By Urowayino Warami
~vanguard Nigeria. Sunday, April 2, 2017
TUNDE had been separated from his wife for years. She lives abroad and they are good friends. After years of enjoying the single life, he eventually fell in love and things started going horribly wrong. His story:
"I am a medical doctor with a thriving private practice. Six years ago, I finally plucked up enough courage to ask Maureen out to lunch. She was a junior manager at the bank the hospital used and was always very friendly. Whenever interest rates on fixed deposits went up, she would advise me to push for the highest possible on our account. A professional to the core, I was very impressed with how brilliant and intelligent she was. Not to mention her smashing figure.
"She'd just helped push a soft loan I desperately needed to refurbish the hospital when I asked her to lunch as a 'thank you' gesture. To my pleasant surprise, she agreed and that was how our relationship started. I was in my fifties with two lovely children. Their mother had opted to stay behind when I wanted to relocate to the country – our marriage wasn't working and she had a job she loved with the social service. So, we parted amicably and I so much enjoyed my freedom, I wasn't really keen on getting married again- until I met Maureen.
She was a single mother of a two-year-old daughter and as I got to know her better, she told me she was thinking of leaving the bank to pursue a business in horticulture. She'd completed a horticultural course when she studied abroad and had done a bit on the side for a few clients who'd praised her efforts. I encouraged her to follow her dreams and gave her financial support to kick-start the business – she already had half of the outlay from her retirement benefits.
"Barely a year later, the business had taken off beyond our wildest dreams – thanks to elaborate decorations that are the in-thing at functions these days – weddings especially. With my clout, I was able to get her jobs from reputable companies and friends.
"It was around this time we gave a serious thought to getting married. One thing we both wanted very much was a baby of our own. For the next three years, we tried but nothing happened. In the end, I took her to a gynaecologist who was also a very good friend. He did tests upon tests until it was discovered that only one of her fallopian tubes was functioning. That, coupled with my age, had reduced our chances of having a baby. My friend then suggested we travel to Britain, giving us the address of a top IVF hospital. At first, I was reluctant, but Maureen was in her early 30s and feared her biological clock was ticking fast. And I loved her. So I agreed to go with her.
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Showing posts with label Adults talking. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Adults talking. Show all posts
How can a housewife justify multiple affairs?
~Vanguard Nigeria. Sunday, March 5, 2017.
I'VE often wondered what life would be like if it is devoid of the heady sensation of sex? A lot had been said and written on how revered it should be in marriage. Yet, on the other side of the coin, illicit sex is so available you could virtually have it on tap! When you mention kiss and tell, an image of a man pops up. I mean, what married woman in her senses would confess to an affair even with a gun held to her head, let alone brag about the joy of illicit sex? Times are really changing.
The smug smiles a couple of my friends and I wear when we discussed our 'indiscretions' pale into insignificance when compared with what the average adventurous wife gets away with these days. And she's so brazen she often brags about how easy it is to pull the wool over hubby's eyes.
Vivienne, a much younger friend is one of these high-flying professionals with the Midas touch. She currently works with a boss who was recruited from abroad by the firm they both work with. Viv's been bending my ears on how handsome and cosmopolitan Greg, the boss was that on this day I called on her, I automatically switched off when she started singing Greg's praise. I'd reminded her often she'd just been married less than 10 years and affairs should be off her menu. "I love Ebere (the husband) but he could be so predictable at times." She would tell me in her defence. This day in question, she was babbling on about Greg when I took notice of what she had to say. "I often have erotic dreams about him and now we've been teamed to work overtime on our new account, heavens only know what would happen", she said excitedly.
"What do you mean?", I asked in my don't-do-any-thing-foolish voice. "I've been having these erotic dreams about him and now we'll be working together often, anything could happen". I warned her of the consequences of any rash action, then left. But I couldn't get her out of my mind. I was so curious I had to pay her another visit some few months later. "Oh aunty- C, I feel guilty I couldn't give you a call or visit, I've been so busy!' she said. 'I can imagine,' I mumbled under my breath. It is always a delight to visit her anyway as she entertains lavishly whenever I called. With fresh fish stew and boiled potatoes in my belly, being washed down with a very good wine, Viv dropped her bombshell: "I've relived my dream", she declared. I almost choked on the wine as my ears perked up. "Some weeks back, after we'd finished one of our projects, Greg sent for food from the nearest hotel and popped a bottle of champagne he'd put in his fridge. Before the food arrived, we'd almost finished the bottle which explained why I became giggly and hot when Greg started teasing.
I told him about my dreams and he leered. 'Now's the time to find out,' he said as he moved closer – in a few seconds, we were in a clinch, kissing furiously and helping each other out of our clothes. In no time at all, we were on his office couch, making frantic, raunchy love – the thought of my marriage flying out of the window. "I couldn't have stopped him even if I wanted to! When it was over, he looked really proud of his achievement but I didn't mind. It was the best bunk I'd had for months'.
I'VE often wondered what life would be like if it is devoid of the heady sensation of sex? A lot had been said and written on how revered it should be in marriage. Yet, on the other side of the coin, illicit sex is so available you could virtually have it on tap! When you mention kiss and tell, an image of a man pops up. I mean, what married woman in her senses would confess to an affair even with a gun held to her head, let alone brag about the joy of illicit sex? Times are really changing.
The smug smiles a couple of my friends and I wear when we discussed our 'indiscretions' pale into insignificance when compared with what the average adventurous wife gets away with these days. And she's so brazen she often brags about how easy it is to pull the wool over hubby's eyes.
Vivienne, a much younger friend is one of these high-flying professionals with the Midas touch. She currently works with a boss who was recruited from abroad by the firm they both work with. Viv's been bending my ears on how handsome and cosmopolitan Greg, the boss was that on this day I called on her, I automatically switched off when she started singing Greg's praise. I'd reminded her often she'd just been married less than 10 years and affairs should be off her menu. "I love Ebere (the husband) but he could be so predictable at times." She would tell me in her defence. This day in question, she was babbling on about Greg when I took notice of what she had to say. "I often have erotic dreams about him and now we've been teamed to work overtime on our new account, heavens only know what would happen", she said excitedly.
"What do you mean?", I asked in my don't-do-any-thing-foolish voice. "I've been having these erotic dreams about him and now we'll be working together often, anything could happen". I warned her of the consequences of any rash action, then left. But I couldn't get her out of my mind. I was so curious I had to pay her another visit some few months later. "Oh aunty- C, I feel guilty I couldn't give you a call or visit, I've been so busy!' she said. 'I can imagine,' I mumbled under my breath. It is always a delight to visit her anyway as she entertains lavishly whenever I called. With fresh fish stew and boiled potatoes in my belly, being washed down with a very good wine, Viv dropped her bombshell: "I've relived my dream", she declared. I almost choked on the wine as my ears perked up. "Some weeks back, after we'd finished one of our projects, Greg sent for food from the nearest hotel and popped a bottle of champagne he'd put in his fridge. Before the food arrived, we'd almost finished the bottle which explained why I became giggly and hot when Greg started teasing.
I told him about my dreams and he leered. 'Now's the time to find out,' he said as he moved closer – in a few seconds, we were in a clinch, kissing furiously and helping each other out of our clothes. In no time at all, we were on his office couch, making frantic, raunchy love – the thought of my marriage flying out of the window. "I couldn't have stopped him even if I wanted to! When it was over, he looked really proud of his achievement but I didn't mind. It was the best bunk I'd had for months'.
Do you honestly believe your wife could do without sex?!
Written by Candida
~Vanguard Nigeria. Sunday, January 29, 2017.
REASONS people give for committing adultery gets more and more atrocious by the day. Gbemi had been married to Yori for four years after a courtship that lasted almost six years. Only, in the last few years, their relationship had disintegrated and when their son was born two years ago, the love-making stopped. According to Gbemi: "Sometimes I felt more like the nanny for his son than a wife. I did most of the chores helped by an inexperienced house- help, on top of which I had a full-time job. But I got no appreciation or affection in return.
"I'd tried everything I could think of to try to fix things. I'd dressed in sexy lingerie to try and seduce him. I'd even tried blatantly asking to have sex. But Yori was having none of it, always brushing me off with excuses. After which he started coming to bed hours after me. It had been two years since we last made love and I was at my wits' end. Our sex life had always been important to me. In my view it really helps a couple bond. Without it, you're just two people living together. In the end, I sat him down and demanded we talk about it. I told him: 'We need to deal with this because no matter what you think, this is destroying our relationship.'
"He looked uncomfortable and embarrassed. 'I just don't feel like having sex any more. I'm sorry, but the desire has gone.' He said, a bit sad. It was a blow – but what he said next shocked me to the core. 'If you want it so badly, why don't you try someone else?" I told him I wanted to save our marriage, not leave it. 'That's not what I mean,' he said, 'you could have an affair. I wouldn't mind. People do it all the time.' This was not the way I expected the conversation to go. I wanted him to agree to try harder, not suggest I try with someone else. 'I want you,' I shouted at him. 'I want to have sex with you, not with anyone else. I want my marriage to work! But he's come up with 'his' solution and wasn't budging.
"He repeated the offer over a few months. I guess he knew I wouldn't do it. He was just saying it to shut me up. We were at this impasse, stuck in a sexless marriage when I ran into Francis, an old flame. We had gone out while we were at the university and he told me he was recently divorced. He was still handsome, still his jovial self. Even though I hadn't seen him for over 15 years we got on well and I was still attracted to him. He jokingly said he wouldn't mind taking me to bed for old time's sake and I said 'why not'.
~Vanguard Nigeria. Sunday, January 29, 2017.
REASONS people give for committing adultery gets more and more atrocious by the day. Gbemi had been married to Yori for four years after a courtship that lasted almost six years. Only, in the last few years, their relationship had disintegrated and when their son was born two years ago, the love-making stopped. According to Gbemi: "Sometimes I felt more like the nanny for his son than a wife. I did most of the chores helped by an inexperienced house- help, on top of which I had a full-time job. But I got no appreciation or affection in return.
"I'd tried everything I could think of to try to fix things. I'd dressed in sexy lingerie to try and seduce him. I'd even tried blatantly asking to have sex. But Yori was having none of it, always brushing me off with excuses. After which he started coming to bed hours after me. It had been two years since we last made love and I was at my wits' end. Our sex life had always been important to me. In my view it really helps a couple bond. Without it, you're just two people living together. In the end, I sat him down and demanded we talk about it. I told him: 'We need to deal with this because no matter what you think, this is destroying our relationship.'
"He looked uncomfortable and embarrassed. 'I just don't feel like having sex any more. I'm sorry, but the desire has gone.' He said, a bit sad. It was a blow – but what he said next shocked me to the core. 'If you want it so badly, why don't you try someone else?" I told him I wanted to save our marriage, not leave it. 'That's not what I mean,' he said, 'you could have an affair. I wouldn't mind. People do it all the time.' This was not the way I expected the conversation to go. I wanted him to agree to try harder, not suggest I try with someone else. 'I want you,' I shouted at him. 'I want to have sex with you, not with anyone else. I want my marriage to work! But he's come up with 'his' solution and wasn't budging.
"He repeated the offer over a few months. I guess he knew I wouldn't do it. He was just saying it to shut me up. We were at this impasse, stuck in a sexless marriage when I ran into Francis, an old flame. We had gone out while we were at the university and he told me he was recently divorced. He was still handsome, still his jovial self. Even though I hadn't seen him for over 15 years we got on well and I was still attracted to him. He jokingly said he wouldn't mind taking me to bed for old time's sake and I said 'why not'.
Why make so much noise during sex?!
Written by Bunmi Sofola
~Vanguard Nigeria. Friday, January 6, 2017.
Have you ever woken up the morning after some mind-blowing sex and think: "Why did I tell him all that stuff while we were cuddling last night?" Apparently, you're not unique. Recent research shows that women who had an orgasm disclosed more of their positive thoughts and feeling about their partner afterward than those who didn't climax-and they don't feel as if they're taking a risk by doing that. Blame it on your brain chemicals making you feel trusting.
According to experts, an orgasm triggers the release of oxytocin, the feel-good neuro- chemical that also makes spooning (lying front to back with your partners) feet amazing. "People get loose-lipped after an orgasm because the oxytocin makes them think it's the right time to say gooey things," explains author Amanda Denes. "In serious relationships, a little sappy gab might not be a bad thing, but in casual situations, it's sort of a mixed bag. Professing your love to someone you've been seeing for a few weeks could scare him away, but it could also help take things to the next level. So when in doubt, err on the side of taciturnity and see if you still feet like spilling in the morning."
Deep down, we're all animals in bed. After all, sex is an extremely primal act, and when we use our verbal human brains to talk about it-it's clear that the tongue and the groin are linked (in a much less graphic way that you readers are picturing right now!) "Language communicates not only information but also meaning, feelings and symbols of internal realities," says Amanda Denes. "We can use it to make sex better in a mechanical, instructional sense, but it also makes the act more meaningful." In fact, a few choice words can set off the arousal response as swiftly as a sensual touch -especially in women who are more turned on by ideas than by visuals. But an off-colour or way-too-raunchy phrase from a man in your bed can turn you off just as quickly."
When Annie, a banker met Herbert, one of her bank's directors at the bank's award dinner, she was impressed by this sophisticated and powerful man sitting across her on their table. "I've always been drawn to powerful men," she confessed, "and Herbert was the type of gentleman that often attracted
~Vanguard Nigeria. Friday, January 6, 2017.
Have you ever woken up the morning after some mind-blowing sex and think: "Why did I tell him all that stuff while we were cuddling last night?" Apparently, you're not unique. Recent research shows that women who had an orgasm disclosed more of their positive thoughts and feeling about their partner afterward than those who didn't climax-and they don't feel as if they're taking a risk by doing that. Blame it on your brain chemicals making you feel trusting.
According to experts, an orgasm triggers the release of oxytocin, the feel-good neuro- chemical that also makes spooning (lying front to back with your partners) feet amazing. "People get loose-lipped after an orgasm because the oxytocin makes them think it's the right time to say gooey things," explains author Amanda Denes. "In serious relationships, a little sappy gab might not be a bad thing, but in casual situations, it's sort of a mixed bag. Professing your love to someone you've been seeing for a few weeks could scare him away, but it could also help take things to the next level. So when in doubt, err on the side of taciturnity and see if you still feet like spilling in the morning."
Deep down, we're all animals in bed. After all, sex is an extremely primal act, and when we use our verbal human brains to talk about it-it's clear that the tongue and the groin are linked (in a much less graphic way that you readers are picturing right now!) "Language communicates not only information but also meaning, feelings and symbols of internal realities," says Amanda Denes. "We can use it to make sex better in a mechanical, instructional sense, but it also makes the act more meaningful." In fact, a few choice words can set off the arousal response as swiftly as a sensual touch -especially in women who are more turned on by ideas than by visuals. But an off-colour or way-too-raunchy phrase from a man in your bed can turn you off just as quickly."
When Annie, a banker met Herbert, one of her bank's directors at the bank's award dinner, she was impressed by this sophisticated and powerful man sitting across her on their table. "I've always been drawn to powerful men," she confessed, "and Herbert was the type of gentleman that often attracted
Elusive female orgasm: who is to blame?
Written by Yetunde Arebi
~Vanguard Nigeria. Friday, December 16, 2016.
Female orgasm remains a contemporary issue in female sexual experience because of its complexity both scientifically and naturally. Many factors such as culture and tradition, religion, education. exposure, communication and personality also contribute to the difficulties faced by couples to make this happen with every sexual experience. In my quest to make this near magical experience more accessible to more women, I asked a couple of friends to share their views on the subject with me. It’s quite hilarious:
Bimbo Mate is a 46 year old Civil Servant and Relationship Counsellor. She thinks it is a now social problem:
This is a big problem between many couples. Some years ago, this was not a very important issue in many relationships. Not because it was not there, but because couples hardly talked about it nor did they actually make it a subject of discussion among their friends. But today, things have changed. Nigerians are more enlightened, we are not only more conscious of our surroundings, but of ourselves too.
Women who were hitherto, subservient to their men are now gaining more grounds by the day. There is educational freedom, economic freedom, and a conscious pursuit of good health and general well being on the part of individuals as a whole. So, many women are no longer interested in handouts and leftovers from the men. Even where the women still lack economic power, they have the advantage of education and social awareness to help them get their goals.
So, it’s only natural that things can no longer remain as they were some 30, 20, or even 10 years ago. Women now want to live a more pleasurable and fulfilled life. Back then, women who were bold enough to demand and take what they knew was good for them in relationships were often castigated and labelled. In extreme cases, their men may even seek divorce because of these women’s perceived overbearing attitude. But now, the reverse is more or less the case.
~Vanguard Nigeria. Friday, December 16, 2016.
Female orgasm remains a contemporary issue in female sexual experience because of its complexity both scientifically and naturally. Many factors such as culture and tradition, religion, education. exposure, communication and personality also contribute to the difficulties faced by couples to make this happen with every sexual experience. In my quest to make this near magical experience more accessible to more women, I asked a couple of friends to share their views on the subject with me. It’s quite hilarious:Bimbo Mate is a 46 year old Civil Servant and Relationship Counsellor. She thinks it is a now social problem:
This is a big problem between many couples. Some years ago, this was not a very important issue in many relationships. Not because it was not there, but because couples hardly talked about it nor did they actually make it a subject of discussion among their friends. But today, things have changed. Nigerians are more enlightened, we are not only more conscious of our surroundings, but of ourselves too.
Women who were hitherto, subservient to their men are now gaining more grounds by the day. There is educational freedom, economic freedom, and a conscious pursuit of good health and general well being on the part of individuals as a whole. So, many women are no longer interested in handouts and leftovers from the men. Even where the women still lack economic power, they have the advantage of education and social awareness to help them get their goals.
So, it’s only natural that things can no longer remain as they were some 30, 20, or even 10 years ago. Women now want to live a more pleasurable and fulfilled life. Back then, women who were bold enough to demand and take what they knew was good for them in relationships were often castigated and labelled. In extreme cases, their men may even seek divorce because of these women’s perceived overbearing attitude. But now, the reverse is more or less the case.
Six good times to have sex
Written by Tunde Ajaja
~Punch Nigeria. Sunday, December 4, 2016.
For an activity that is both intensely pleasurable and medicinal, it seems understandable that people are paying more attention to it.
Sex has numerous benefits, including the fact that it boosts immune system, lowers blood pressure, it's a good form of exercise, helps to reduce the risk of prostate cancer in men, lowers risk of heart attack, improves sleep and brings about the release of feel good hormone (dopamine), love hormone (oxytocin), pain-killing hormone (endorphin) and many others which have positive effects on the body.
Being something that could take place anytime and in any (reasonable) place where the man or the woman feels like having 'it', one could think timing is not a factor when it comes to having a romp in the sack. But according to some scientists, there are specific times sex is good for the body, especially married couples, who do it without apprehension of being caught or the fear of pregnancy.
Given that the hormones influence how people feel anytime they are released, it seems pertinent to point out that sex can be more helpful at certain times than some other times, and some of the good times you should consider having 'it' include:
In the morning: It is a norm for men to want to have sex in the morning, because even by the time they wake up, their testosterone level is at the peak, usually at about 50 per cent more than any other time of the day, which explains why they usually wake up with an erection. But beyond the pleasure derivable from the response to stimuli, studies have shown that sex in the morning is good for the body. According to an American research scientist, Dr. Debby Herbenick, having sex in the morning makes couples feel more upbeat - positive and making them feel that good things will happen - throughout the day and it boosts their immune system. She also revealed that the endorphin hormone released boosts the mood of such persons, which could make their day exciting. She added, "Having sex in the morning also releases the feel-good chemical oxytocin, which makes couples feel loving all day long." This is perhaps more instructive for women who rarely want sex in the morning because their mind is not prepared for it, but prefer it at night.
After a day gone bad: Ordinarily, when people are depressed or frustrated about certain situations, keeping to themselves and being a recluse is usually the commonest response, and so sex could be the last thing on their minds, say when they get home later in the day, but according to experts, that is a good time to have sex. A Toronto-based sexologist, Jessica O'Reilly, told Women'sHealthMag that from holding hands to touching, hugging and getting down to the real thing with their partners could boost their mood at such times. She said, "Studies show that sex and other forms of physical affection, even holding hands, significantly improve your mood and lower stress levels for days to come. As long as your lover is not the source of the anger, such sex can be red hot." In other words, the release of love hormone, feel good hormone and other hormones that improve mood would relieve the person of such stress. It is however worthy of note that a man may not be in the mood for sex when he's down, more so that stress is one of the causes of erectile dysfunction, but findings have shown that men who pull themselves out of that distress and are receptive to the touch of their wives, tend to feel better after the sexual activity because of the hormones that would have been released. In fact, it has been argued that looking at romantic partners or having sex itself could reduce pain.
Sexual issues and solutions true facts about the penis
Written by Kemi Fawole (MD)
Phone: 08034666358, 07059294782
Email: vieweden@yahoo.com, viewden@ymail.com
Web: www.viewden.com.
~Vanguard Nigeria. Wednesday, December 7, 2016.
We can go on and on about some facts you need to know about the penis, but we just have to hold on to the basic ones which includes -
A penis is not under conscious control. It's under the control of a guy's autonomic nervous system.
Smoking can shrink your penis by as much as a centimeter during the course of your life - and will make it much less likely you can get an erection.
The underside of the penis head is the most sensitive spot. These means its important that everyman out there lives a healthy lifestyle and eat well.
I'm a 58 year old man with serious condition of diabetes & hypertension which I have been treating for some years now and this has led to total loss of erection. My wife performs all the sexual exercises & this really makes me feel bad. I have started Using Vitolize and I noticed after the second week that I can now get erection though not as hard as I'd wanted but I'm so glad I could come up. Can I combine Vitolize with either African superman or Man up pills for stronger erection on demand? Or what do you suggest - Hon Justice Chriss
Hello Honorable, I'm so glad to hear that you could get an erection with Vitolize, cos in most cases of near impotence, treatment takes longer than that, some are on erection supplements for as long as three months before they can come up with any erection, But Vitolize awakens the redundant tissues due to the suppressant drugs for your diabetes and hypertension, causing rush of blood to the penile tissue slowly. Yes you can take either Man-up pills, or African Superman which increases stamina, sexdrive and the time of intercourse and take effect within thirty minutes of usage and compliments the work of Vitolize and are herbal and very safe just like Vitolize which is a sexual performance enhancer for men. You can take either Man up,, African superman or rhino 5 with the Vitolize. And in case you don't want something in pill form, you can take Maxman coffee to increase stamina, libido and for strong erection.
Im 35 years and I have a serious case of premature ejaculation, what do you think can help me cos the situation is so frustrating. I have been to your website and seen a lot of very lovely products, but it's so difficult to choose.- Chimezie
Chimezie, like I normally tell people, premature ejaculation is more of psychological than medical in about 90% of men and this caused by stress, unbalanced diet, smoking, alcohol etc. to make you last long for about 25 to 30 minutes on your woman, you can get Vitolize or Vigrx plus helps to correct it , but it takes about two to three months to totally correct
Do women have erectile dysfunction?
Written by Funmi Akingbade
~Punch Nigeria. Friday, September 9, 2016.
 |
| Funmi Akingbade |
While research suggests that sexual erectile dysfunction is more common in men, 43 per cent of women have reported some degree of this problem. I must say that it is actually a topic that many women are hesitant or embarrassed to discuss. Fortunately, most cases of erectile sexual dysfunction in women are traceable to ignorance, lack of desire, childhood sexual abuse, mind-set, hormonal problems, premenopausal issues, depression, medication, unhappy marital relationship and sicknesses. Female sexual dysfunction can also be as a result of a physical or psychological problem. These conditions include diabetes, heart disease, neurological diseases, hormonal imbalances, menopause, plus such chronic diseases as kidney disease or liver failure, and alcoholism or drug abuse. In addition, the side effects of certain medications, including some antidepressant drugs, can affect sexual desire and function. Psychological causes include work-related stress and anxiety, concern about sexual performance, marital or relationship problems, depression, feelings of guilt, or the effects of a past sexual trauma.
The most common problems related to erectile sexual dysfunction in women include inhibited sexual desire, which involves a lack of sexual desire or interest in sex. Of course, many factors can contribute to a lack of desire, including hormonal changes, medical conditions and treatments (for example, some menstrual pain drugs, cancer and chemotherapy), depression, pregnancy, stress, and fatigue. Ironically, even boredom with regular sexual routines may also contribute to a lack of enthusiasm for sex; lifestyle factors such as careers, the care for children and family life can also cause it.
The ugly side of masturbation
Written by Tunde Ajaja
~Punch, Nigeria. Saturday, June 18, 2016
Apart from penetrative sex between heterosexual beings, it is no longer hidden that people have devised several other means to satisfy themselves sexually, and prominent among them is masturbation.
Defined simply as the sexual stimulation of one's own genitals for sexual arousal or other sexual pleasure, usually to the point of orgasm, masturbation, which of course is usually done in the secret, is practised by both singles and married.
While people perceive men to be guiltier of this act, findings have shown that women indu lge in it as well, more so with the use of sex toys.
According to Kinsey Institute, an organisation that promotes interdisciplinary research and scholarship in the field of human sexuality and related aspects of gender, relationship and reproduction, about 92 per cent of men and 62 per cent of women engage in masturbation in their lifetime.
A study by Christin Bowman of the Department of Social-Personality Psychology, University of New York, United States, found that women's reasons for masturbating could be any of sexual pleasure, to learn about or better understand their bodies, as a release, to substitute for sex from their partner and general sexual dissatisfaction.
He found that even though women's feelings when they masturbate could lead to shame or fear that they are acting selfishly, mainly, most women feel sexually empowered when they do it.
The question as to whether this act is good for the human system or not has been tossed back and forth, without a unanimous outcome. While some experts say it is good for the body, some others say its side effect is best described as detrimental.
~Punch, Nigeria. Saturday, June 18, 2016
Apart from penetrative sex between heterosexual beings, it is no longer hidden that people have devised several other means to satisfy themselves sexually, and prominent among them is masturbation.
Defined simply as the sexual stimulation of one's own genitals for sexual arousal or other sexual pleasure, usually to the point of orgasm, masturbation, which of course is usually done in the secret, is practised by both singles and married.
While people perceive men to be guiltier of this act, findings have shown that women indu lge in it as well, more so with the use of sex toys.
According to Kinsey Institute, an organisation that promotes interdisciplinary research and scholarship in the field of human sexuality and related aspects of gender, relationship and reproduction, about 92 per cent of men and 62 per cent of women engage in masturbation in their lifetime.
A study by Christin Bowman of the Department of Social-Personality Psychology, University of New York, United States, found that women's reasons for masturbating could be any of sexual pleasure, to learn about or better understand their bodies, as a release, to substitute for sex from their partner and general sexual dissatisfaction.
He found that even though women's feelings when they masturbate could lead to shame or fear that they are acting selfishly, mainly, most women feel sexually empowered when they do it.
The question as to whether this act is good for the human system or not has been tossed back and forth, without a unanimous outcome. While some experts say it is good for the body, some others say its side effect is best described as detrimental.
Sexual health challenges
Written by Funmi Akingbade
~Punch, Nigeria. Sunday, May 29, 2016
The World Health Organisation has given an amazing review of the extent that marital intimacy has suffered under the destructive and damaging effect of sexual health problems. Most times when I have the opportunity to counsel couples, my heart bleeds when I see the threat and danger untreated sexual health challenges pose to unions of loving couples. The most disappointing aspect of it is that 87 per cent of couples are not even aware that these sexual challenges can be prevented, treated and permanently cured.
Sexual health problem or dysfunction refers to a set of problems during any stage of the active sexual age preventing couples from experiencing satisfaction from sexual activities. Research suggests that 83 per cent of men and 47 per cent of women suffer from sexual health challenges and many couples are shy, timid, cautious, uncertain and hesitant to discuss them.
Fortunately, most cases of sexual health challenges are treatable, so it is important to share your concerns with your partner, doctor or sex therapist. Although both men and women are affected by sexual health problems unfortunately, men suffer more than women. Sexual health problems occur in adults of all ages. Among those commonly affected are those in the geriatric population, which may sometimes be related to a decline in health associated with aging due to bad lifestyle. For this week's article and next, we shall extensively shed light on the male sexual health dysfunctions and round it off with the sexual challenges facing women.
Barrister Kulaju and motor dealer in his late 50s was in my office some weeks ago, wanting to know the causes of male sexual problems. He was experiencing some recession changes in his sexual performance and this was hurting him. Sexual health challenges can be a result of a physical, psychological and medical problem. 'How do sexual problems affect men? he asked. The most common sexual problems in men are ejaculation disorders, erectile dysfunctions and inhibited sexual desire.
Psychological causes include work-related stress and anxiety, environmental pollution, concern about sexual performance, marital or relationship problems, depression, feelings of guilt and the effects of a past sexual trauma. Physical causes are many; we have physical and/or medical conditions such as diabetes, heart and vascular (blood vessel) disease, neurological disorders, hormonal imbalance, chronic diseases such as kidney or liver failure, alcoholism, drug abuse and smoking. In addition, the side effects of certain medications are leading causes. Let us start with erectile dysfunction and inhibited sexual desire.
~Punch, Nigeria. Sunday, May 29, 2016
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| Funmi Akingbade |
Sexual health problem or dysfunction refers to a set of problems during any stage of the active sexual age preventing couples from experiencing satisfaction from sexual activities. Research suggests that 83 per cent of men and 47 per cent of women suffer from sexual health challenges and many couples are shy, timid, cautious, uncertain and hesitant to discuss them.
Fortunately, most cases of sexual health challenges are treatable, so it is important to share your concerns with your partner, doctor or sex therapist. Although both men and women are affected by sexual health problems unfortunately, men suffer more than women. Sexual health problems occur in adults of all ages. Among those commonly affected are those in the geriatric population, which may sometimes be related to a decline in health associated with aging due to bad lifestyle. For this week's article and next, we shall extensively shed light on the male sexual health dysfunctions and round it off with the sexual challenges facing women.
Barrister Kulaju and motor dealer in his late 50s was in my office some weeks ago, wanting to know the causes of male sexual problems. He was experiencing some recession changes in his sexual performance and this was hurting him. Sexual health challenges can be a result of a physical, psychological and medical problem. 'How do sexual problems affect men? he asked. The most common sexual problems in men are ejaculation disorders, erectile dysfunctions and inhibited sexual desire.
Psychological causes include work-related stress and anxiety, environmental pollution, concern about sexual performance, marital or relationship problems, depression, feelings of guilt and the effects of a past sexual trauma. Physical causes are many; we have physical and/or medical conditions such as diabetes, heart and vascular (blood vessel) disease, neurological disorders, hormonal imbalance, chronic diseases such as kidney or liver failure, alcoholism, drug abuse and smoking. In addition, the side effects of certain medications are leading causes. Let us start with erectile dysfunction and inhibited sexual desire.
One-night stands can't heal a failed relationship
Written by Bunmi Sofola
~Vanguard: Monday, April 11, 2016
According to Professor of Psychology Simon Baron Cohen, "Generally, men have, 'systemising' brains (they like classifying information and enjoy games and gadgets),whereas women have 'emphasising' brains (they connect with people and emotions).
This lower male drive to 'empathise' means they're more likely to be focused on their own feelings (satisfaction and short-term pleasure) and able to detach from the feelings of others.
Evolution may also be a reason men were hunters whose job was to kill- and, for that, a lack of empathy is a distinct advantage."
The professor's view throws some light on the emotional fallout women experience as a result of casual sex.
A few months back, Beth, a 26-year-old staff nurse who confessed she'd lost count of the one-night stands she'd had; complained bitterly that: "I thought that having one-night stands was how to find a boyfriend-you meet someone at a party maybe, go home with them and have sex, and then afterwards you start seeing each other, but it never seemed to work out like that. They make you feel so incredibly special but it's for one night only and it never, ever lasts. When I realised this was the case, I decided to stop having one-night stands."
With girls like Beth, the puzzling questions are the same: "Why did he never call when he took my number and asked me out to dinner next week? How, when we got so intimate and establish such a connection, could he forget me so quickly"?
A few men fee actually confessed that beneath the predatory front shown by many of them was extreme, unresolved pain from a previous relationship.
Whereas we, as women, are able to work through our romantic agonies by talking to friends, men are more likely to suppress and deny the pain they feel.
After making a pact with themselves that they'll never be hurt again, they'll immerse themselves in an orgy of causal sex, imagining its physical gratifying and, more importantly, emotionally safe- as long as they never call the next day!
Mistakes of sexual and libidoral expressions
Written by Funmi Akingbade
~Punch, Nigeria. Saturday, March 12, 2016
Mistakenly, many couples blame sexual dis-satisfaction on many things but the real thing. One thing is certain; when the purpose of a thing is not known or discovered, abuse is inevitable. Many married couples mix libidoral challenge with sexual and emotional challenges. We will do our best to help find solutions to these. Firstly, I need every couple out there to know that faulty gender libidoral expression, sexual health challenge such as premature ejaculation, weak erection, erectile dysfunction, frigidity in both husband and wife and animalistic expressions of sexual desires and needs are all interwoven; so therefore we can actually use almost same method to cure them all. So relax and read attentively.
To prevent many mistakes, bear it in mind that sexual satisfactions should not be soulishly directed at an individual alone in the relationship; you first satisfy your spouse before thinking of your own satisfaction. This means you have to be really present during the act; you have to pay passionate attention to your spouse. In the moments of lovemaking, there is nothing more important than your eyes, your lips and hers. The best love happens when the world falls away, and you are the only two beings that matter. And when the world really does fall away, you'll be one being, delighting in each other's bodies, minds, and souls.
This should not be the moment when the wife will remember the food on her gas cooker or the cry of the baby or the downpour of rain while her clothes are on the cloth line. Monotony of these actions and attitude over the years kill libido and accelerate premature ejaculation.
Mistakes also come when couples do not deliberately find a good place for sex, passion has its place.
A place that's clean and uncluttered. Not the mattress filled with the urine of the baby or room cluttered with the head ties, dresses and make-up bags of the wife. The sheets are fresh; do not reserve new bedspread for visitors only; pamper yourself and spouse with the luxury of the new bed spread. The pillows are plump. The laundry is out of sight. The music is pleasant. Or spicy. Or slow. Or hot. There are fresh flowers or well-tended plants that can spice your room. Sex can take place in your bedroom, where the door is locked, so your hearts can open. But don't limit your place of passion to the bedroom. Erotic sexual passion can take place in the living room, the kitchen, the pantry, the backyard, the pent house, the grazing land, the beach–wherever you and your lover connect and privacy is guaranteed.
Sexual erotic triggers
Written by Funmi Akingbade
~Punch, Nigeria. Saturday, March 5, 2016
Couples do not know that almost every part of their bodies is an erotic trigger region. Many times, husbands come to me and bitterly complain that they are not enjoying the best of their wives sexually. A man will say because the woman is circumcised, pregnant, nursing a baby, undergoing menopause or fed up with the same old ways they have been making love, hence she is not fully involved anymore.
One thing is basic, there are high sexually sensitive areas and there are lower sexual sensitive areas but when couples concentrate only on the high sensitive areas, they tend to run out of techniques sooner than they wish, but when they interplay the high and low sexual zones intermittently, there is a possibility of newness and excitement at all times. Now, the most basic sexual trigger of most wives that many husbands play with are the breast and the clitoris, all because these organs are prominent and easily accessible. This is also because blood rushes to these areas especially when the woman is turned on, and also because the stimulation of the clitoris triggers the hood of her clitoris. The hood of the clitoris is the fold of skin that surrounds and protects the clitoral glans. Since it is less sensitive, many husbands ignore it but amazingly, this hood can handle both gentle squeezes that get her ready to be on heat without even touching the clitoris itself.
Essentially also, the pubic mound is a good place to add some variety to your thinking selection. Try this trick; take your fingertip into a firm point, and trail it around the mound. Since you usually focus on the top three quarters of her vaginal area, she'll be surprised and aroused because beneath the arena you are trailing your fingers on is packed full of sensory nerves.
Also think of her clitoris like the head of your penis, her clitoris is jam-packed with millions of nerve endings, as is the tip of your penis. However, if the head of your penis can take a bit more pressure- the nerves are spread over a slightly larger area- her clitoris is more sensitive. This spot is filled with nerves, so it needs to be stimulated carefully. Tease the areas around it first, and then make your way to it, building up speed as you go. But finger with caution: if you spend too much time there or are too rough, too soon, she may become overstimulated, and that can be really painful for her. To keep that from happening, switch your tactics. Don't stick with one for more than 10 seconds or so.
How I was drugged, raped, fired from Air Force
Written by By Egufe Yafugorhi - Vanguard, Nigeria ( Tuesday, December 15, 2015).
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| Igbobi Beauty Uzezi, rape victim |
- Detained in cell with lunatic, chained to hospital bed.
- Starved for days to make me not expose my Air officer-rapist.
WARRI-WHEN the chair, Committee for the Defence of Human Rights, CDHR, Delta State, Mr. Benefit Orugbo, called me on phone, about a fortnight ago, and said that he had a spine chilling case of human rights abuse in his hands, I did not understand the brutality of the matter and almost ignored the issue.
However, it was not until Warri Reporter, EGUFE YAFUGORHI, detailed to meet the victim at an agreed venue reported his encounter with Igbobi Beauty Uzezi, an Air Police of the Nigerian Air-force, NAF, with Personal Service Number, NAF10/25157F, that the reality dawned on me.
Uzezi, who hails from Bayelsa state, revealed that an Air-force officer (names withheld) drugged, raped and infected her with a Sexually Transmitted Diseases, STD, and the said officer detained and tortured her through proxies for daring to expose him and finally got her dismissed from the Airforce.
The air-force officers she complained to and sought help before the hammer fell on her, queried why she chose to make trouble with the officer, pointing out that she was not the only female personnel to pass through the ordeal.
They detained her in a cell with a mad woman, chained her to the bed in the hospital, locked for several days without food to force her to forgo justice. She refused to surrender and was court marshaled after she threatened to shoot one of the air-force officers used to intimidate her, who allegedly wanted to disarm her.
Every woman owes it to herself to have...
Written by Candida - Vanguard, Nigeria.
WHAT happens to 'meaningful' relationships in your middle-age? Is sex different now you're older? According to Richard, now 50 and a divorcee; "I no longer believe I can sweep a woman up with the sheer physical power of sex and temporarily wash away our failures in a rain of sweat.
As a new relationship moves towards the physical, I find myself thinking: 'I have been through this before, 1 thought I would survive it and I suppose I did, but only barely. I don't want to do it again. I want to be in the water, very much, but I can't bear to dive off that high cliff another time. No more swinging from the chandeliers!
"The women are older too, they open up more readily, they waste less time, they show their needs. Most of all, they read a man's reluctance like a soothsayer looking through her crystal ball. We strain for the pleasures of new romance, but our ability to pretend is short-lived.
'Let's end this before it becomes toxic,' suggested one smart lady after about five dates! What amazes me after a long decade away from the sexual market place is how different our public discourse of sexuality is from our actual experiences. Casual sex, 'friends with benefits' (where you bunk a close friend from time to time with no strings attached) all the arrangements meant to satisfy the libido without entangling the heart, are, for the most part, dull and awkward forms of sexuality. The small miracle for older people is that most of us still believe in love, and live for it, and sometimes, after a long wait, find it."
Rachel, a sports enthusiast in her late 50s runs a thriving company and lives comfortably in her own home with her two sons. "I took several years off romance and sex after having had a moment of spiritual insight, born of intense pain – when 1 was in an unhealthy relationship with a man, my mind and sports, mainly golf, fell apart.
I happen to be a good golf player and most of the men I played with naturally flirted with me. They loved that I could help them with their game – and maybe provide them with a bit of loving too.
THE BENEFITS OF EARLY MORNING SEX FOR THE COUPLES ONLY.
By Prince Ndigwe Emeka - Nigeria.
They say having sex first thing in the morning not only improves your love life, it is also beneficial to your health. Early morning sex puts a smile on your face, boosts your health, looks and relationship.
Scientists say people who start their days by having sex are all-around healthier and happier than those who don’t.
According to Debby Herbenick, Ph.D., author of Because It Feels Good, having sex in the morning makes you stronger and more beautiful.
She said: “Having sex in the morning releases the feel-good chemical oxytocin, which makes couples feel loving and bonded all day long and climaxing releases chemicals that boost levels of estrogen, which improves the tone and texture of your skin and hair.
Some other benefits of morning sex include:
1. Apart from the fact that regular morning sex makes you feel upbeat for the rest of the day, it also helps in building a stronger immune system.
2. Believe it or not, it makes you less susceptible to catching a cold or flu and can also improve the quality of your hair, skin, and nails.
Sex in the city: The shame of campus prostitution
Written by Laju Arenyeka, Anozie Egole, Iyabo Aina, Adeyeri
Aderonke & Juliet Ebirim(Vanguard, Nigeria)
Prostitution—It is the
oldest profession in the world; from before Deliliah’s seductive
ways with Samson in Bible times, to last night in a dark corner at
Ojuelegba bus stop in Lagos.
Women, selling their bodies for money; some pushed into this
nefarious profession out of poverty, some, out of sheer greed and some others,
simply for the love of sex. In this piece, Saturday Vanguard explores the lives
students in our tertiary institutions who now appear more remarkable in their
runs for men and money than their primary purpose of acquiring quality
education.
‘Runs’
and ‘Aristoism’ in the ivory towers
This is not a sad tale from a
Nollywood movie.
In 2010, 19 year old
Elizabeth Ehis (not real name), had the world at her feet. She was writing her
West African Secondary School Certificate Examinations, WASSCE, hoping to
fulfill her life-long dream of becoming an accountant. However, life took a
different turn when she lost her father to the cold hands of death before
finishing her exams.
In spite of this, Elizabeth,
the first of four children, forged ahead and gained admission into the
University of Benin in 2012. Things were tough for her widowed mother. But
sending Elizabeth to the university was top priority for her. Her mother would
never have guessed that disastrous blend of harsh conditions, bad company and
wrong choices would lead Elizabeth into prostitution. Her mother would not know
that Elizabeth told our reporters her story from a brothel.
Her bad company came in
the person of a friend she calls Stephanie. She said: “I met Stephanie during
our Matriculation ceremony in the school, we were and still are in the same
department. But we did not really become close until we met at the
party where we got talking and exchanged contacts. At first, I thought she was
into lesbianism because of the way she was asking me about myself.
Later she told me that,
I did not deserve the kind of poor life style I was living in school and that I
needed to upgrade myself. She introduced me to some friends who would call me
when there was a party to attend. At one of the parties we attended, they
introduced me to some ‘big’ men.
Libido is not the same as erection
Written by Funmi Akingbade - Nigeria
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| Funmi Akingbade |
One of the many reasons lots of couples do not find successful solutions to their erectile challenges is because they somehow confuse libido with erection. Many do not understand that low libido is not the same as erectile dysfunction; so today we shall be looking into this in its fullest details.
Basically, the word libido is used to describe the basic desire for sex or sex drive or the instinct energy or force. In one word, libido is a person's sex drive. Every living animal has libido which is most times seasonal but the human's sex drive or libido is ever present. The libido in both men and women is directly tied to their testosterone. Men have about 40 times as much testosterone as women, and this is why men are generally thought to have a more intense sexual drive and more aggressive sexual behaviour. Males reach the peak of their sex drive in their teens, while females reach it in their thirties. The surge in testosterone hits the male at puberty resulting in a sudden and extreme sex drive and sex desire which reaches its peak in early adolescence, and then drops slowly over the man's lifetime. In contrast, a female's libido increases slowly during adolescence and reaches its peak in her mid-thirties.
Actual testosterone and oestrogens level, which affect a person's sex drive vary considerably. For instance, a woman's desire for sex is correlated to her menstrual cycle, with many women experiencing a heightened sexual desire in the several days immediately before ovulation, which is her peak fertility period. This cycle has been associated with changes in a woman's testosterone levels during her menstrual cycle. Testosterone levels have a direct impact on a woman's interest in sex. Testosterone levels rise gradually from about the 24th day of a woman's menstrual cycle until ovulation or about the 14th day of the next cycle, and during this period, the woman's desire for sex increases consistently. The 13th day is generally the day with the highest testosterone levels. In the week following ovulation, the testosterone level is in its lowest and as a result, women will experience less interest in sex.
Also, during the week following ovulation, progesterone levels increase, resulting in a woman experiencing difficulty achieving orgasm. Although the last days of the menstrual cycle are marked by a constant testosterone level, women's libido may boost as a result of the thickening of the uterine lining which stimulates nerve endings and makes a woman feel aroused. Also, during these days, oestrogen levels also decline, resulting in a decrease of natural lubrication. Menopause is still considered by the majority as a factor that can cause decreased sex desire in women.
Why many circumcised women may never enjoy sex
Written by Yetunde Arebi - Nigeria.
 |
| Love gone sour |
My mind raced back to one of my many conversations with my dear friend Bella as I listened to this guy’s argument on why his five year old daughter must be circumcised. His poor wife, Aduni, had asked me to help talk to him. Had she known that this would be his decision, she probably would have kept her discovery to herself. That she had caught their little girl playing with her clitoris.
She had panicked, thinking that their innocent angel had been corrupted and might now grow into a common slut, if something was not done quickly. But while she had been lost for what to do, she had least expected that circumcision would be her husband’s solution. Aduni said she had been raised in the village and circumcised, so she had experienced the pains and discomfort associated with female circumcision and is now living with its aftermaths. She was not sure if she wanted her beautiful princess to go through the same or live her life the way she was being forced to.
My friend, Bella has a similar challenge. You’ll often hear her describe herself as an incomplete woman or freak whenever the issue of sex comes up in our discussions. A very cosmopolitan extrovert and successful Lawyer, Bella exudes confidence and accomplishment and it is quick to notice that she is on top of her game. Only those very close to her get to know her other side of her life. And though she has never showed me physically, she’d given a very graphic picture of what she looks like down below, several times. This she said was her main reason for walking out of her marriage after birthing her only child. It was pointless enduring the sex when she felt no pleasure.
For many women, the inability to experience full sexual pleasure or achieve orgasm during sexual intercourse has remained an elusive mirage, leaving most who are not even circumcised, confused with many unanswered questions. Studies have shown that men are likely to orgasm 90-98 percent of the time they have sex. In fact, this is often the way a woman knows that the game is over. Unfortunately, same cannot be said about the woman and not a few reasons are responsible for this.
Several major research works on human sexuality record that only about 25 percent of women climax or experience intense sexual pleasures during sex with their partner, while 40-50% have either complained about sexual dissatisfaction or experienced difficulty becoming sexually aroused at some point in their lives. These figures are significantly higher in African societies and cultures where Female Genital Mutilations (FMG) as well as other cultural practices are predominant and act as inhibitors.
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