went shopping together or picked up the takeaway for our weekend treats. And because I worked shifts, it was easy to slip round to Kingsley's flat, enjoy a couple of blissful hours in his flat.
"Ben was so complacent it would never have occurred to him that his brother and his wife were both betraying him in the worst possible way. The fact that I took more interest in my clothes and make-up didn't bother him.
~Vanguard, Nigeria. Sunday, May 22, 2016.
Blood is thicker than water, right? This belief was put to the test when Judith met her husband's elder brother for the first time. She'd been married to Bernard for seven years when Kingsley returned to the country after years of studying and working abroad. "Kingsley is a couple of years older than Ben and it was obvious they were very close when he finally called at the house," explained Judith. "They spent time together watching football or going to the clubs – making up for lost time.
"The brothers, in spite of their closeness, were very different. Ben, my husband is the aggressive type whilst Kingsley was what you would call a real man – strong and able to handle himself with no aggression whatsoever – no hint of the bully his brother was. It was Ben who helped him clinch a deal on an empty flat in our neighbourhood and as soon as he moved in, he visited more . frequently. It was thanks to him that I started taking more interest in how I looked as he was always liberal with his compliments. He made an effort to look well too, splashing on exotic after-shaves and wearing sexy clothes. The admiring look in his eyes whenever I let him in made my efforts worthwhile. It was obvious that a sexual tension was simmering between us even though I tried to smother the feelings.
"One evening, I was relaxing at home when Kingsley called unexpectedly. "Ben is not here," I told him as I let him in. "He's at his office's send-off do for a member of staff." "I know," he replied quietly, "he told me when I called him." I felt this crazy excitement as I looked up at him. 'It's you I've come to see,' he continued, 'I need to know if you've realised what you're doing to me ...' I didn't know what to say. But he took me in his arms and all the pent-up emotions of the past month erupted. As we made furious love on the sofa, he confessed he was in love with me. I couldn't help telling him there was no future for us as Ben would kill us both if he found out. My kids would be heartbroken, devastated and confused if we were to end up with their uncle.
"Unfortunately, no amount of sensible thoughts could erase the love (lust more like) that had grown between us. In the months that follows, we contrived any excuse to be together. Ben couldn't care less that Kingsley and I went shopping together or picked up the takeaway for our weekend treats. And because I worked shifts, it was easy to slip round to Kingsley's flat, enjoy a couple of blissful hours in his flat.
"Ben was so complacent it would never have occurred to him that his brother and his wife were both betraying him in the worst possible way. The fact that I took more interest in my clothes and make-up didn't bother him.
Marriage is not for everybody…
Written by Chukwuneta Oby
~Punch, Nigeria. Sunday, May 22, 2016
Considering the rate at which marriages are falling like a pack of badly stacked cards…would it not be appropriate for us to ditch our 'holier than thou' slogan of 'divorce is a sin' and pick up a more realistic one like 'marriage is not for everybody?'
The nature of marital issues that I have come across(over the years) has further convinced me that some people are naturally not cut out for marriage or any form of co-habitation that will task everything (patience, tolerance, understanding, sharing, moderation, consideration, etc) in them…this set of people seem to waltz into marriages without an iota of what's involved…in fact, they start feeling stifled or miserable the moment certain 'marital demands'(less time out there- more time at home, being answerable to someone-in a way, realising that you just can't wake up and do as you like-without checking(first) with your partner, often inconveniencing yourself to bring a smile to another's face , etc)-are brought on them.
The wise ones (who seem to understand themselves) have long realised this and followed their path, some others seem to have realised that but would rather pander to the dictates of a society that shoves it in everyone's face to 'get married' or risk being seen as a 'social reject'…is it such a difficult task to understand that some people are simply not cut out for certain life paths? I mean, it is not in their DNA-and frankly-it does not make them bad-in any way…it simply means that anything contrary to their personality will end up making them miserable -that includes marriage, especially when they can't pretend to be enjoying what's actually choking them!
Now, how can anybody expect to be made happy by one who hasn't even found happiness-in his/her own life? It is on this line of reasoning that I stand to implore whoever that is going through certain challenges in his/her marriage to view that partner in the light of the issues I raised above…they may not have really set out to hurt you deliberately-especially when what you are experiencing in the marriage is far from your expectations. Perhaps, it will help-if you understand that 'that person' you are saddled with is on the wrong path (marriage)…as far as his/her personality goes.
~Punch, Nigeria. Sunday, May 22, 2016
 |
| Chukwuneta Oby |
The nature of marital issues that I have come across(over the years) has further convinced me that some people are naturally not cut out for marriage or any form of co-habitation that will task everything (patience, tolerance, understanding, sharing, moderation, consideration, etc) in them…this set of people seem to waltz into marriages without an iota of what's involved…in fact, they start feeling stifled or miserable the moment certain 'marital demands'(less time out there- more time at home, being answerable to someone-in a way, realising that you just can't wake up and do as you like-without checking(first) with your partner, often inconveniencing yourself to bring a smile to another's face , etc)-are brought on them.
The wise ones (who seem to understand themselves) have long realised this and followed their path, some others seem to have realised that but would rather pander to the dictates of a society that shoves it in everyone's face to 'get married' or risk being seen as a 'social reject'…is it such a difficult task to understand that some people are simply not cut out for certain life paths? I mean, it is not in their DNA-and frankly-it does not make them bad-in any way…it simply means that anything contrary to their personality will end up making them miserable -that includes marriage, especially when they can't pretend to be enjoying what's actually choking them!
Now, how can anybody expect to be made happy by one who hasn't even found happiness-in his/her own life? It is on this line of reasoning that I stand to implore whoever that is going through certain challenges in his/her marriage to view that partner in the light of the issues I raised above…they may not have really set out to hurt you deliberately-especially when what you are experiencing in the marriage is far from your expectations. Perhaps, it will help-if you understand that 'that person' you are saddled with is on the wrong path (marriage)…as far as his/her personality goes.
When a 'husband-snatcher'got her comeuppance
Written by Bunmi Sofola
~Vanguard, Nigeria. Sunday, May 22, 2016
CHANCES of remarrying after a divorce might be slim; but some women are so lucky they even have third chances! A few weeks ago, Debbie, a once distraught wife, who has now got the hang of living with the intricacies of her husband's shenanigans came to the house looking radiant. "Would you come to a wedding party with me tomorrow?" she asked. Wedding?
As eagerly as families look forward to their offsprings getting married, the long-drawn ceremonies usually leave me climbing the walls. Engagement ceremonies I give a miss if I could get away with it. With the weddings proper, I usually ask the driver to be at the ready to get away anytime I get bored. Debbie knows of my aversion to weddings and assured me this one would be different.
"The couple had already got married abroad; they only came home for the wedding party," said Debbie. "Actually, the groom is Uncle Tony's wife's son." The plot thickens, I muttered. Debbie's Uncle Tony had been abroad for years and was married with four children, when his wife got tired of his philandering ways and kicked him out. By the time his divorce went through and the courts slapped a generous maintenance allowance on wife to be paid each month for the kids' upkeep, Uncle Tony came to Nigeria on holidays and never went back. He was determined his wife and kids wouldn't take him to the cleaners without a fight.
Instead, he used the nest-egg he'd brought back with him to complete a bungalow his ex-wife had no inkling he was building. His friends rallied round him by helping him set up a blockmaking business, and he was comfortable enough to take a new wife.The new wife, Bisi, was also married with five children before the husband exchanged her for a new model. They were both lucky to find each other, and Bisi relished her second-chance marriage.
~Vanguard, Nigeria. Sunday, May 22, 2016
CHANCES of remarrying after a divorce might be slim; but some women are so lucky they even have third chances! A few weeks ago, Debbie, a once distraught wife, who has now got the hang of living with the intricacies of her husband's shenanigans came to the house looking radiant. "Would you come to a wedding party with me tomorrow?" she asked. Wedding?As eagerly as families look forward to their offsprings getting married, the long-drawn ceremonies usually leave me climbing the walls. Engagement ceremonies I give a miss if I could get away with it. With the weddings proper, I usually ask the driver to be at the ready to get away anytime I get bored. Debbie knows of my aversion to weddings and assured me this one would be different.
"The couple had already got married abroad; they only came home for the wedding party," said Debbie. "Actually, the groom is Uncle Tony's wife's son." The plot thickens, I muttered. Debbie's Uncle Tony had been abroad for years and was married with four children, when his wife got tired of his philandering ways and kicked him out. By the time his divorce went through and the courts slapped a generous maintenance allowance on wife to be paid each month for the kids' upkeep, Uncle Tony came to Nigeria on holidays and never went back. He was determined his wife and kids wouldn't take him to the cleaners without a fight.
Instead, he used the nest-egg he'd brought back with him to complete a bungalow his ex-wife had no inkling he was building. His friends rallied round him by helping him set up a blockmaking business, and he was comfortable enough to take a new wife.The new wife, Bisi, was also married with five children before the husband exchanged her for a new model. They were both lucky to find each other, and Bisi relished her second-chance marriage.
I made N3,000 hawking water in 20 minutes - White Naija Girl
~PUNCH, Nigeria. Sunday, May 15, 2016
Popularly known as White Naija Girl, Ibukun Afolabi, from Hungary tells ARUKAINO UMUKORO why she decided to hawk sachet water on the streets of Lagos
Can you give a brief background of yourself?
My husband gave me a Nigerian (Yoruba) name, 'Ibukun,' which means 'blessing.' I am originally from Hungary. I live in the United Kingdom at the moment. In 2008, I came to the UK, where I met my husband, Gbenga Afolabi of MagnumN3. I studied Business and Management. I also hold degrees in German and French languages. When I first came to the UK, I could not speak English, so I had to start learning it from the beginning.
In 2012, I decided to start a blog, the whitenaijagirl.com, soon after I got married. Initially, I wanted to write a book, but my husband advised me to start a blog instead so I could reach more people. I started to write about my experiences as a 'Nigerian' wife. Soon, many people - men and women – in relationships with Nigerians started to contact me, asking different questions. The blog became quite successful. Finally, I visited Nigeria in the middle of October last year. I stayed for a month. It was during that period that the video of me selling sachet water was shot.
Was your visit to Nigeria in October your first trip to the country?
Yes it was. But here in the UK, I have had contacts with a lot of Nigerians. The church I attend in the UK is predominantly a Nigerian church. I have always been inspired by Nigerians and their way of living. I love the culture, food and their attitude to life. I also love it that Nigerians take education seriously. My husband is a film-maker and I produce most of his films. When we came to Nigeria; that was when I noticed how hard people in Nigeria are working and how much they needed to struggle on a daily basis to earn a living.
What was the inspiration behind the video of you selling pure water and drinks on the streets of Lagos?
It is because I saw these people doing this every day for a living. And I wondered why they had to live like that in a rich country like Nigeria. That 'pure' water video was done because I wanted to experience what Nigerians are going through, to empathise with them and to go through what they are going through. I realised that it is really hard. And I wanted people to know about this. In the UK, when you have a child, you get child benefits. In Nigeria, there is nothing like that. It is difficult for the women hawking 'pure' water. It is really a difficult job. I wanted to raise awareness about their plight. These people need help from the government. They don't have to risk their lives on the road doing such a job. That was purely my inspiration. It was a great experience, I felt their struggle, because it was hot, you could see me sweating. The load was very heavy. At the beginning, I could not take off the bowl from my head. It was hurting my head even though I had the scarf on. I am planning other projects to raise more awareness about the difficulties every day people face. For me, what I did (selling pure water) was not so extraordinary. What is extraordinary is that people are doing this job daily for a living.
That thing (bowl of sachet, bottled water and drinks) on my head felt so heavy and I only carried it for less than an hour. But those people who do it for a living actually do that for about eight to 10 hours a day. They are the real heroes, not me. I did it for less than an hour because we attracted a little too much attention so we could not carry on. And that was at the time the police were really after people selling on the streets. So, we were a little cautious so as not to get into trouble.
Were you scared at any point?
Popularly known as White Naija Girl, Ibukun Afolabi, from Hungary tells ARUKAINO UMUKORO why she decided to hawk sachet water on the streets of Lagos
Can you give a brief background of yourself?
My husband gave me a Nigerian (Yoruba) name, 'Ibukun,' which means 'blessing.' I am originally from Hungary. I live in the United Kingdom at the moment. In 2008, I came to the UK, where I met my husband, Gbenga Afolabi of MagnumN3. I studied Business and Management. I also hold degrees in German and French languages. When I first came to the UK, I could not speak English, so I had to start learning it from the beginning.
In 2012, I decided to start a blog, the whitenaijagirl.com, soon after I got married. Initially, I wanted to write a book, but my husband advised me to start a blog instead so I could reach more people. I started to write about my experiences as a 'Nigerian' wife. Soon, many people - men and women – in relationships with Nigerians started to contact me, asking different questions. The blog became quite successful. Finally, I visited Nigeria in the middle of October last year. I stayed for a month. It was during that period that the video of me selling sachet water was shot.
Was your visit to Nigeria in October your first trip to the country?
Yes it was. But here in the UK, I have had contacts with a lot of Nigerians. The church I attend in the UK is predominantly a Nigerian church. I have always been inspired by Nigerians and their way of living. I love the culture, food and their attitude to life. I also love it that Nigerians take education seriously. My husband is a film-maker and I produce most of his films. When we came to Nigeria; that was when I noticed how hard people in Nigeria are working and how much they needed to struggle on a daily basis to earn a living.
What was the inspiration behind the video of you selling pure water and drinks on the streets of Lagos?
It is because I saw these people doing this every day for a living. And I wondered why they had to live like that in a rich country like Nigeria. That 'pure' water video was done because I wanted to experience what Nigerians are going through, to empathise with them and to go through what they are going through. I realised that it is really hard. And I wanted people to know about this. In the UK, when you have a child, you get child benefits. In Nigeria, there is nothing like that. It is difficult for the women hawking 'pure' water. It is really a difficult job. I wanted to raise awareness about their plight. These people need help from the government. They don't have to risk their lives on the road doing such a job. That was purely my inspiration. It was a great experience, I felt their struggle, because it was hot, you could see me sweating. The load was very heavy. At the beginning, I could not take off the bowl from my head. It was hurting my head even though I had the scarf on. I am planning other projects to raise more awareness about the difficulties every day people face. For me, what I did (selling pure water) was not so extraordinary. What is extraordinary is that people are doing this job daily for a living.
That thing (bowl of sachet, bottled water and drinks) on my head felt so heavy and I only carried it for less than an hour. But those people who do it for a living actually do that for about eight to 10 hours a day. They are the real heroes, not me. I did it for less than an hour because we attracted a little too much attention so we could not carry on. And that was at the time the police were really after people selling on the streets. So, we were a little cautious so as not to get into trouble.
Were you scared at any point?
Husbands who 'graze' nearer to home!
~Vanguard, Nigeria. Sunday, May 1, 2016
IT was a most harrowing day with the traffic and Rebecca thought she couldn't handle more stress as she made her way to one of the high-rise complexes she lived in with her family. It was night already but thank goodness there was electricity.
As she moved wearily towards the lift, she saw the typical 'out of order' sign and she nearly wept with frustration. She lived on the ninth floor! She took her time climbing the stairs until she got to the fourth floor. She met a group of housewives discussing in the corridor and all of a sudden, their eyes were on Rebecca. Some looked hostile but the majority had nothing but pity for her.
Then it all came back to her. A few days ago, on a night almost as bad as this one, she'd just made her way to the flat when there was an angry ring at the door. She yanked her door open ready to tell whoever the nuisance was off. when she saw a neighbour with whom she was fairly friendly.
"Mama Junior", she greeted but the woman snorted in reply and pushed past her to the living room where her husband was reading the evening papers. Her back was up. "I've come to report this animal to you", she shouted, her eyes flashed hatred and anger as she pointed to Rebecca's husband. "Wura (her. sixteen year-old daughter) was sent to your floor and your husband lured her into your flat.
He told her a lot of rubbish about being alone and helpless and asked her to help him clean around the house. Since we were all family friends, Wura agreed to do the dishes. She was at the sink when your husband crept behind her, cupping her breasts in his hands. My daughter said she protested and your husband struggled to rape her until she started screaming.
"When he eventually let her go, her clothes were rumpled. I was so enraged when she came crying to me that I dragged her down here, thinking your husband would try to deny it. He did try but Wura contradicted him and he shouted her down. He said, in my presence, that he knew all her friends were screwing around, so why was she pretending she'd never had sex before?
I couldn't believe what I was hearing. Can you imagine this pervert saying that to a child that I virtually gave birth to in his presence? How low can you sink? The other mothers have complained about him too. This contracting jobs he says he's doing, when does he have time for them? If this happens to Wura again, I'm not going to be as civilized as I am today, so please ask your husband to keep a tighter rein on his pants or there will be fire”.
IT was a most harrowing day with the traffic and Rebecca thought she couldn't handle more stress as she made her way to one of the high-rise complexes she lived in with her family. It was night already but thank goodness there was electricity.As she moved wearily towards the lift, she saw the typical 'out of order' sign and she nearly wept with frustration. She lived on the ninth floor! She took her time climbing the stairs until she got to the fourth floor. She met a group of housewives discussing in the corridor and all of a sudden, their eyes were on Rebecca. Some looked hostile but the majority had nothing but pity for her.
Then it all came back to her. A few days ago, on a night almost as bad as this one, she'd just made her way to the flat when there was an angry ring at the door. She yanked her door open ready to tell whoever the nuisance was off. when she saw a neighbour with whom she was fairly friendly.
"Mama Junior", she greeted but the woman snorted in reply and pushed past her to the living room where her husband was reading the evening papers. Her back was up. "I've come to report this animal to you", she shouted, her eyes flashed hatred and anger as she pointed to Rebecca's husband. "Wura (her. sixteen year-old daughter) was sent to your floor and your husband lured her into your flat.
He told her a lot of rubbish about being alone and helpless and asked her to help him clean around the house. Since we were all family friends, Wura agreed to do the dishes. She was at the sink when your husband crept behind her, cupping her breasts in his hands. My daughter said she protested and your husband struggled to rape her until she started screaming.
"When he eventually let her go, her clothes were rumpled. I was so enraged when she came crying to me that I dragged her down here, thinking your husband would try to deny it. He did try but Wura contradicted him and he shouted her down. He said, in my presence, that he knew all her friends were screwing around, so why was she pretending she'd never had sex before?
I couldn't believe what I was hearing. Can you imagine this pervert saying that to a child that I virtually gave birth to in his presence? How low can you sink? The other mothers have complained about him too. This contracting jobs he says he's doing, when does he have time for them? If this happens to Wura again, I'm not going to be as civilized as I am today, so please ask your husband to keep a tighter rein on his pants or there will be fire”.
Getting married even when you are broke
Written by Ugodre Obi-Chukwu
Twitter: @nairamterics or @ugodre.
Website: www.nairametrics.com
~Punch: Thursday, April 7, 2016
Nnamdi has been dating Amaka for about three years now and pressure is mounting on for them to take the relationship to the next level. Nnamdi is approaching his mid-thirties and Amaka is also not getting any younger making time not exactly their friend. Their respective parents are also mounting pressure and do not understand why their children would not just get married soon enough.
Unknown to either parents, Nnamdi and Amaka have a major stumbling block. Apart from being career focused individuals they also believe more importantly that their combined salary is not enough for them to build a home and at the same time pursue their career objectives.
Many of us fall into this trap at some point in our life and if not handled carefully can lead to serious emotional and financial distress. How does one get married without enough money? I will attempt to respond by addressing some of the common excuses we give.
I can't afford wedding "ceremoney" - The thought of preparing for a wedding ceremony is one that scares many off early marriages. Most people consider it a very special event and believe the only way to live a lasting memory is to splurge on it. Having a memorable wedding is important for everyone however, not everyone can afford an expensive and memorable wedding. With proper planning you can have a cheap and memorable wedding as well.
Wedding ceremony shouldn't be seen as a do or die affair as all you have to do is spend what you can afford. What you should realise is that at the end of the day it's about you and your spouse being happily married thereafter and not about the drinks, food and the pageantry that comes with the ceremony. There will be many, many more opportunities to be merry with friends and family.
Where will we live after we get married? -My friend, Victor once told me he got married to his wife when he was still living in a one bedroom flat. After the wedding, they came back home to their one room apartment happier than they could ever imagine. I asked him why and he said the thought of them spending the night together forever was all they wished for and could as well have lived in the car if that's what it will take. The point here is that you need not live in a three bedroom or four bedroom apartment to get married. You could even have just married and still living in your parent's apartment provided you are both focused on the goal.
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